I have finally come to the conclusion, and there is no running from it anymore, that I am not being a good mom. I don't spend enough time with my kids. I spend plenty of time around them, but not enough with them. This is something I have felt so guilty about for so long. I think I just have to put it out there. I was reading a bunch of reviews for various parenting books on Amazon and came across one called Playful Parenting and the arrows of guilt went flying right through my chest. It's not that I am a super serious mom, I am fun and funny. I just tend to get self-absorbed and distracted by cleaning the house or running errands...B A D...M O M!!! I feel like I pawn the kids off on playing with their friends, which of course they love to do, but I feel like *I* really need to 'do stuff' with them more.
I think I am a great mom to Andrew. I relate so much better to him. Maybe because he is a teenager. I love music, he loves music. We love to listen to alot of the same stuff and talk about it and find cool new stuff to listen to. I don't want to play alot of girlie stuff with Autumn or video games with Ben because they make me really sleepy. I know this is terrible. I am NOT looking for comfort. I get really mad when Ben tries everything in his power to coerce me to play video games. Except for Guitar Hero which is fun, I don't want to shoot people in Halo 3 or kick the crap out of them in Mortal Kombat. I like reading stories to my two youngest kids, but they won't always let me.
Here I am this AP (attachment parenting) mom and I feel like I am majorly dropping the ball..total fraudville! I mean, when the weather is nice I will take the kids to play tennis or play baseball outside. But inwardly I am wanting my husband to do those things...you know...be the dad that throws the ball. It's not something he does much.
Also, with Ben's relentless demands and moodiness I tend to run away from him and find something else I really need to do...like laundry etc. I know I am the mom who is forever saying, "Hold on a minute." or "I'll be right there." or "Maybe later." And I try and avoid them. Oh, I am so BAD! Why am I like this? (No one needs to answer that...it's more a question I am posing to myself.) You know, it's that I am selfish. I get bored doing things that aren't mentally stimulating and literally start to fall asleep. How do I get my kids to do stuff that won't put me to sleep and that we will all love?
I love snuggling them, I love chatting with them, I will take them places. I nursed them all for years not months, we co-slept with all of them. I just have such a hard time playing. Am I alone in this?
For those of you moms out there that are great at playing with your kids...how do you do it?
5 years ago