Weirdest Advent/Christmas season ever.

Okay, anyone who knows me knows that I haven't blogged because I, like many other friends, am now addicted to facebook. However, I felt compelled to write and say that I am having the most emotionally numb Christmas season ever. I LOVE this time of year, normally, but I have been dealing with a depression that keeps dragging me to the brink of despair, since late August. I am working with a trained professional to help me through it, so don't worry.

 It's just that I look forward to this time of year as it is usually really motivating for me. I get all sorts of stuff done, I am excited to go places, do things, hang out with people. Now, all I really want to do is hide under a rock. I am the kind of person who starts watching Christmas movies in November. I haven't watched one yet. I have listened to Elf while the kids watched it in the van. I saw about 10 minutes of both White Christmas and  The Nativity Story, but walked away uninterested. You know, I could totally understand if I was like this every year, but I am SOOOOOO not.

 I haven't even listened to any Christmas songs. I love Christmas music, and often have it playing in the house now, but this year...nope.  Not once have I played anything Christmassy. I feel indifferent to the whole thing as if I am watching it from the outside. Everything seems entirely exhausting to me.  I am used to feeling that way in the Summer, but not NOW! At the same time I am feeling antsy, restless and bored out of my mind. I have lots to do, laundry coming out of my ears, crap to be picked up. I am a total neat freak, but that aspect of me is gone, for how long, I don't know. I am doing bare bones housekeeping. I usually care so much about keeping a nice house, but now, I don't care.  I hate not caring. I feel like I am not me, but I don't know where I went. Anyway, it's all weird, weird, weird.

Well, I am not looking for sympathy. Nope. There are people in the world, and some quite close to me, who are really suffering. I am just writing my stuff down to refer back to. Kind of keeping track of my wacky-ass moods. However, if you want to pray for some folks, pray for Bonnie Sager & family, and  Michael Summerville & family, for health, rest and healing. 

Thanks,

Too Funny and so true!

And let me tell you, that up until about a year ago, I was a die hard PC user. But it is true that once you go Mac you never go back. 

This says it all.

Here's a picture I just found in a box full of pictures (my mom's idea of an photo album) of my mom, me and my brother, Jon. I am probably 20 or 21 here, I think. Do you see how I loved my mother. I am not sad here. I am just lovin' my mama. I loved snuggling into her for no reason at all other than to be close. I really miss her. 

I'm off to vote for Saxby

Here's Zell Miller (okay it's SNL's Will Forte, but still) explaining why he is voting for Saxby Chambliss. You know, I can't help but agree. And I say we start working, right now, on Peabody Tittlecud's bid for the presidency in 2012!
 

Me and Sara

Here is a Photobooth (a Mac app) pic of Sara and me. Sara's blog is Those That Wonder. She has recently updated the look and has some cool new pictures as well. This was taken when she just 'dropped by' a couple of days before Thanksgiving. I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DROP BY!!! I really do. I am totally into following things on a whim. I am the perpetual 'drop by-er' it was fun that it happened to me.  Anyway, I love Sara. She is a great friend and we share our conversion to Catholicism together.  She is also a homeschooler of 3 kids too. I am hoping to just drop by on her today as I will be in her section of Roswell, in a bit. I am bummed that she is moving farther away. It's just an extra 10-15 minutes north...but it was nice knowing she was just across town. However, I have seen this new house and it is just what she needs, more space. If there is a person in life who needs just a little spoiling it is Sara. I think she deserves this wonderful new place.

Peace,

No, I am not going to sleep...I am going shopping.

Robert and I have decided to attend our first ever Black Friday event. I have never gone shopping on Black Friday. At least not that I can remember.  However, I HAVE worked Black Fridays before, when I was much, much younger and working in record stores.  Well, this year, because of the flagging economy stores and malls (we are going to the latter) are opening at 12:01AM Friday morning. So, Hunny and I are off to see all the "deal hounds" and make fun of all the sheeple.  There isn't anything at the mall we want. (Okay, maybe I would like a Twilight t-shirt.) Everything we are getting for each other or the kids or friends is easier bought online than in a store. I am thinking of this as a kind of warped cultural experience.

So, off I go. The only thing luring me is free coffee. Free coffee and great deals (which I won't avail myself of) are what the mall is offering for folks to drag their tryptophan induced exhausted selves out at midnight. 

Off we go....

P.S. I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving.

Great minds are the same game.

My blog/facebook pal Wendy and I are the same game...who woulda thought.

You Are Boggle

You are an incredibly creative and resourceful person. You're able to dig deep and think outside the box to get things done. You are a non linear thinker. You don't like following directions You draw your inspiration from the strangest places sometimes. You're constantly inspired.

What Board Game Are You?

Remember the 80's?

This is me when I was in New York testing for a big deal modeling agency. I am 16 and it is 1982. Check out the New Wave hair!!

This is during the same time, different shoot, different day, different photographer (actually it was the guy who shot the Cosmopolitan covers at the time). Anyone else remember those Norma Kamali bathing suits?

What Twilight Character Am I?

Okay so I took this quiz twice. The first time I took it as if I were 17 years old again. I remembered what I was like and answered the questions. This is what I got:

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!
You are straightforward, tenacious, and beautiful, but unfortunately aware of it. You are attention loving, and people easily flock to you, but deep down you are mistrustful of people in general. You can be judgmental and thoughtless, but you love deeply and are extremely protective of those that you hold dear.

The second time I took it, I answered the way I think and feel about things now. This is what I got:

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!
You are thoughtful and care very deeply for your family. A loving home is of great importance to you and you always try to make people feel welcome. Although you have a great capacity to love, you also have a great capacity to hurt, so at times you can be sensitive. You're firm when you need to be, but people trust your judgment and appreciate the kind way you always handle things.

Tivo the Dowg

My brother was over today with his awesome new camera and took these great shots.

I'm on crackbook ur...I mean...facebook.

You can find me at Rachel Moore Ross.

Twilight at Midnight

I am counting the seconds until 12:01AM when I will get to see Twilight (just 7 hours away...woo hoo!) Yes, it may be pathetic to you, of my friends out there, with more intellectual pursuits.  However, these books got me back in touch with my inner 20 year old. Something I needed desperately. So, I will try to comport my self because of my age and not scream with all the young girls...though let's face it....I will be screaming on the inside. (FYI, If I were 17 that guy up there would be plastered all over my bedroom walls.)

Speaking of my 20's

Here I am at the eternal age of 29. I think this is my favorite picture of my wedding. I loved all the kids around me and playing with my dress.  They had all been really dressed up and sometime during the reception decided to get more comfortable (how I wish I could have joined them!). My Andy is the one in the middle with the white t-shirt and blue shorts. If anyone is wondering why my 6 year old is at my one and only wedding, well click My Baby Is Eighteen on my blog here, and you will know why. It was a perfect day, even though I was in Florida (don't like Florida), everyone I loved was there and love was everywhere. I wish life could be, forever, the way it was that day. 

Below is my 2nd favorite picture. I love the expression on Andrew's face.

Fighting the urge to run

...and I don't mean jogging. I mean run away kinda run. I have been praying and doing everything to stifle this urge to flee my current life. What is pathetic is that there is really nothing wrong with my current life. Okay, well, I *do* have a child who suffers from mental illness, which has in turn, made me a complete whack job, but everything else...to others looking in....would seem just peachy. 

I, literally, have to get away from everyone and breathe really deeply, like Lamaze, until the overwhelming impulse to bolt passes. It scares me that I even feel this way. My conscience is working overtime to talk me out of insanity. What I wouldn't give to be in my early twenties again. I had my life stretched out in front of me, like a blank slate. Now, I have a past behind me with so many mistakes that it's like a bad essay a high school Lit teacher has hashed through with a red pen. 

I am NOT having a pity party for myself.  There isn't anything to pity, really. I am not looking for sympathy either. I just feel so stagnantly still, so pointless, it's as if moving would distract me and keep me on a trajectory forward so that I couldn't stay still and think...of all the mistakes, wasted time, fear, missed opportunities, and forks in the road where I so should have turned in the opposite direction of where I did turn.

I feel desperate to be alone, but I can't ever really get that alone time. 

(insert expletive here _ _ _ _!) 

This FRIDAY!!....AAACK! (Be still my heart)

13 Years

Me and Hunny Bunny at a friend's wedding. We are so cute, huh?

Today is my, and my Hunny's, 13th Wedding Anniversary. It is also the 5th Anniversary of the convalidation of our marriage by the Catholic Church and the 5th Anniversary of my conversion to the Catholic Church. All in all a good day in history for the Ross family.

To my Hunny.

You are all that AND a bag of chips!

I love you!

BSCB (only you know what that means. LOL)

I've completely HAD IT!

My husband seems to forget the dog is a dog. And when my husband decided to leave a hamburger on a coffee table it is a mystery to him as to why the FIVE MONTH OLD dog will eat what he has left there. Then my Ben and Autumn are continually mystified why a dog would accidentally connect his teeth to their flesh when they reach down and get RIGHT IN HIS FACE to pet him, WHILE THEY ARE EATING DINNER (and smell like food). Tivo is not food aggressive. I can stick my hand in his food dish and swish it around while he is eating. When he has a rawhide or bone I will often go and slowly put my hands on it while it's in his mouth and hold it while he chews it, asking him in a soothing voice if it's yummy. (No, I don't expect him to answer.) Why is it that these other members of my family act like dummies and assume that a young animal is going to be anything other than a young animal. Tivo is a flipping puppy...not a Rhodes Scholar!

Now, if Tivo does become food aggressive I will break that habit in a snap. I also don't like it when he tries to be dominant over Autumn (because she is the littlest in the family and he's figured that out). So, I just went on screaming rant at my family because I have HAD IT with their expecting the dog to be anything other than what he is.

It's probably all the personification of animals that Disney movies had done. It's screwed up generations of people into believing dogs talk and toys come to life. Oy Vay!

Take That! Bill Maher (nine minutes of sheer brilliance!)

WHAT HE SAID!!!

Help! My husband won't turn off Bill Maher

Okay, I am just going to say it. There is one person I truly loathe to the very core of my being. That person is Bill Maher. I won't even tell you the ways I would like to torture him and see him suffer. These feelings bother me because this the way a lot of Liberals feel about Conservatives. I mean, look at what the put Sarah Palin through. Just let's say, if I came across Maher in a dark alley, only one of us would emerge: ME

Why do I bring this up? Because my husband ACTUALLY tivo'd Real Time with Bill Maher. I asked why on earth he would do that?  He told me it was because he gets riled up, and he's so freaked out that Obama will be milking us dry soon, that he needed fuel to stay on top of his political game.

I am telling you, I am sitting here listening to Maher and his ranting and I can't stop screaming obscenities at the television. See, now I am all riled up with nowhere to take this seething anger! I am am going to Mass in 3 hours! CRAP!

Another blog!!!

I know I told everyone about my blog, UFA, which is for unschoolers in Atlanta. However, that is just an info site for events. This new blog of mine is specifically about unschooling. That is it. I may double post some stuff, but this blog is really about me and anything I am into. However, I really wanted a place to dig deep into my ever growing unschooling transformation. Any hoo...feel free to visit Return To Shornhill.

A special thanks to Leonie...and she knows why.