See what happens in Winter.

I'm back. I know, you missed me. Ha! Well, it's cold...and it even snowed on Christmas Day...here in Atlanta. It was awesome. A gift from above. "What is that, Rachel? Did you say, gift from above?  I thought you were really pissed at God." Well, yeah, I was. And I still have stuff to work out with the Big Man Upstairs, but too many of you wrote really wonderful comments. And they got me to thinking. I started thinking about all my blessings, instead of all my perceived curses. And there are so many, that I realized I can't be that spoiled child that I was in my previous post. I actively had this epiphany awhile back, but didn't get around to writing about it until now. Suffice to say that I just had to have a reality check. Life is not perfect, I will not get everything I want, even if it's really 'good' stuff that I want. I am not talking about things here.

So, yes, I will always have friends who have tons of kids, and I'll wish I were one of them, but have decided to be content knowing that I am not. The upside is I have time to go out to dinner with my Hunny, like we did last night, and know I don't have to get home right away to nurse a baby. Yes, my nest is going to be empty a lot faster than some of my large family friends' are, but I'll find something fun and useful to society to do, when  that time comes. And hopefully, someday soon (well sooner than later), I'll have grandchildren and will be young enough to enjoy them. It's a good thing God is so good and so much bigger and better than I am. He can take all my rantings and ravings and turn them into praising and thanking with the counsel friends, commenters, priests, prayers and, of course, the Mass.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I hope your 2011 is truly filled with peace, hope, and love. 

~Rach

I really don't think I'm gonna make it.

Okay, so I guess we are into our 3 rd week of Summer vacation and I am ready to wound myself in a near fatal way so that I can be in the hospital on a steady morphine drip. THAT is my idea of a vacation...a real get away...from reality altogether. I mean, I know that pretty much everyone with a soon to be 14 year old has dreams of suicide ( or homicide) , but when that kid is also bipolar well all bets are off. The kid is on meds, but it's not like they have developed anything that I know of that would give him an entirely new personality, let alone happier more stable moods. Of course, there is Haldol, but I am really not interested in hanging him on the bathrobe hook at the back of my closet door....hmmmmm...or am I???

And should I really be complaining at all? After all, didn't I bring this on myself...fighting with my younger brother all those years ago...I seem to remember my mom muttering a curse of some kind, that my behavior would be revisited on me. Well, shit, it really has!!! Autumn and Ben and their constant bickering over the dumbest things makes me wonder why I didn't have my ovaries ripped out before I was of childbearing age, like I'm going to have done to my puppy next week.

So, what I am trying to do, when I find that my 13 yr old son has surfed porn for the first ( and better be last) time on my iPad, (there was nothing like opening the browser that day...his PC is completely protected from him looking for it there) is trying to remember the sweet baby I nursed and carried in a sling and adored. And it's not so easy, because what I see in front of me is the greasy headed, smart ass teenager who is so hostile to his little sister and to me and his dad. He lives to bicker and argue and I want to send him flying out the window (without a net). There is no pithy cute happy ending to this post. It's gonna be a long Summer. I hate the heat to begin with, the only upshot to Summer for me is the ability to sleep in, but the new puppy has effectively ended that, sooo I figure I have a couple of months to perfect drinking heavily. But if you hear I'm in the hospital on a morphine drip, because of some 'freak' accident, don't be sad for me. Know that I am
probably enjoying the vacation of a lifetime..... in my head.

I've had a new puppy for a month and haven't blogged about it!!!!

This is my first time blogging with my iPad. So far so good. The only thing is I don't think I have pictures of Tru, our new Husky pup, in my iPad picture folder, so I may have to add them later. Anyway, Tru is here. We got her the day before my birthday and she was actually born on Autumn's birthday, so I thought that was a good sign. Especially since I was picking her up sight unseen and had only reports from her breeder as to her temperament...with TiVo we got to meet his litter and he picked us. Anyway, it's been over a month and she is awesome. For the first month she only had eyes for TiVo and we thought show was never gonna notice any of us. But over the past 2 weeks she has come out of her dog centric world and is becoming attached to us...especially me, but then again, I'm the one with her all the time.

Tru has been great for TiVo. Siberian Huskies really are social dog and while they can be fine in a one dog family they are really happiest when there is, at least, one other dog. For the first 36 hours TiVo wouldn't let Tru move. He had to keep her pinned down and drag her around and show her who was the king of the house in typical Husky (quite wolf like) style. After 2 days they were in love. He still rough houses with her at least once a day to keep her in the #2 slot, but it is killer cute how they play and enjoy each other's company.

Tru loves the dog park as much as TiVo and when we first got her, she was 10 weeks old, and we took her there she walked in like she owned the place. No fear! I loved it. She is almost 4 months old and huge. TiVo is over tall for a Husky, but he is light...54lbs. Tru is already 27lbs! And she is a big girl. She may get close to TiVo's height which would make her tall for a female, but I would be cool with that. I love TiVo's gangly wolfy look.

Of course, the deal with Robert was that I had to rehome the kitties in order to get another Husky. TiVo had been trying to eat the cats since he was about 4 months old. I had a dream last night about all three of them. I miss them a lot. But they we were really unhappy with one dog...2 would have sent them over the edges. I had to split them up. Toonces went to one girl, and Milo and Ginger went to another, but I still crying jags over them. Don't judge me...I judge myself enough. But the dogs go with me everywhere, the cats didn't. The dogs get me out to exercise and meet new people, notsofor the kitties. So, I'm praying that St. Francis continues to watch over my kitties and keep them happy in their new dog free homes.

~Rach

It's been so long.

Okay, so I have no idea what to say, except that facebook is so damn fun that I forgot about my blog. I started writing this as a way for my kids to see what a wacky mom they have. Then it kind of became a journal. I got alot out that first year and it was good for me.

This year so far has been pretty fun. In January, we found out that friends we had met on facebook were going to be in our area. It turns out Bill Mueller had a training thing for his job and it was right here in Roswell. He came first and then his wife, Terry, came a couple days later. We had a blast. I was really sorry to see them go at the end of the week. We introduced them to Doctor Who and they introduced us to Coupling. I took Terry all over Roswell, TiVo fell in love with Bill, and then, on Friday, Bill and Terry took us out to a fab dinner at Relish, along with 2 more facebook friends who live here in town, Loren and Tracy Peters (I went to high school with Loren). We had a really good time for 4 people who had never previously met in person. Oh, and we all survived (several friends of mine thought we were insane to invite facebook friends over...I mean what if they killed us). And here is proof that it all went well (Oh, and I now I have to figure out how I am going to get my ass to Illinois where they live.)


I met MUSE, my favorite band in the world and they were such nice guys. It is so awesome to meet people you admire so much and they turn out to be great. They could have been jerks...but they were not. Matt Bellamy, the lead singer, couldn't believe that Andrew was my kid. As if I didn't love Matt enough, I got a compliment. What a cool guy. Thanks to my Hunny and his friend Mike Greene, I got to see the most amazing concert of my life AND got to meet the band too. We chatted with them back stage for about 15 minutes. It was just the 4 of us, Robert, me, Andrew and his longtime pal, Claire. The latter two were virtually hyperventilating at meeting those Rock GODs...and it was adorable to see.
Robert finally got out of for-profit corporate life. A huge prayer was answered and he is now the managing director for internet & new media for the American Cancer Society. It's more a prestige position than a monied position...as most non-profits are. But, we can still stay in our house (we had it for sale for a 4 months) and he is doing something that matters. And that is what we have prayed for for so long. Robert is an amazing husband and stand up guy. He wants to take care of this family as sole provider, so I can be the hand that rocks the cradle at home, but he always wanted to get paid to do something that made a huge positive impact on those around him. So, here's a shout out to the big man upstairs...Thank you, GOD, for making this all happen!!!

Now, I am thinking of adding a new puppy to the mix. Before that happens I have to re-home our 3 cats. It's not something I want to do, but no one pays any attention to them, or takes care of them anymore and it sucks. I change their litter and feed them, but I am the primary carer of the dog, so I am in and out of the cats business pretty quickly. I love Toonces the most, will miss him desperately, but the cats were for the kids. They are growing up and don't care. Everyone loves TiVo and it's not hard to understand why. He is awesome, and loving and interacts with everyone. The cats interact on their terms...whenever that is. And those 3 fluffy idiots could have become friends with TiVo, but they would have nothing to do with him and now that he is big they are afraid of him. I'm kind of sick of living in the Gaza strip of my own home. There are zones for the cats and the dog and it's gotten really old. Before anyone gives me any crap, understand, I wouldn't give away a kid. These are animals. If they are not happy, I believe I should help them to be so. I love all animals....I really do. But when it comes down to brass tax I am a dog girl. I love walking TiVo, I love taking him to the dog park. I love all the social interaction he brings to me. I am an extrovert...and I believe cats are for introverts. NO judgement, just a statement. I drive around with TiVo all day. He comes with me everywhere. I can't take my cats anywhere. Anyway, that's what going on there.
On the spirituality front, the last year has been weird. Right now I am in a good place and am praying it sticks. I have gone through a lot of so called 'atheist phases' and I don't like them. They are very dark and dry and lonely...a great breeding ground for anger and selfishness. Sometimes life does seem pointless. I told Robert recently that it (life) seems like a giant hamster wheel we get on and have to keep running on and we only get to get off when we die. Translate that into me feeling exhausted...and bored. I need new things to shake me up.

Lately, I have re-committed myself to caring for myself and losing the few pounds I put on, over the last few months, this after having lost over 30 pounds. How easy it is to slip off the saddle. Luckily, it was less than 10lbs, 5 of which are gone...so I am on track. I am feeling so much better. It's not fun getting out of control and feeling that you can't seem to help yourself. I am happy to be back in the saddle and taking it day by day to stay there.

The kids are all doing really well. Autumn has been in a really cool homeschool co-op this year and the time off (for me) and added social interaction for her has been fabulous. Next month she has a jazz recital...they are dancing to All That Jazz from Chicago and should be adorable. Here is Autumn with the girl half of the her co op, there are 3 boys in it too.

Ben is almost done with his 7th grade year at the Cottage School and boy howdy do I love that place and everything it's done for our boy. Ben is really doing so much better this year, on all fronts, than he has in the past. I have high hopes that things are going to continue to change for the better, for 'the Bendamin'. Oh, and Ben's braces finally came off...look how handsome.

Andrew, my handsome vulcan son, is still working at Trader Joe's...almost 2 years. I am so pround of him. He has just a couple weeks left and will be done with his sophmore year at Georgia State. He is still living at home (which I love) and still plugging away at his post-rock band, Absence of Ocean. He has taught himself how to play guitar and writes alot of songs. All in all, he's pretty damn cool. I love him to bits...just wish he were a little more chatty....how is he my kid??? I mean, he looks just like me so I know he is mine....but talk about opposite. One great thing is that Andrew will be 21 in 6 months and then I can send him on booze runs for me and Robert....woo hoo!! LOL Below is Andrew's shocked, "I just met Muse" face.
I think I am gonna go bake something yummy now. I am off wheat again, due to allergies. I am thinking this time I should stay off of it for good, but we'll see. Wheat definitely bothers me most in Spring and Summer as it causes my eczema to flare. I have been off of it over a week now and my hand eczema is almost healed. You know what else is weird...I swear I am addicted to wheat. When I am not eating it, I don't have the insane food cravings I normally do...the very same cravings that got me into trouble gaining almost 10 pounds back of the 30 I lost. I wonder if there is something too that? All I know is that in 2 or 3 days time my hands will look and feel normal again and that is worth everything. Besides, I made a KILLER gluten free version of my favorite cake 'Tres Leches' and it soooooo frickin good, I dare anyone to guess it's not made with wheat flour.

Oh yeah, how could I forget a really cool thing...we now have a Keurig One Cup coffee making system and it is the coolest thing in the universe...and yes, I have even seen and played with the iPad. But really great coffee (which I don't need to roast, or grind or measure or brew) in a minute is freaking awesome when you are as addicted to the substance as I am!! My birthday is coming up this Thursday, the 29th. I love K-Cups...send me some!! ;-)


Later,
Rach