It's just that I look forward to this time of year as it is usually really motivating for me. I get all sorts of stuff done, I am excited to go places, do things, hang out with people. Now, all I really want to do is hide under a rock. I am the kind of person who starts watching Christmas movies in November. I haven't watched one yet. I have listened to Elf while the kids watched it in the van. I saw about 10 minutes of both White Christmas and The Nativity Story, but walked away uninterested. You know, I could totally understand if I was like this every year, but I am SOOOOOO not.
I haven't even listened to any Christmas songs. I love Christmas music, and often have it playing in the house now, but this year...nope. Not once have I played anything Christmassy. I feel indifferent to the whole thing as if I am watching it from the outside. Everything seems entirely exhausting to me. I am used to feeling that way in the Summer, but not NOW! At the same time I am feeling antsy, restless and bored out of my mind. I have lots to do, laundry coming out of my ears, crap to be picked up. I am a total neat freak, but that aspect of me is gone, for how long, I don't know. I am doing bare bones housekeeping. I usually care so much about keeping a nice house, but now, I don't care. I hate not caring. I feel like I am not me, but I don't know where I went. Anyway, it's all weird, weird, weird.
Well, I am not looking for sympathy. Nope. There are people in the world, and some quite close to me, who are really suffering. I am just writing my stuff down to refer back to. Kind of keeping track of my wacky-ass moods. However, if you want to pray for some folks, pray for Bonnie Sager & family, and Michael Summerville & family, for health, rest and healing.