29th day of April = 43 years old.

Ok, I suck, I know. There I was just blogging along and then I got sucked into the black hole called Facebook. I have missed writing here, tho.  However, since today is my birthday, I figured it would be as a good a day as any to start back up. 

So, how do things stand for Rach, on this, the 43rd year of her birth? 

Mentally, I am doing pretty well. We are heading into mid Spring and I feel 'up'. Unlike most people dealing with mood issues, I tend to start heading down this time of year. BUT, since I did that this past Fall (lucky me!!!) maybe there is hope, for me, that I am going to have a good Summer (which would be a first counting the last 5+ years).  I have to give credit to facebook here. It is a great place for instant feedback. For instance, today, it's been a non stop flood of Birthday wishes. It's a great, drugless and free mood enhancer. Also, the fact that Ben has done REALLY WELL at The Cottage School, this year, helps too. Andy is doing great at GA State and Trader Joe's, Autumn is having fun homeschooling and is even enrolled in a cool new co-op for next year. And my marriage is spectacular...coz I have a great Hunny Bunny.

Physically, I am falling apart. This past year, I lost 30+ pounds. I have maintained that loss, but have done a fair job of screwing up my knees and right hip. I never got into a running program, only walked, but I think I was never really careful of 'how' I walked.  Like, I never really was careful how I held my posture and/or came down on my feet when ascending or descending hills etc... So, tomorrow, I have my first appt with an Orthopedic doc. The first guy I am going to see deals with hips and knees. Then I have to make a 2nd appt to see one who deals with neck and shoulders. I was in a car accident 9 years ago. I had extensive therapy and chiropractic care for several years...then I thought I was fine. Well, no. I have been back at the Chiropractor for a month with not a ton of progress being made. Today was a horrible day, pain wise. I went to my Chiro and still felt horrible after my adjustment. He continued to work on me to no avail. Both of us were stumped. Normally, I get some immediate relief. I took some extra strength OTC painkiller and it's hasn't touched the pain. This freaks me out because I am worried if I don't keep up the activity I normally do that I am going to gain some weight back...and that will suck....any suggestions?

Spiritually, it's been a weird year. Very dry. I had been doing so well (the fact that I said 'I' is probably indicative of my problem...it's about Him, right, not me) for the first 5 years of my conversion to Catholicism. Now that I am working toward my 6th year, things are getting murky. That zeal I had has really ebbed away. It's bumming me out. I am feeling what I can only imagine is a mid-life crisis. I really thought I would have had another kid. Kids are great with giving someone purpose. However, I think my ovaries ran away. C'mon, who can blame them? Let's just say Robert and I have done our part on many an optimal occasion and I feel like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer when, while digging for gold, he threw his ice pick into the ice, pulled it out, licked it and said, "Nothin!"  So, I guess I am feeling aimless and purposeless now. Yes, of course, my hubby and kids still need me. But it's so much less engrossing than the needs of an infant or toddler. I kinda feel like I should be put out to pasture (trust me, I know this is just a feeling...but still).  So, God is clearly working on this with me...and we shall see what happens.

Well, I guess I will just have to be hopeful that this new year for me will be one of physical and spiritual renewal. 

Peace,

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me...

Happy Birthday dear Rachel, Happy Birthday to me! (and many more!)

Okay, so today I am 42. Hold on a second while I cringe!.......Okay, I am back. 

Interestingly, this year, I got a few gifts ahead of time. I think this is funny because I am the friend who remembers your birthday on the exact day and then you get your present from me a month later.

Well, my li'l bro, Jon, gave me the coolest Mac recipe software called Yummy Soup.  There are already recipes in it, you can add your own to it, and you can click on a recipe(s) and set up a grocery list.  You can add pictures of the recipes too.  The other gift, which was free, but so thoughtful (and I love those kind of gifts) was a Mac software that catalogs all of one's books, dvds, cds. It's your own library. I can't remember the name, but what's cool is that the camera on the Mac turns into a bar code scanner, so you just scan the ISBN number of the item and presto it shows up, even with it's picture, reviews and where to buy it online.

My buddy Rachel sent me an adorable kitschy sign that says, "I'd give up CHOCOLATE but I'm no quitter."  LOL. And along with that came an organic chocolate bar, a cute little ceramic planter (I'll have to plant some flowers in it with Autumn) and a very pretty little ceramic picture frame with a picture of Rachie in it! Rach lives in Florida (where we met, as I used to live in Florida).  So, I like seeing her smiling face in a picture, since I don't get to see her, in person, much.  She also sent me an adorable card too. 

The most important gift I have gotten is the one I have given to myself:  a 5 pound weight loss (just 23 more to go!).  I haven't gone on something like  Weight Watchers, or counting calories, or low carb, and I have not joined a gym.  All those things I have done before.  I am not a yo yo dieter.  I was always pretty thin.  After my mom died, when I was 34, I put on 20+ pounds.  A few years ago (I guess about 5) my husband lost 55 pounds.  I kind of joined him and lost 20. I kept it off for a few months and slowly put it back on. Then I just accepted it. Almost 2 years ago, I joined a Curves near me...not to lose the weight as much as add exercise into my life.I had seen a picture of me in a bathing suit and realized I was looking quite matronly...though in my head I am anything but matronly.  It went really well and I was getting firmer.  Then, just a few months in, we started having real problems with Ben.  Then, that Spring, my eczema (which had been lying dormant for 15 years) reared it's ugly head again. This time it was not just on my hands but on my feet.  That made going to Curves impossible. I ended up losing a lot of money.  Curves say that if a doctor fills out a form they close your account or hold it.  Well, they didn't.  Needless to say, I wouldn't go back. 

 The impetus for this whole thing, as I have not cared too much about the extra 20 pounds, is that after 2 rounds of steroids, in March,for the eczema, I put on EIGHT POUNDS in ONE MONTH!!! EEEEEKKK!  Clothes I had been wearing for the last couple of years suddenly didn't fit and I freaked out. I weigh myself maybe 4 times a year.  I was weighed at the docs before the steroids, still in my 20 extra pounds holding pattern, and then I stepped on the scale in April and flipped when I saw the number. 

So, knowing I can't be told what, when, and how to eat, or have a gym contract over my head, I figured I would take the sum of all my knowledge and make it work for me.  I know what I ate before. I am not keeping a food journal ( I did that too once and it only makes me obsess about food more) I am just making better choices.  My default food it sweet and baked or salty and crunchy in two words: cookies and chips.  And I would plow them into my mouth.  I am not a binge eater or closet eater. I am not dealing with an eating disorder...just older age. Plus, I just like eating.  So, since I love food, I am choosing other foods in lieu of my default comfort foods.  I am eating tons of fruit and veggies (which, aside from weight loss, is about time as they are good for me!) and lean meats.  I am still eating bread, pasta, cookies, chips etc...just far LESS.  I guess I am using a kind of portion control thing, as I think about it.  Also, and this is KEY: more than anything I am eating MINDFULLY.  I am really thinking about what I am eating, when I eat, and taking small bites and truly savoring it.  It makes a huge difference.  I used to inhale everything.  I would taste it, but it would go down so fast, I needed to taste it again, and again, and again, and well....you get the picture.  Now I am really swirling things around in my mouth and really tasting them.  So, I find I need less to eat now. REALLY!  I know it sounds nuts but it's true.  Last, I am doing my best to make this a life thing, not temporary thing.  My mom died shortly before her 54th birthday of metastic colon cancer (it spread to both lobes of her liver).  So, when my mother was 42, she had barely 12 years left to her life.  I don't want that for me.  My mom had a legitimate eating disorder.  She was an overeater  and a very large gal.  I loved her to bits no matter what. She was my best friend.  I miss her dearly.  But I know she would want me to have what she never could seem to grasp for herself: fitness and good health.  I had them both before, it's time to reclaim them again. 

Gotta run!

Peace,

Autumn's Birthday cakes (and my pathetic Lenten failure)

Okay, I am WEAK!  Not that I never thought I was.  But I am admitting it to the world.  The whole giving up sugar for Lent went KABOOM! It started with Autumn's birthday party, which was grown up friends for us, and their kids (who are her best buds) for her...and Ben and Andrew too.  I had birthday cake and it all snowballed to Hell from there. I thought I had gotten back in the saddle by the weekend's end.  However, Autumn's actual birthday was Feb. 18th.  And she wanted a cake decorated to look like one of the  TY Girlz.   The 1st pic is from the party with friends, that is not the cake I made. The 2nd pic is Autumn with a Ty Girl, and the 3rd/4th pics are of the Ty Girl cake I made for Autumn.  I used a Cinderella cake pan from Wilton and then looked at a TY Girl and copied it onto the mold.  It turned out great!








however, I could not resist tasting it and the frosting I made all the way through. 

 So, I was at Mass today (Saturday vigil) and asked God what he wanted me to DO FOR HIM.  I am starting to feel that maybe the giving up part isn't a good idea for me.  Lent is about sacrifice, but sacrifice isn't always about giving something up, sometimes it's about adding something in.  During my prayer a vision of Rosary beads flashed in my head with the words, "Be still and know that I am God."  Now that scripture verse hasa specific significance in my life, but due to the fact that friends read this blog, I can't say (right now) exactly what that significance is.  Suffice it to say that me praying the Rosary daily is a sacrifice for me...because I am sooooooo busy.  I can be quite the 'Martha'.  I don't want to be the 'Mary' and sit still at Jesus' feet...at least not that long. (a Rosary is 20 minutes so yeah I am pathetic)...but, I'm ADHD, man!  I have things to do, places to go, rooms to clean, books to read to myself and my kids etc... and HE WANTS ME TO BE STILL !?! ...UGH!!! This may actually be WORSE than giving up the sugar. 

I can't believe I went so long without posting.  I have missed my blogging.  Cool things to be written are on the horizon...so stay tuned!

~Peace