29th day of April = 43 years old.

Ok, I suck, I know. There I was just blogging along and then I got sucked into the black hole called Facebook. I have missed writing here, tho.  However, since today is my birthday, I figured it would be as a good a day as any to start back up. 

So, how do things stand for Rach, on this, the 43rd year of her birth? 

Mentally, I am doing pretty well. We are heading into mid Spring and I feel 'up'. Unlike most people dealing with mood issues, I tend to start heading down this time of year. BUT, since I did that this past Fall (lucky me!!!) maybe there is hope, for me, that I am going to have a good Summer (which would be a first counting the last 5+ years).  I have to give credit to facebook here. It is a great place for instant feedback. For instance, today, it's been a non stop flood of Birthday wishes. It's a great, drugless and free mood enhancer. Also, the fact that Ben has done REALLY WELL at The Cottage School, this year, helps too. Andy is doing great at GA State and Trader Joe's, Autumn is having fun homeschooling and is even enrolled in a cool new co-op for next year. And my marriage is spectacular...coz I have a great Hunny Bunny.

Physically, I am falling apart. This past year, I lost 30+ pounds. I have maintained that loss, but have done a fair job of screwing up my knees and right hip. I never got into a running program, only walked, but I think I was never really careful of 'how' I walked.  Like, I never really was careful how I held my posture and/or came down on my feet when ascending or descending hills etc... So, tomorrow, I have my first appt with an Orthopedic doc. The first guy I am going to see deals with hips and knees. Then I have to make a 2nd appt to see one who deals with neck and shoulders. I was in a car accident 9 years ago. I had extensive therapy and chiropractic care for several years...then I thought I was fine. Well, no. I have been back at the Chiropractor for a month with not a ton of progress being made. Today was a horrible day, pain wise. I went to my Chiro and still felt horrible after my adjustment. He continued to work on me to no avail. Both of us were stumped. Normally, I get some immediate relief. I took some extra strength OTC painkiller and it's hasn't touched the pain. This freaks me out because I am worried if I don't keep up the activity I normally do that I am going to gain some weight back...and that will suck....any suggestions?

Spiritually, it's been a weird year. Very dry. I had been doing so well (the fact that I said 'I' is probably indicative of my problem...it's about Him, right, not me) for the first 5 years of my conversion to Catholicism. Now that I am working toward my 6th year, things are getting murky. That zeal I had has really ebbed away. It's bumming me out. I am feeling what I can only imagine is a mid-life crisis. I really thought I would have had another kid. Kids are great with giving someone purpose. However, I think my ovaries ran away. C'mon, who can blame them? Let's just say Robert and I have done our part on many an optimal occasion and I feel like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer when, while digging for gold, he threw his ice pick into the ice, pulled it out, licked it and said, "Nothin!"  So, I guess I am feeling aimless and purposeless now. Yes, of course, my hubby and kids still need me. But it's so much less engrossing than the needs of an infant or toddler. I kinda feel like I should be put out to pasture (trust me, I know this is just a feeling...but still).  So, God is clearly working on this with me...and we shall see what happens.

Well, I guess I will just have to be hopeful that this new year for me will be one of physical and spiritual renewal. 

Peace,

One very bad dude!

This whole article was taken from Life After RC. It was so good I had to reprint her here.  I hope those of you in RC realize that if you were to remove Catholicism from this scenario Maciel would be seen as a predatory con-man pure and simple. It is only our faith that muddles this situation. Like the author says, LC and RC really has no charism. It's just real Catholicism dressed up as a movement. Go back to authentic Catholicism and practice it in your home parish among your family and fellow man. Leave this group to wither like chaff. ~Rachel

A con-man

Glenn Favreau summarises our current understanding of Maciel:

I was a Legionary of Christ for nearly 14 years. I have been working with Regain for nearly 10 years now, and I have followed the genesis of the downfall of Marcial Maciel since the first Hartford Courant articles in 1997 more closely than most people. It has been my business to help ex-members as they leave the group, to counsel parents, and to provide truthful information both about my experience and about the group.

Over the years, I have come to an intimate knowledge of the workings of the Legion and the place that Maciel is given in these workings. I have carefully studied many diverse responses to the person of Maciel as his private life and public activities have come to light and been commented upon. I am of the opinion that Marcial Maciel began the Legion of Christ with no spiritual motivation whatsoever.  He was a con man. He was a very good con man. Whether he was caught up in the typical con man's dilemma of believing his own con or not will probably never be known, unless he confided to this to individuals outside of the Legion of Christ.  

If Maciel were of any other profession (outside of the Catholic Church) and committed this type of fraud in any other framework, we would call him a con man with out any hesitation. Unfortunately, we naturally try to save the perceived "spiritual" aspect since we share in it as Catholics. I say “unfortunately” , because if we could overcome our own bias in this regard, we could put this entire saga into the annals of the history of the greatest cons of our time, and make peace with the fact that we bought into it, we were mistaken, and we can move on.

When you compare the reaction that faithful Catholics have about the "gifts" that Maciel left to the Church, no one can beat Diogenes for an analogy:

[C]onsider a woman whose husband ingeniously hid his infidelities from her for many years. Once she realized she had been deceived, the gifts he brought back from his business trips would be understood to have been instruments in that deception. Far from cherishing the jewelry he gave her, she'd feel that the diamonds now mocked the affection and fidelity they symbolized. By the same token, Maciel's addresses will be spiritually kosher -- he was after all a highly successful deceiver. But those addresses dishonor the very truths they expound, and it's impossible that they can cause anything but distress and confusion in those who attempt to nourish themselves on them.

If we consider that the victims of Maciel (not the physical abuse victims, but the hood-winked rank-and-file) are in the position of the foolish wife who trusted a man despite the warnings of others, we will understand their trauma, their reaction, their fumbling about for explanations. Betrayal is a horrific thing and it takes tremendous grace -- especially humility -- to arrive at the fullness of truth. It takes grace -- and time.

If it helps, we can remember that he fooled the hierarchy as well (the one's he didn't pay off to help cover his game) and his cloak of orthodoxy is a "plug and play" for those who understand the faith. As his followers attest, the "charism" is nothing more than Basic Catholicism -- so he didn't even take the time to invent something new. What the Magisterium didn't provide, Stephen Covey did. A clever con, but only a con in the end.

February 18, 2009 in Deceit for the Kingdom 

The nails continue to be driven into the coffin

More on Maciel and if the LC/RC charism can really still be valid. The following was taking from this article. Below is an excerpt using not only Maciel's own words but a passage from the Gospel that LC used to use to defend Maciel and now seems to do nothing but damn him. Folks, this is looking worse with every passing second. 

But consider these passages from volumes called Envoy, which publish selections of Maciel’s letters recommended as spiritual reading to Legionaries and Regnum Christi members. They demonstrate the problem the Legionaries will have in keeping them as part of their spirituality. 

Purity of heart… is so foreign to the licentiousness and cult of sex all around us that it shows clearly you are committed to follow Christ… a great measure of your apostolic fruitfulness depends on it, since to a great degree our possession of God depends on this virtue. (Vitoria 13 August 1959) 

We should never lie for any reason whatsoever. It is a mortal sin when God is greatly offended by causing damage against religion, the Church or Authority, or when the name and good reputation of other people is considerably damaged… “Lips that lie are abhorrent to Yahweh” (Proverbs 12:22). (Bermuda 23 February 1962) 

If you want to convince others of the value of a certain lifestyle, you will attain little or nothing if you yourself do not demonstrate your personal convictions by your actions. Such is the wisdom of the popular refrain, “Actions speak louder than words.” (Rome 1 November 1991) 

These are passages of Maciel that cannot now be read with a straight face let alone serve as spiritual nourishment. Will Legionary novices, as they have in the past, continue to learn the charism from daily study of the many volumes of Cartas de Nuestro Padre? (Can they still call him “Nuestro Padre”?) Can we learn from a hypocrite to hate hypocrisy? By his own words, his impurity, lying, and hypocrisy rendered Maciel’s ministry fruitless and abhorrent to God. His own words refute the Legionary claim to recognize the good that can come even from a flawed instrument.. And if we must discard some of Maciel’s writings because they have become inconvenient, what is the criterion for choosing and keeping any of them? 

Maciel’s defenders always cited Matthew 7.20. Father Kearns wrote in 2006 after the discipline: “Vindication has always come, because the Judge's instructions to the jury have always been the same: By their fruits you will know them.” Father Neuhaus had based his “moral certitude” of knowing Maciel’s innocence by the fruits of his professed orthodoxy and the Legion’s impressive vocational statistics. But the argument was always circular: it excluded a priori from consideration those who were damaged by their experience of the Legion and Regnum Christi and became critics, including those who lost their faith or nearly did because in the name of Christ they had been manipulated and lied to. The accusers were always themselves fruits of the tree, even though they were not believed.

Now that they, not Maciel, have been vindicated, Matthew 7.18 comes into focus: A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. As Legionaries confront their past and face their future, it will not be easy for them to account for these words of the Lord. 

... honesty would make a healthier attitude for Legionaries to adopt than Father Corcuera’s “regarding the person of our Father Founder, I cannot but recognize all the good I received through him.” If Legionaries continue to claim publicly that a sexual predator and liar led them to faith and vocation, we must wonder how authentically Catholic and Christian that faith and vocation ever was. Is their Jesus our Jesus? 

Vows of Silence documentary overview

LC/RC Talking Points re: Maciel

EXLC Priest's blog, Third Journey

The audacity of the Legion. I had an actual member of RC tell me that she wasn't going to talk about what Maciel did because that was a sin. HUH? Whah?

If you are in LC or RC,  I have three words to say to you:  

GET OUT NOW!

Ash Wednesday & Lent

I hope everyone, who celebrates Lent, will have a blessed Ash Wednesday and Lent. Here is an amazingly wonderful prayer that I found while in Adoration. It is in the January 2009 edition of the Magnificat. I typed it here because it is so wonderful I want everyone who doesn't know about (or like me, subscribe to) the Magnificat to be able to use it. My friend Sara and I are going to say this prayer each day of Lent. We thought it was a perfect prayer for Lent, since it has to do with conversion.  ~Peace

Litany of Ongoing Conversion

 

Response: Lord, give me the grace of conversion.

 

Lord Jesus,

 

When I look at my life from the starting point of my own insufficiencies instead if from the fact of your compassion, grace, and love for me. R

 

When I would prefer to live by my own thoughts and my own understanding instead of by your Truth which alone can set me

free, R

 

When I would rather brood over what annoys me than to turn myself over to you who always invite me to come to you, R

 

When I obsess over self-absorption, complacency, and self-assertiveness, R

 

When I get dejected about my sin, not because it offends you, but because it prevents me from being able to take delight in myself, R

 

Whenever I live in a dualistic way, as if my faith and my “real life” are two separate things, R

  

 When I am deceived into thinking my happiness depends on something in the future instead of what you give me in the present, R

 

When discouragement and shame make it hard for me to be faithful, R

 

When I become distraught over the evil I would commit if left to myself, forgetting that I do not live according to myself but that I live in you, R

 

When self-doubt and fear seem to have the last say, R

 

When I miss the point of my fragility, a gift you give me so that I will be prompted to rely on you, R

 

When I am inclined to interpret my problems as punishment and my miseries as being abandoned by God, R

 

When impenetrability takes over my life, making me resistant to your beauty and all the little ways you ordain to give yourself to me, R

 

When I get distracted, my emotions, my passions, my regrets, R

   

When I get duped into thinking I must fix myself up in order to have a relationship with you, forgetting that you come to me with your love just the way I am, R

 

When I treat my faith like some answer to be sought instead of as a loving Presence to be affirmed, R

 

When I get discouraged by chronic or recurring sins in my life, R

 

When I would attempt to earn your favor by my achievements, forgetting that I did not choose you, but it is you who chose me, R

 

When scandalized by my own selfishness and self-assertion, R

 

When the oppressive nihilism of life makes me ignore or reduce the desires of my heart that lead me to you, R

 

When independence or self-sufficiency make me resist the companionship with others through which you will to give me your friendship and tenderness, R

 

Whenever I treat my preconceptions like idols that drain my life of wonder and simplicity, R

 

When the evidence of all that is wrong with my life leads me to become paralyzed, indifferent, or lax, R

 

When I get preoccupied with all my self-justifications try to convince myself that I am lovable, R

 

When I would rather live my life in a safe and sheltered way instead of living my life as a risk, putting your will first in all things, R

 

When the daily inner rebellion makes me cynical and negative about what really matters most, R

 

When my misgivings keep me from receiving the fresh embrace of love you offer me every moment, R

 

~ Our Father…

 

Wake up and smell the coffee folks!

This is probably the best piece I have read on the Fr. Maciel/Legionairies of Christ/Regnum Christi Movement that I have read so far. There is no escaping the real problem of staying with, or even keeping alive, this 'Movement'. Hey, that very word gets freaky after you say it enough. I got this link from my friend, Sara, who is a newly minted Regnum Christi member, who may be newly exiting the 'Movement' soon. First, she feels God has her where He wants her...to make a difference to those entrenched and need help sorting this mess out...my prayers are with her. 

What frickin mess. 

Peace,

The World Over Interview with Legionary Priests. Worth watching!

After watching these men speak, not only does my heartbreak for them, but I actually feel much better about the future of all the wonderful God fearing folks in LC and RC. This is absolutely worth watching. And I couldn't agree more with Fr. Morris' statements that if we just let Christ show us the way, and follow His guidance, He will take all the pain and suffering and evil and bring about a greater good. God does have a perfect plan here. We have to pray for that plan to be brought to fruition and pray we don't get in His way. 

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Finally, here is today's blog post from Raymond Arroyo's Seen and Unseen addressing this very issue.

Peace~

Very, very funny SNL skits

Oh if I could only close Pandora's Box.

I have been reading, from all sorts of sources, about Fr. Maciel, and I may be changing my tune about LC/RC. It is absolutely filled with wonderful people,to be sure, but Maciel's deliberate leading of a double life suggests real evil and hunger for power which he used the Church and very faithful people to carry out. It is not enough to say, anymore, that he was a saintly man being persecuted. I was reading St. Paul today, 1 Corinthians. He said said some very tough things about immorality in general and went on to talk further about the condemnation one brings upon themselves taking the Eucharist unworthily. Remember, even Christ told us that the Devil parades as an Angel of Light. To all my friends in RC, be prepared for the coming storm. It's going to be bad.

Instead of sticking one's head in the sand, I suggest these various websites to really investigate further the practices of this 'movement's' heirarchy.


Fr. Berg's letter

Parsing Fr. Berg's Letter

Fr. Alvaro's Letter to RC

Something I Missed

Former Consecrated woman of RC

More on Maciel

Maciel, Saul, Judas

Proper Forgiveness

20 Signs of Trouble

ReGain

Finally, I will end with St.Paul. 1 Corinthians 6:15-20

15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."^[b] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

 18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

It is one thing to commit sin and confess and try to do better. We all do that. We have all screwed up. But how truly evil would it be to continue you sin in secrecy. Tell others to keep it secret, and continue to run an organization trying to combat the VERY sins you are willfully committing? To continue in that sin in secrecy, when you are head of an apostolate, and not remove yourself from power,  is beyond scandal. Also remember, if you are Catholic, that we don't believe that a person's sins affect only them, but the whole church. Look at what Maciel's sin is doing to so many. What a travesty!!!

Someone said that LC priests should just become parish priests within their particular diocese and that LC should just be dissovled, as well as RC should be disbanded. I am thinking that may be the best way to go since Maciel had developed such a cult of personality and LC/RC are more synonymous with him than even Christ himself. My 2cents, after my research, which is still ongoing, is to get out of RC if you are in it, while you still can. Oh, and if you have a kid in one of their seminaries, get them out! If they really have a vocation to the priesthood or the religious life, they will find it at any of the other tried and true Orders. 

I know this post may make some angry. However, it's only intent is to make one think.

Peace,

Should have won Best Album of the Year.

Whoever came up with the idea of having a marching band play 15 STEP was a genius. It highlights Radiohead's brilliance. Wish I coulda been there to hear it for myself. I bet it was awesome.

Regnum Christi

I just want to say how heartbroken I am for all my friends in Regnum Christi and for the priests of Legionaries of Christ. I am not a member, but have been involved with FAMILIA (which is an RC apostolate) and loved every second of it. I know this is going to be a tough time for all those involved in the movement. All I can say is don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The bathwater being Fr. Maciel. The baby being all the good that has come from LC and RC. As Catholics our sin doesn't only affect us personally, but affects us communally. So, there will be pain and suffering for LC and RC as all the details come out and they are inevitably raked over the coals. However, the Deciever LOVES this kind of thing. He loves to set up a leader to fall bigtime and then scatter all the good work that leader may have done, in spite of his sins. We are all imperfect. Like Christ said, "Those among you without sin cast the first stone."  This doesn't mean we turn a blind eye to the alleged double life of Fr. Maciel. However, if Christ's kingdom has been advanced and families have more peace and love in them, and life is held more sacred, then maybe, Regnum Christi should be able to continue...beaten and battered...but possibly more anchored in Christ and stronger for the road ahead. 

I am a convert to Catholicism. I was called to the Church during the terrible sex-scandals. I was thinking."What? Why on earth now?" But the Church of Christ has to be stronger and more meaningful than the sinners it is comprised of. If we were all so wonderful and perfect, then why would we need Her in the first place. 

Peace,

Support for Unschooling in the strangest places.

I want to encourage all unschoolers, whatever their religious ilk, to read Called Out of Darkness by Anne Rice. It is her spiritual memoir. However, she spends alot of time on how she was educated and she feels very strongly that school was not the place that her education truly occurred. She referred to school, in the book, as a prison. She talks, at length, about how she was not a reader, and actually struggled with reading most of her life. However, she took in the most valuable information she ever received through the myriad sensous experiences in life: stained glass windows and statues at church, conversations with her mother, stories told by teachers and friends, poetry, art, music, films, radio shows etc...

As a Catholic convert, I picked up the book to read about her re-version to Catholicism. I also love her novels and was curious as to whether Called Out of Darkness would cover her writing history. The book doesn't disappoint on either of those counts. However, I was overwhelmingly surprised, and quite vindicated, to read that as famous and voluminous an author as she is, she was never really a reader, and when she finally did tackle reading novels, it came to her late. One doesn't need to be a reader to be a writer. I loved that she found school a waste of her precious time, and truly believes she learned little there. I really encourage all homeschoolers and especially unschoolers to read this book. It is quite illuminating on all sorts of levels.

Peace,

At long last she returns!

Hi all my buddies out there. I have been very lengthily distracted by finding old friends on Facebook. It has been SOOOOO COOL getting back in touch with all the people I have come across. It has been really interesting how re-connecting with certain people can give one a new perspective on how things really were all those years ago, or even how we were all thinking similar or vastly different things. 

The other big thing I noticed was how my memories of the past came sliding in to focus like an avalanche. All of a sudden people from other times and places came charging into my head and I felt I just HAD to track them down too. It made me realize how the different paths in our lives take us in such divergent directions, but all the while we never intended to lose touch, yet somehow did. 

Oops, I gotta go pick up Ben. But I wanted to encourage any of my friends out here in blogland or yahoogroups to get on Facebook. It is sooo fun putting a name to a face. 

Gotta run!

Peace

Weirdest Advent/Christmas season ever.

Okay, anyone who knows me knows that I haven't blogged because I, like many other friends, am now addicted to facebook. However, I felt compelled to write and say that I am having the most emotionally numb Christmas season ever. I LOVE this time of year, normally, but I have been dealing with a depression that keeps dragging me to the brink of despair, since late August. I am working with a trained professional to help me through it, so don't worry.

 It's just that I look forward to this time of year as it is usually really motivating for me. I get all sorts of stuff done, I am excited to go places, do things, hang out with people. Now, all I really want to do is hide under a rock. I am the kind of person who starts watching Christmas movies in November. I haven't watched one yet. I have listened to Elf while the kids watched it in the van. I saw about 10 minutes of both White Christmas and  The Nativity Story, but walked away uninterested. You know, I could totally understand if I was like this every year, but I am SOOOOOO not.

 I haven't even listened to any Christmas songs. I love Christmas music, and often have it playing in the house now, but this year...nope.  Not once have I played anything Christmassy. I feel indifferent to the whole thing as if I am watching it from the outside. Everything seems entirely exhausting to me.  I am used to feeling that way in the Summer, but not NOW! At the same time I am feeling antsy, restless and bored out of my mind. I have lots to do, laundry coming out of my ears, crap to be picked up. I am a total neat freak, but that aspect of me is gone, for how long, I don't know. I am doing bare bones housekeeping. I usually care so much about keeping a nice house, but now, I don't care.  I hate not caring. I feel like I am not me, but I don't know where I went. Anyway, it's all weird, weird, weird.

Well, I am not looking for sympathy. Nope. There are people in the world, and some quite close to me, who are really suffering. I am just writing my stuff down to refer back to. Kind of keeping track of my wacky-ass moods. However, if you want to pray for some folks, pray for Bonnie Sager & family, and  Michael Summerville & family, for health, rest and healing. 

Thanks,

Too Funny and so true!

And let me tell you, that up until about a year ago, I was a die hard PC user. But it is true that once you go Mac you never go back. 

This says it all.

Here's a picture I just found in a box full of pictures (my mom's idea of an photo album) of my mom, me and my brother, Jon. I am probably 20 or 21 here, I think. Do you see how I loved my mother. I am not sad here. I am just lovin' my mama. I loved snuggling into her for no reason at all other than to be close. I really miss her. 

I'm off to vote for Saxby

Here's Zell Miller (okay it's SNL's Will Forte, but still) explaining why he is voting for Saxby Chambliss. You know, I can't help but agree. And I say we start working, right now, on Peabody Tittlecud's bid for the presidency in 2012!
 

Me and Sara

Here is a Photobooth (a Mac app) pic of Sara and me. Sara's blog is Those That Wonder. She has recently updated the look and has some cool new pictures as well. This was taken when she just 'dropped by' a couple of days before Thanksgiving. I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DROP BY!!! I really do. I am totally into following things on a whim. I am the perpetual 'drop by-er' it was fun that it happened to me.  Anyway, I love Sara. She is a great friend and we share our conversion to Catholicism together.  She is also a homeschooler of 3 kids too. I am hoping to just drop by on her today as I will be in her section of Roswell, in a bit. I am bummed that she is moving farther away. It's just an extra 10-15 minutes north...but it was nice knowing she was just across town. However, I have seen this new house and it is just what she needs, more space. If there is a person in life who needs just a little spoiling it is Sara. I think she deserves this wonderful new place.

Peace,

No, I am not going to sleep...I am going shopping.

Robert and I have decided to attend our first ever Black Friday event. I have never gone shopping on Black Friday. At least not that I can remember.  However, I HAVE worked Black Fridays before, when I was much, much younger and working in record stores.  Well, this year, because of the flagging economy stores and malls (we are going to the latter) are opening at 12:01AM Friday morning. So, Hunny and I are off to see all the "deal hounds" and make fun of all the sheeple.  There isn't anything at the mall we want. (Okay, maybe I would like a Twilight t-shirt.) Everything we are getting for each other or the kids or friends is easier bought online than in a store. I am thinking of this as a kind of warped cultural experience.

So, off I go. The only thing luring me is free coffee. Free coffee and great deals (which I won't avail myself of) are what the mall is offering for folks to drag their tryptophan induced exhausted selves out at midnight. 

Off we go....

P.S. I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving.

Great minds are the same game.

My blog/facebook pal Wendy and I are the same game...who woulda thought.

You Are Boggle

You are an incredibly creative and resourceful person. You're able to dig deep and think outside the box to get things done. You are a non linear thinker. You don't like following directions You draw your inspiration from the strangest places sometimes. You're constantly inspired.

What Board Game Are You?

Remember the 80's?

This is me when I was in New York testing for a big deal modeling agency. I am 16 and it is 1982. Check out the New Wave hair!!

This is during the same time, different shoot, different day, different photographer (actually it was the guy who shot the Cosmopolitan covers at the time). Anyone else remember those Norma Kamali bathing suits?