Ash Wednesday & Lent

I hope everyone, who celebrates Lent, will have a blessed Ash Wednesday and Lent. Here is an amazingly wonderful prayer that I found while in Adoration. It is in the January 2009 edition of the Magnificat. I typed it here because it is so wonderful I want everyone who doesn't know about (or like me, subscribe to) the Magnificat to be able to use it. My friend Sara and I are going to say this prayer each day of Lent. We thought it was a perfect prayer for Lent, since it has to do with conversion.  ~Peace

Litany of Ongoing Conversion

 

Response: Lord, give me the grace of conversion.

 

Lord Jesus,

 

When I look at my life from the starting point of my own insufficiencies instead if from the fact of your compassion, grace, and love for me. R

 

When I would prefer to live by my own thoughts and my own understanding instead of by your Truth which alone can set me

free, R

 

When I would rather brood over what annoys me than to turn myself over to you who always invite me to come to you, R

 

When I obsess over self-absorption, complacency, and self-assertiveness, R

 

When I get dejected about my sin, not because it offends you, but because it prevents me from being able to take delight in myself, R

 

Whenever I live in a dualistic way, as if my faith and my “real life” are two separate things, R

  

 When I am deceived into thinking my happiness depends on something in the future instead of what you give me in the present, R

 

When discouragement and shame make it hard for me to be faithful, R

 

When I become distraught over the evil I would commit if left to myself, forgetting that I do not live according to myself but that I live in you, R

 

When self-doubt and fear seem to have the last say, R

 

When I miss the point of my fragility, a gift you give me so that I will be prompted to rely on you, R

 

When I am inclined to interpret my problems as punishment and my miseries as being abandoned by God, R

 

When impenetrability takes over my life, making me resistant to your beauty and all the little ways you ordain to give yourself to me, R

 

When I get distracted, my emotions, my passions, my regrets, R

   

When I get duped into thinking I must fix myself up in order to have a relationship with you, forgetting that you come to me with your love just the way I am, R

 

When I treat my faith like some answer to be sought instead of as a loving Presence to be affirmed, R

 

When I get discouraged by chronic or recurring sins in my life, R

 

When I would attempt to earn your favor by my achievements, forgetting that I did not choose you, but it is you who chose me, R

 

When scandalized by my own selfishness and self-assertion, R

 

When the oppressive nihilism of life makes me ignore or reduce the desires of my heart that lead me to you, R

 

When independence or self-sufficiency make me resist the companionship with others through which you will to give me your friendship and tenderness, R

 

Whenever I treat my preconceptions like idols that drain my life of wonder and simplicity, R

 

When the evidence of all that is wrong with my life leads me to become paralyzed, indifferent, or lax, R

 

When I get preoccupied with all my self-justifications try to convince myself that I am lovable, R

 

When I would rather live my life in a safe and sheltered way instead of living my life as a risk, putting your will first in all things, R

 

When the daily inner rebellion makes me cynical and negative about what really matters most, R

 

When my misgivings keep me from receiving the fresh embrace of love you offer me every moment, R

 

~ Our Father…

 

Prayers

I just want to thank everyone out there, who I know and who I don't, who has prayed for our family over the last few days. It is amazing. The prayers of others can be seen and felt. Ben had a miraculous day, at school, yesterday. He was telling me in the car, ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL, that he felt really happy inside. I told him I was thrilled to hear it and that it was because so many people are praying for him. When Ben got home, however, things weren't so great. But hey, at least it DID NOT have anything to do with school. We were back to being "the most unfair, mean parents ever" over something else entirely.

I, however, am still in the weirdest darn place. I can't even describe it. It is a like a slow emotional descent. Part of the reason *I* am dealing with stuff fairly well right now is that I literally DON'T CARE about much. It's like everything has been stripped away and so little really matters. I don't necessarily feel depressed or sad and I can still laugh and smile. I just feel kinda numb....just resigned. It's kind of like my vulnerability has a forcefield around it. I think I am unconsciously cocooning my emotions. Kinda like it is safer if they just stay shut up and away. My angry outbursts are starting to dissipate, which I think is directly related to not caring. If you don't care, you don't get angry. This clearly must be my mode of self-preservation, which I posted about earlier. I think I am just going to have to ride this out...there is no use fighting it.

I DO want to let everyone know that yesterday I prayed for the intentions of all those who have been praying for me. I hope you are all doubly blessed.

Peace,

Woo Hoo! Andrew got a job at TRADER JOE'S

It took over a month and alot of persistence, but he finally did it. I tell you getting a job at Trader Joe's  is harder than Hilary realizing her campaign was over. Finally, the boy will start making his own money and forging his way in the world. Next comes registering for college. Oh my! 

There are only five Trader Joe's in Metro Atlanta and he will be working at the one a mile from the house. Yipee!

And to all my 'peeps' out there who have been praying for Andrew re: the Trader Joe's job, I just want to say a heartfelt thank you.

(Oh, did I say that he gets a 10% discount?  That means, while he still lives here, a 10% discount on groceries! SCORE!)

Peace~

Harshing My Bliss

Okay I am back to whining. I am so frickin' pissed at this hive situation. Now I am getting them in my sleep...even if I nap. What!?! Am I not supposed to get too warm in my comfy bed now?! WTF!?! Here I am trying to change my life for the better. I am making better food choices, I am getting my butt to workout, and I *WAS* really enjoying it! Now I have hit a brick wall...no better yet...a big hivy, itchy, hot WALL! This is complete CRAP!

God, what is up? That's not a rhetorical statement, really God, what is up? I got Ben screaming down my neck to make him happy and find him something to do and I thought You helped me to find this place that I *was* in to help me through all this crap. Walking outside got me alone, in nature, with You. We even had some very nice conversations...or so I thought. Summer sucks for me, You know that, and walking and working out were really helping. Please make this go away. Don't let me be stuck here with no where to go when I need to have somewhere to go. I get the whole suffering thing. If I am not suffering due to Ben's issues, then I am suffering with some itchy allergic mess. I have offered this stuff to you, but I don't get it. Why cut me off at every pass? What do you want?
Oh, and lest I sound too ungrateful thank you for central air conditioning and benadryl. ~Amen~

Crankily yours,
Rach





In these pictures you can see a distinct redness in my face as opposed to my neck. What seems like acne on my face are hives that are what are called wheals (or welts) from bigger clusters of hives.  The worse thing, like anything could be worse than the maddening itch, is how flipping hot my face gets when the hives start. All I can do is hold a washcloth filled with ice against my face. It totally sucks.

It's a boy! (needs prayers)

No, not mine, really, but we were just asked to be his Godparents.  I have a Godson, I'm going to be a Godmama...how cool!  My little Godson's name is Terry Andrew S.... (not mentioning last names).  I have never had this honor before.  My kids have honorary Godparents, because we weren't Catholic when they were born.  Robert was recently asked to be the Godfather to his best bud's ( from college) little girl.  Though they are Methodist, and having been one once, I know they don't actually acknowledge Godparents.  It's really just a nice way of honoring a close friend...like what I did with my kids.  There was no ceremony.

Anyway, enough blabbering.  Terry is the 3rd child (and 3rd son) to friends from church.  He looks like his mom, Rebecca, which is nice, since his Dad, Steve, already has the first two, Stevie and Brad, who look like him.

I have been told that his first name is in honor of St. Therese the Little Flower. And, I don't know why his middle name is Andrew,  though because I have an Andrew,  I told Steve I couldn't say no to being Terry's Godmother, because I am partial to the name Andrew.  :-) 

 Please pray for Terry and Rebecca.  He was taken by C-sec early, his due date was 3/14,  but he was born 2/25,  because Rebecca was becoming Toxemic.  He was just 2 -1/2 weeks early, and a good size: about 7-1/2 lbs and almost 20inches long.  However, he was having a hard time breathing due to fluid in his lungs.  The NICU team expects he'll be fine, but now he has a line to his tummy to tube feed him due to a weak suck and his is getting jaundiced.  He has not roomed in with Rebecca and is still in the nursery. Rebecca has only seen him a couple of times, and the first time was TWO DAYS after he was born!!!  The hosptial staff has not been that understanding for reasons I discuss later in this post.  So, suffice it to say, Rebecca has been quite stressed out!

Rebecca wasn't able to nurse Stevie, but with my help (the Nipple Nazi) she nursed Brad for a year.  She wants to do the same with Terry and all this stuff going on is really  taking it's toll on her.  As a result,  her blood pressure has shot back up and the docs are having a hard time stabilizing it.  We need prayers that Rebecca's blood pressure stablizes, and that Terry gets his strength up and his bilirubin out and will be able to nurse and come home.  Both of them are still in the hospital and this is really tough on husband Steve, Stevie, 6, and Brad, 30 months.

Both Steve and Rebecca are faithful Catholics.  Both also suffer from disabilities...Steve has a seizure disorder and paralysis on one side.  Rebecca has a visual impairment of both irises.  As a result, the staff at the hospital is sometimes less than understanding.  One gets the feeling that many of them resent that Steve and Rebecca dared to even have one child let alone THREE!    It is a shame how much judgement and lack of love there is in the world.  Well, I applaud them and everyone at our Parish,  who are just great about helping them.

Please pray for all of them, but especially mom and baby: Rebecca and Terry.

And, hey, I have been asking God for another baby,  maybe my answer is this Godbaby...how cool!

Thank You!

Prayer to the Holy Spirit...perfect for Lent

Come,  Holy Spirit.

Replace the tension within me with a holy relaxation.

Replace the turbulence within me with a sacred calm.

Replace the anxiety within me with a quiet confidence.

Replace the fear within me with a strong faith.

Replace the bitterness within me with the sweetness of grace.

Replace the darkness within me with a gentle light.

Replace the coldness within me with a loving warmth.

Replace the night within me with Your day.

Replace the Winter within me with Your Spring.

Straighten my crookedness.

Fill my emptiness.

Dull the edge of my pride.

Sharpen the edge of my humility.

Light the fires of my love.

Quench the flames of my lust.

Let me see myself as YOU see me,

That I may see You as You have promised me,

And be healed according to Your word.

In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirt.  

Amen

Above is the opening prayer of a Christ Renews His Parish meeting, but instead of saying 'me' we say 'us'.

I find it is an amazing prayer to say in the morning,  as a Morning Offering, because of it's theme of complete surrender.

~Peace

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Thank you, God, for letting it snow tonight.  I know there are so many people in the world who see it everyday and don't enjoy it for the peaceful , beautiful, wonderful thing that it is.  The kids have been so happy. They ran around the house looking for hats and gloves screaming, "It's snowing, it's a MIRACLE!"  Then my 18 year old son danced in the front yard as the huge flakes hit his face. That is life in Atlanta, where snow is a welcome Miracle. I hope school is out tomorrow.  

Thanks Big Guy!

Amen!

Going Radio Silent

or , rather, Blog Silent. I have a ton of stuff going on and have to completely avoid the computer. It is way too much of a distraction (more like ESCAPE) right now. Even emails are going to be tossed aside for a bit =:-0. I think I will be back next Monday. Pray for Ben...this is not a good time for Bipolar kids (or consequently, their parents)! Thanks.

~ Peace~