Ben is reading on his own!

It has taken a long time and a lot of hard work, on his part, and little to do with the public school system, or me (for that matter), but Ben is reading on his own and he's doing well. Ben is 11 and a half. He reads pretty slowly, but he'll only get better with time. He has read me 12 pages of this book,

which he is thoroughly enjoying. I have to say I like the book alot myself. That is a good thing, because prior to this book, he was trying to read BONE and that thing just puts me to sleep.

So, for all those out there who think that if their kid isn't reading at 6 that they are ruined for life, well you are wrong. Kids will read, when they are good and ready to read.

Peace,

Warrior Cats

So, in my never ending quest to find novels to read aloud to Autumn, we finally found something really cool. It's a whole series of books called Warriors. This website will tell you all you need to know. At first, I passed on it, because Autumns was given one of the books. However, it was smack in the middle of the series (we didn't know that) and we didn't know what was going on. Two nights ago she was telling me how her bff , Morgan, was telling her about the story, when they last visited. So, Tum and I looked it up on Amazon and realized, if we were going to get into this story, we'd better start from the beginning.

Today I have read the first 4 chapters to Autumn and it is great. The reviews at Amazon gave all the books in the series, so far, 5 stars. What we love is that it is about cats. It's reminiscent of Watership Down, except it's about cats. Well, we LOVE cats. So, we are really enjoying this book. Of course, I love reading to Autumn, but my prayer is that someday she will take off reading on her own. I figure if I keep reading to her, eventually it will happen. Clearly, she already loves books...so that is just fine with me.

~Peace

I give up!

My paying Autumn to read has been a miserable failure.  Well, maybe not.  Some would say it failed because she decided after making about 15 bucks that she was done and showed no further interest in pursuing reading on her own.  Remember,  I never pressured her to read.  I just set a mutually agreed upon amount to a mutually agreed upon series of books,  after asking her if she was even willing to undertake this task in the first place.  So, Alfie Kohn might say it was a success because it absolutely demonstrated that unless one is intrinsically motivated,  they are going to lose interest in whatever it is they are doing, no matter the 'reward'.  The fact that she had some serious coin to make, but lost interest after about a week is quite telling.  The kid likes money.  Apparently, though,  money doesn't mean as much to her as I thought (and I really *love* that!).  Below is an excerpt from Sandra Dodd's website. It was a gentle smack in my face as to what I wasn't letting happen.  Read on and you'll see.  Therefore,  for Autumn's sake, I am giving up and letting her come to reading in her own good time.

ALERT- ALERT -ALERT THE FOLLOWING POST IS NOT MINE. IT IS FROM SANDRA DODD'S WEBSITE

The Deeper Effect of a Child Learning to Read: Confidence

a Mom in a discussion online: A homeschooling friend has shared that she feels we need to teach the basics then unschool them.

Joyce Fetteroll:Your friend is wrong. If she's never experienced a child who learned to read or do math without instruction then of course she's not going to be able to imagine it's possible.

Sandra Dodd: If what the friend is imagining is that a child who reads will then acquire all the other knowledge on her own, that's not the worst vision in the world If what the friend is hoping is the child will get past the point that the mom worries about getting in trouble or failing entirely, I can understand her reasoning.

If she REALLY wants to unschool, though, it will help her immensely to see how many ways children can learn without reading. And it will help the children immensely to have the deep confidence that they can learn without instruction. Any child who has learned to read without "being taught" (and I have three of them) cannot doubt that he can learn other things without finding a teacher and following a prescribed course.

Holly takes fiddle lessons. In the course of a month she has private, paired and group sessions. She really likes that. She shows me what she learns and I play with her at home. I found her some songs and a book and she goes outside of just what the teacher has assigned. Many music students don't. School-trained, or just lacking courage and joy, they will only play what the teacher "makes" them play, or what the teacher tells them they can play, without thought to the idea of figuring out that through experimentation and analysis, they can figure out themselves what other songs might be within their range of ability.

Kirby studies karate at a dojo where he's gone for seven years. He's part of a longterm group, there are many adults there who have watched his progress all those years, and once a week he teaches a class of younger children. So although there is a prescribed course, there are several different aspects and there is flexibility to the learning and activities he's involved in there.

Had I just taught my kids to read and THEN unschooled, they would not be the calmly confident people they are today. They might be saying "Okay, mom, time to teach me division" or "Mom, you didn't teach me to spell yet." Instead of that, I help them learn whatever is in front of them.

Sandra Dodd
April 2003


Somebody asked Rosie, yesterday, who taught her to read. I was there, listening. She hemmed and hawed a little - then said, brightly, "My own BRAIN taught me to read." As if that answered it. The other kid (one of her girl scout friends) was questioning her about homeschooling, not looking for THAT kind of answer at all...but Rosie couldn't figure out any other way to answer the question. I helped out by stepping in and saying, "She means she taught herself."

Pam Sorooshian
September 2003

Update on the Experiment

If any of my plethora (yeah, right) of readers saw my earlier post regarding my Pay-Autumn-To-Read experiment, I have an update.

We settled on an amount per book.  The books are phonics readers that progress in difficulty as one moves through them, so she is gently exposed to knew concepts as she moves forward.  At the same time that we are doing this, I am actually reading, Punished By Rewards by Alfie Kohn.  I gotta say, I agree with alot of what he says.  And, I do think to myself,  what am I teaching Autumn about reading by making it a job.  You see, I am not rewarding her in the sense that I tell her that I will give her money if she reads.  The deal was centered around the fact that she wants to make money.  My husband and I don't give allowances.  We have tried, but we would always forget.  Neither one of us grew up with them.  The other thing is that dh and I don't think people, kids or adults, should be paid for helping around the house.  I don't get paid to homeschool, or do laundry, or make dinner etc...so we are not paying them to empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, or pick up their dirty clothes.   All that is part and parcel of being a family.

So, I told Autumn that I would really love for her to practice her reading, and I knew she wanted money, so I told her I would pay her so much per book.  The only 'catch' is she has to read them to me (this way I get some Mommy/Autumn time).  She can decide to read 10, 3, or none on a given day.  Also, we have asked her to save 10% of whatever she currently has in her little Trader Joe's coffee can, before she spends it.  We are trying to teach her about always saving a little first.  Unlike some parents, I am not 'making' her tithe it to church.  Right now, she just has to save it.  She can buy whatever she can afford.  Sometimes it's a new Webkinz and yesterday it was an ebay auctioned (which was a cool conversation about auctions) PC game called CATZ 2.

She has really enjoyed this experiment.  Maybe, because it isn't technically a reward.  It is just a payment.  While she is reading I hold back on the praise and just say things like "You did it!"  "You ARE reading!" more statements of the obvious so that she can be proud of herself.  She told me yesterday after reading like 6 books in a row, that she is a good reader.  I said, "I know, I told you that before, but I guess you had to see it for yourself!"  

I really love Alfie Kohn's idea that we need to find what 'intrinsically movtivates" people, not just extrinsically motivate them with rewards or punishments, because according to Kohn theories and research, punishments and rewards don't work long term. I have no doubt that Autumn's reading for cash scheme may come back to bite me in the ass. I mean, what happens when she's read all the phonics readers in the house?  I guess, at least, she will be a more confident reader.  But, what if she decides that she'll never read unless I pay her.  That would be bad...and unrealistic.  I can just see her in college, "But Professor, I am not going to read Chaucer unless you pay me!  Doesn't everyone get paid to read?"  Yeah, that's gonna go over well.  At least, she's got a way to make some money.  I do not try to incentivize her either, by telling her I will pay her a bonus if she reads just a few more books.  She's got her base price per book and the rest is up to her. 

This is definitely unconventional, but hey, a mom's gotta go what a mom's gotta do.  Sitting down and asking Autumn to let me read to her or ask her to read a bit to me just was NOT working.  Admittedly, it is easier to get her to listen to me read.  However, as much as she used to love it, she's not been into much lately...which is why I kind of relish her hunting me down to read (because she wants to make some $$$).  At the very worst, I guess one could accuse me of being no better than a teacher giving out A's or gold stars.  But really, can an A or gold star get you anything?  No.  At least cash can get you something fun.  So, instead of being able to brag about all your stars, you can say, "I don't have any stars, but look at this cool Webkinz collection!" 

Interestingly, a few very cool things have happened since the experiment started.  1) Autumn has taken a real interest in understanding money, counting it, what taxes mean , why save etc... 2) When she is 'flush' with cash she becomes really generous, and has even given Ben some money, and bought things for him (and a friend).

That is worth the whole darn thing to me, her being giving and not greedy.  3) It has made her understand that there is value to things and she is learning about how to get a deal...thus the ebay transaction.

So, maybe it is not a bad thing after all.  All I want is for Autumn to experience more personal success with reading, and quite possibly, when she is confident, she will look for another way to make money instead of reading.  

~Peace

Keeping House

So, I think I am going to have to turn on the stereo and pull up iTunes on Tivo and blast the heck out of some music and get my butt in gear. There is a HUGE pile of laundry at my door. Autumn kicked it down the stairs for me (which also clears the stairs of cat fur). Now it is lying there at the bottom of the stairs. What is funny is that my front door is 2 doors with clear windows. So, there is no hiding the work before me. You know, I can wash and dry clothes all day...I just hate the folding and putting away. So, a homeschooling friend suggested having baskets with ribbons on them. So, I have to go to Target later to return something and I think I will buy some extra laundry baskets. Then each kid will get 2. One for clean and one for dirty. I am no longer going to fold their clothes. I am going to sort them and throw them in their clean baskets. Then they can fold and put 'em away. I am only folding my and Robert's laundry. The kids throw their clothes around anyway, so why do I bother?

I also have toilets to clean...yee haw! (NOT)! But I figure if I just 'get r done' I will actually have the weekend to maybe...I don't know...READ. How awesome would that be? Oh yeah, I gotta roast some coffee.

Autumn's 1st Confession went really well. She loves the priests at our parish, so it was really who was she going to choose. Afterward, she skipped out and was so cute! She told me she wants to go every Saturday. Then a couple of days ago we had a rough morning with Ben and Robert really yelled at him. Immediately, Robert felt awful and said out loud he never wanted to be a parent who yells like that. Without skipping a beat, Autumn said, "Well, Daddy, I think you should tell that in Confession!" GOD LOVE HER!! A Protestant friend asked me what on earth a 7 year old had to confess. I told her there was not much...and that IS the point. Start now and keep God close to the vest in confession and hopefully she won't end up the sinners her mom and dad ended up to be. Hey...but we're workin' on it!.

As far as unschooling goes, we are really blowing where the wind takes us right now. I have been reading this really cute series to Autumn called Ivy & Bean about two mischievous seven year old friends. 

 I have been encouraging her to read.  She has a new Dr. Seuss book , Fox In Socks and it's a good one to help with phonetics and fluency.  Really, the main focus with Autumn is reading. It really is so important to everything we do.  The increasing technology and constant need to stay in touch with phones, texting, email, IMing, blogs etc.  She has friends she could email, but always needs me there to help her write.  I don't mind, but she does.  She wants to be able to do it.   She just really is not interested in the practice and work it takes to become fluent in reading.  This is one of those times I gently push.  I tell her when she gets frustrated that practice makes perfect, just like when she learned to ride her bike, in-line skate and her continuing of ballet.  There is so much practice that went into those skills and still does. I keep telling her that she doesn't have to read all day....just a little bit each day...and soon it will be like breathing.  It is hard for me to see her (and Ben still) struggle over this vital skill, especially since it comes so easily for me. 

So, that is where we are now.  Okay, I am done with my procrastinating...time for laundry and toilets.  Ugh!

~Peace

A little happiness

Oh, I forgot, through all my cyberwhining, one thing that is bringing me such happiness. It is Harry Potter. Some may think, quite mistakenly, that it's a book series just for kids...but, oh no, it is not. As Harry gets older and matures so do the themes in the books. I am rereading #4 right now and having a great time. I love the way I get taken away to a completely different world , it is such perfect escapism. Sure, there are more adult books out there, but ya know, except for fun stuff like ChickLit, I don't need to be dragged into someone else's dysfunctional life. I already have one of my own...thanks! So, HP really fits the bill . And to think the Order of the Phoenix film will be out soon, and the final book too. July should prove to be a fun month.

R