It's been so long.

Okay, so I have no idea what to say, except that facebook is so damn fun that I forgot about my blog. I started writing this as a way for my kids to see what a wacky mom they have. Then it kind of became a journal. I got alot out that first year and it was good for me.

This year so far has been pretty fun. In January, we found out that friends we had met on facebook were going to be in our area. It turns out Bill Mueller had a training thing for his job and it was right here in Roswell. He came first and then his wife, Terry, came a couple days later. We had a blast. I was really sorry to see them go at the end of the week. We introduced them to Doctor Who and they introduced us to Coupling. I took Terry all over Roswell, TiVo fell in love with Bill, and then, on Friday, Bill and Terry took us out to a fab dinner at Relish, along with 2 more facebook friends who live here in town, Loren and Tracy Peters (I went to high school with Loren). We had a really good time for 4 people who had never previously met in person. Oh, and we all survived (several friends of mine thought we were insane to invite facebook friends over...I mean what if they killed us). And here is proof that it all went well (Oh, and I now I have to figure out how I am going to get my ass to Illinois where they live.)


I met MUSE, my favorite band in the world and they were such nice guys. It is so awesome to meet people you admire so much and they turn out to be great. They could have been jerks...but they were not. Matt Bellamy, the lead singer, couldn't believe that Andrew was my kid. As if I didn't love Matt enough, I got a compliment. What a cool guy. Thanks to my Hunny and his friend Mike Greene, I got to see the most amazing concert of my life AND got to meet the band too. We chatted with them back stage for about 15 minutes. It was just the 4 of us, Robert, me, Andrew and his longtime pal, Claire. The latter two were virtually hyperventilating at meeting those Rock GODs...and it was adorable to see.
Robert finally got out of for-profit corporate life. A huge prayer was answered and he is now the managing director for internet & new media for the American Cancer Society. It's more a prestige position than a monied position...as most non-profits are. But, we can still stay in our house (we had it for sale for a 4 months) and he is doing something that matters. And that is what we have prayed for for so long. Robert is an amazing husband and stand up guy. He wants to take care of this family as sole provider, so I can be the hand that rocks the cradle at home, but he always wanted to get paid to do something that made a huge positive impact on those around him. So, here's a shout out to the big man upstairs...Thank you, GOD, for making this all happen!!!

Now, I am thinking of adding a new puppy to the mix. Before that happens I have to re-home our 3 cats. It's not something I want to do, but no one pays any attention to them, or takes care of them anymore and it sucks. I change their litter and feed them, but I am the primary carer of the dog, so I am in and out of the cats business pretty quickly. I love Toonces the most, will miss him desperately, but the cats were for the kids. They are growing up and don't care. Everyone loves TiVo and it's not hard to understand why. He is awesome, and loving and interacts with everyone. The cats interact on their terms...whenever that is. And those 3 fluffy idiots could have become friends with TiVo, but they would have nothing to do with him and now that he is big they are afraid of him. I'm kind of sick of living in the Gaza strip of my own home. There are zones for the cats and the dog and it's gotten really old. Before anyone gives me any crap, understand, I wouldn't give away a kid. These are animals. If they are not happy, I believe I should help them to be so. I love all animals....I really do. But when it comes down to brass tax I am a dog girl. I love walking TiVo, I love taking him to the dog park. I love all the social interaction he brings to me. I am an extrovert...and I believe cats are for introverts. NO judgement, just a statement. I drive around with TiVo all day. He comes with me everywhere. I can't take my cats anywhere. Anyway, that's what going on there.
On the spirituality front, the last year has been weird. Right now I am in a good place and am praying it sticks. I have gone through a lot of so called 'atheist phases' and I don't like them. They are very dark and dry and lonely...a great breeding ground for anger and selfishness. Sometimes life does seem pointless. I told Robert recently that it (life) seems like a giant hamster wheel we get on and have to keep running on and we only get to get off when we die. Translate that into me feeling exhausted...and bored. I need new things to shake me up.

Lately, I have re-committed myself to caring for myself and losing the few pounds I put on, over the last few months, this after having lost over 30 pounds. How easy it is to slip off the saddle. Luckily, it was less than 10lbs, 5 of which are gone...so I am on track. I am feeling so much better. It's not fun getting out of control and feeling that you can't seem to help yourself. I am happy to be back in the saddle and taking it day by day to stay there.

The kids are all doing really well. Autumn has been in a really cool homeschool co-op this year and the time off (for me) and added social interaction for her has been fabulous. Next month she has a jazz recital...they are dancing to All That Jazz from Chicago and should be adorable. Here is Autumn with the girl half of the her co op, there are 3 boys in it too.

Ben is almost done with his 7th grade year at the Cottage School and boy howdy do I love that place and everything it's done for our boy. Ben is really doing so much better this year, on all fronts, than he has in the past. I have high hopes that things are going to continue to change for the better, for 'the Bendamin'. Oh, and Ben's braces finally came off...look how handsome.

Andrew, my handsome vulcan son, is still working at Trader Joe's...almost 2 years. I am so pround of him. He has just a couple weeks left and will be done with his sophmore year at Georgia State. He is still living at home (which I love) and still plugging away at his post-rock band, Absence of Ocean. He has taught himself how to play guitar and writes alot of songs. All in all, he's pretty damn cool. I love him to bits...just wish he were a little more chatty....how is he my kid??? I mean, he looks just like me so I know he is mine....but talk about opposite. One great thing is that Andrew will be 21 in 6 months and then I can send him on booze runs for me and Robert....woo hoo!! LOL Below is Andrew's shocked, "I just met Muse" face.
I think I am gonna go bake something yummy now. I am off wheat again, due to allergies. I am thinking this time I should stay off of it for good, but we'll see. Wheat definitely bothers me most in Spring and Summer as it causes my eczema to flare. I have been off of it over a week now and my hand eczema is almost healed. You know what else is weird...I swear I am addicted to wheat. When I am not eating it, I don't have the insane food cravings I normally do...the very same cravings that got me into trouble gaining almost 10 pounds back of the 30 I lost. I wonder if there is something too that? All I know is that in 2 or 3 days time my hands will look and feel normal again and that is worth everything. Besides, I made a KILLER gluten free version of my favorite cake 'Tres Leches' and it soooooo frickin good, I dare anyone to guess it's not made with wheat flour.

Oh yeah, how could I forget a really cool thing...we now have a Keurig One Cup coffee making system and it is the coolest thing in the universe...and yes, I have even seen and played with the iPad. But really great coffee (which I don't need to roast, or grind or measure or brew) in a minute is freaking awesome when you are as addicted to the substance as I am!! My birthday is coming up this Thursday, the 29th. I love K-Cups...send me some!! ;-)


Later,
Rach

School is ruining my life

I hate school and I hate schooling. I am speaking here of school from prek-12th grade. So much of it is complete bullshit. Let me repeat that...BULLSHIT...big stinky hot piles of bull poo poo! (College is not compulsory. You either choose it or you don't. Andrew is loving college.)  You know when people say to homeschoolers (which one rarely hears anymore), "What about your child's socialization?" Well, to be honest, THAT is about the only value I see to schools. I spoke with Andrew recently about high school and asked him for an honest assessment since he's graduated. He told me the only stuff he really got out of high school are 1) friends and the bands he formed 2) the video-broadcasting dept 3) Fencing.  Two out of the 3 things were mostly social. The video stuff was what he always wanted to do. He said he would have been happy to go and learn about the video stuff, play drums and guitar all day, and occasionally Fence... if he had the choice. I asked him if he missed it at all. He said, "No."

I think it would be super cool if there were a place for homeschooled kids to hang out with a variety of friends of different ages, everyday, for a few hours. But not the way school does it, nor even the way many homeschoolers do it. I mean totally unstructured getting together just to hang kinda time. Even homeschoolers often only get together under the auspices of 'doing something schooly' UGH!!! JUST STOP IT ALREADY!!! Why do homeschoolers copy schoolers AT ALL!?! See that is where school has it all wrong. The socialization in schools, for the most part, is artificial. It takes place under the watchful eyes of 'authorities' and kids can't do what they are interested in. I would love to see a cool place with a big video game room with a bunch of geeky kids playing Halo 3 or Gears of War. Then there could be another room where kids were watching movies, one for art, one for reading, one for chatting and board games, a lab for experiments and on and on. Outside there were would be kids exploring the woods and some playing athletic games. A place like this could be staffed by the parents, each lending his or her special talents to helping kids learn and do whatever it is they are interested in doing whether that is accounting skills, knitting a sweater, designing a computer game, building a website, or baking a cake. How cool would that be?  I know it's been done. Summerhill is a good example. So are Sudbury Valley Schools. They are Unschooling schools, but I am thinking more of a learning enrichment center. 

So, Ben is going to his school just when the 'fun stuff' happens. He is attending the latter half of the day for a social skills class, lunch, and a fun elective (alternates between science experiments and indoor/outdoor athletics).  This is a private school that caters to special kids. But they are still freaked out that Ben isn't being 'educated'.  I think he's getting plenty of an education just hanging with these kids and developing friendships while realizing he can be away from the family (esp. ME) and not DIE.  But all the hoops I have to jump through are just making me loathe any school: public or private they are all a pain in my ass!  I thought, mistakenly, that when I started paying for a school that they would be more willing to work with me in the best interests of Ben. Okay, the private school is much better than the public school he went to (and I am NOT blaming teachers, I am BLAMING the administrators and the state/federal gov't for the public school's inflexibility) but the private school still has an agenda and we had to twist some arms to get what we have now.  Let me be clear in saying that the private school administrators have been fabulously accommodating, but they still want it to go 'their way' when all is said and done.

Anyway, school has been ruining my life for years now. I haven't needed school for Ben.  I have needed what I proposed above for Ben.  If I had the money I would open such a 'place' myself. I think a relative would have to die and leave me money first, so I am not counting on opening any such 'place' anytime soon.  

Leonie just sent me a copy of a book that only confirms all of the feelings I have had about schooling, and unschooling, and has me pining for a simpler life. Especially because of all the shit we have had to wade through these last years regarding Ben and school. I am just so tired of it all.  At first things look like they will work, people make promises they can't keep, Ben falls apart and our family life explodes. I hate it and I just want it to stop!!! Yes, Ben can drive me absolutely out of my skull. However, school is driving him nuts so I am even more crazy. The stress is just insane. I am sick to death of all the frickin outside interference into our lives. I bet I could have gotten a homeschooled teenager to come and play video games with Ben a couple times a week for alot cheaper than his darn school costs. (Yes, I am getting about 2/3rd the tuition back in State vouchers, but not until the end of the school year will I recoup it all. So, we had to pay the whole 18K out of pocket up front.) I know I could have paid a teenager less and there would be far more peace in our home. 

Man, I am an idiot. Will I ever learn what God has been trying to teach me for so long....to let Go and Trust. And to think I have the AUDACITY to get pissed at my kids for not "listening to me" when I tell them to do something a hundred times. How flipping long has God been telling me to stop trusting 'so called experts with my kids and start trusting my kids and myself. I am the best expert on my kids.  I think God's been at this with me for 19 years. How wonderfully patient he is with me and how horribly impatient I am with my kids. Jeez, I really suck.

 UGH!!!!

Happy Birthday Andrew!

I can't believe you are 19 YEARS old. It's seems like moments ago you were just 19 months old. . Each day you become an even more amazing human being. I am so honored and proud that God picked me to be your mom. I will love you forever and always, my sweet boy.

Mom

Thank you, God, for giving me such a wonderful child. He is a continued gift and I am so grateful he's mine.

Rachel

Blast to the past

So Andrew just came home. It is 11:30 Saturday night. He has been gone since noon. His band, Iconoclast, has been recording, mixing and mastering a CD of their 4 best songs. I am listening to it as I sit here and Andy's voice is a mix between Ian Curtis of Joy Division and Andrew Eldritch of Sisters of Mercy, of course I would be remiss if I didn't mention that, of course, I can absolutely hear Paul Banks' (from Interpol) all over his voice and Andy's lyrical style. If I can get his songs on this blog I am gonna do it. Can I just say how happy I am that at least one of my kids has been VERY influenced by my taste in music. :-) (Because, of course, it is always *about* me!)

How cute is he?

Here he is...my Andrew. He is wearing his Trader Joe's shirt and showing his glow-green colored box cutter. He has already completed 2 days at work and he is really liking it. I am so happy he got the job at the place that was his first pick. The company is awesome. Robert and I have been reading more about it in Andrew's Part-Time Crewmember materials. Andrew will be working mostly at night. TJ's hours are 9-9, 7 Days a week. He will be working mostly 4pm-11pm. So, he will get to have fun running around, when the store is closed, joking with work mates as he restocks etc... He says that so far the people have been alot of fun. His boss told the new hires yesterday (there are 3) that they will never starve at Trader Joe's. They like the employees to have tried most everything. Andrew told me he is going to be quite the Foodie soon. I told him he is going to be popular in college. He's cute, funny, knows how to cook, has a cool job at a coolest foodie market around, and is a musician. He managed 1 date in high school, but I imagine college will be different.

Woo Hoo! Andrew got a job at TRADER JOE'S

It took over a month and alot of persistence, but he finally did it. I tell you getting a job at Trader Joe's  is harder than Hilary realizing her campaign was over. Finally, the boy will start making his own money and forging his way in the world. Next comes registering for college. Oh my! 

There are only five Trader Joe's in Metro Atlanta and he will be working at the one a mile from the house. Yipee!

And to all my 'peeps' out there who have been praying for Andrew re: the Trader Joe's job, I just want to say a heartfelt thank you.

(Oh, did I say that he gets a 10% discount?  That means, while he still lives here, a 10% discount on groceries! SCORE!)

Peace~

Andrew & Canada on Bear Fighting

I am aware that Andrew and his friends are complete idiots. He and Canada decided to film themselves in the style of Andy Samberg's SNL Digital Shorts. They just started talking and filming with no idea where this was going. Also, just FYI, Andrew doesn't do drugs, but loves to make fun of those who do. My favorite line is when Andrew says, "It impresses the ladies". (Andy is the one not wearing a hat)

Andy and Canada (whose real name is Kyle) being the goofballs they are.

Andy's got a brand new (used) car!!

Since Andrew has the Hope Scholarship which will pay his full tuition to Georgia State University, where he will be going in the Fall, Robert and I decided we would surprise Andrew with a car. He will be living at home, at least for his first semester, and he's going to need a car. So, we looked and looked for months to find the right car, which we decided would be a Volvo V70 year 2000/2001, at the right price (under 7K)...and we found it...today! It's a great car for safety, it's not meant to be super fast (so hitting the gas doesn't make it speed away), and it can fit his drumkit in it. Plus, if the kid is ever homeless (God forbid!) he can sleep in it! LOL

The guy from the dealership brought the car out to our house and it exceeded expectations. It had one owner who took spectacular care of it. It drives like a dream. I paid for it and parked it in my neighbors house. Then I went to get Andrew at school, as he was finishing editing some footage for his High School video yearbook. I kept him out doing errands while Robert got home. Then Andy and I came home, and while he put the groceries away with me, Robert pulled the car into the driveway. Then I Robert came in and was talking about how it's a good thing Andrew will be getting the Hope Scholarship because it's worth more than a car. I said I had to run outside for something I left in the car and took the camera with me.

In a few minutes out came Andrew an upon his face grew the biggest smile. You see, he had NO IDEA!! It's great to surprise Andrew because the kid rarely expects things. He is a really grateful person who is really happy with what he has. He was feeling very loved...and we were really happy for him. He is a fantastic kid, not because of grades or accomplishments, but because he is a really good hearted, generous, grateful, caring, loving person. We are blessed to be in a position to be able to do this for him and so happy that we could do it.

School is out in 3 weeks so Andrew really needs to have a job by then.  We may have bought it as a Graduation gift but he's gotta pay for the insurance, gas etc.  Still, he is completely thrilled. All in all, another very cool day!

Peace,

Look who is going to RADIOHEAD...

ANDREW! My brother, Jon, has had tickets since they went on sale. He's been hedging about who was going to go with him. The concert is only a month away. So, Jon, announced this morning that he was taking Andrew as an early graduation present. As you can see, Andrew's FACE went crazy with joy!

Fencing clips of Andrew

Andrew is working on putting together a larger video of the Fencing Championships that took place at the end of March. He put these clips together with the song Microcuts by Muse. Kind of a fitting song title for a Fencing tournament, don't you think. Just so you know, Andrew, in these clips, is always the fencer to your left.

College here he comes!

Andrew got his acceptance letter to Georgia State University.  He will be majoring in Film and is very excited. He's been up to a lot lately.  Last weekend, at the Fencing tournament, he won all his 'pools' and then Medaled in 6th place over all (1-8 are given medals).  Tonite,  3/1,  he has his first gig with his new band,  Iconoclasts.  They are very excited.  They are doing a couple of original songs and one cover, Blur's Song 2.  Andrew is lead singer...shock of all shocks!  Drumming and singing...I 've gotta hand it to him for coordination.

Now all he has to do is maintain his B in Math and he is set for the Hope Scholarship (which pays state college tuition).  He has a 3.8 GPA,  (this from a child who was unschooled through 8th grade, barely formally taught, very much self directed, so I'm sticking my tongue out at all you naysayers of unschooling!!)  but the stupid Hope Scholarship people just made it more difficult for students, so only what they deem as 'Core' courses apply for Hope.  One needs a B average in all core courses.  Andrew is okay in Math, but he's been in Film/Video for 4 years and consistently makes A's, as well as in subjects like Lit, Econ, History.  And even though Film is his declared Major all the fabulous work he has done in school regarding that field of study doesn't apply.  What crap!  I am sure he will do fine in Math and everything will be okay. Schools, UGH, they really make me want to scream!

Synthetic Animation....on pause

This is Andrew's band, Synthetic Animation. They are alternative rock. You can find them on their my space page listed below.

From L-R is Eric on guitar, (with Superman laser eyes) Andrew in back on drums, in the front middle is Will (vocals, keyboards), Steven on bass guitar; who was later replaced by Jake (not pictured). Will was in a car accident the first weekend in October. For several weeks no one was sure Will would make it. Will is doing remarkably well now. Andrew finally got to visit him Monday. He's talking, laughing, and reading. He is going to have to relearn how to walk, and his short term memory needs help. I think, though, he will recover. So, things are on hold for the band...and it's very quiet in the basement where they practice. Please continue to pray for Will and all the boys in the band. Oh..and thank you God for keeping Will here with us. For updates see www.caringbridge.org/visit/willcarter

Below is a picture of Andrew and Will being the goofballs they are (during lunch at school) just a couple of weeks before the accident. Oh, and here's their band's website
www.myspace.com/syntheticanimation

My Baby is EIGHTEEN!

Okay, today is my first baby's birthday. My Andrew is 18 years old! What the heck happened? Where *did* the time go? It really seems like it's was just little while ago and he was in my arms, nursing sleepily while I rocked him. I would kiss his little head over and over wondering what he might be like when he was 4 or 11 or 16. Now, according to the powers that be, Andrew is an adult man.

He came into my life in a way that most would not prefer. I was single...a young woman, not even really involved with the young man who helped to co-create Andrew. Anyway, there I was...22...a Christian (ha! right!)....and pregnant. Well, at the very least (and, to me now, the most important aspect) in my walk with Christ, I knew that the baby I was carrying was a gift to this world, a precious individual who had every right to life, as we all do. So, I went and told my parents and my younger brother (as I still lived at home...thank you, GOD!) about the newest addition that would be joining our family. They all took it really well. Providentially, I had a loving non-judgemental mother and have a loving, albeit nutty, non-judgemental father and brother.

So the months passed, the male half of Andrew's DNA along with his mom, offered to pay me to "get rid of it". My family up north tried, in there intellectual way, to persuade me not to go through with "this" as I was young and had my whole life ahead of me. Praise be the Lord Jesus Christ that I didn't listen or entertain their ideas for MY baby. Then there were some close to me, not my parents or brother, that suggested adoption. Nice idea. One that is amazingly selfless, but I was too selfish...and I am thankful that I was so selfish in this instance. No, this baby was my gift. I had screwed up. Thrown my sexuality around in a way that is not of God, but God says He works all things for good to those that love Him. So, I trusted in His promise that this would be good.

So, on to his birth. It wasn't what I hoped for or wanted. I wanted natural. I got an emergency C-section (the kind they knock you out for). I didn't see my sweet boy until the day after he was born. I had no name. I wanted to see my child first. I didn't know if he was a boy or a girl before he was born. I remember coming to and hearing my mom say, "Rachie, you have a little boy." and then I went back to sleep. When I really got to see him and meet him, I fell in love in a way that is utterly unspeakable. There are no words. However, it did hit me like a ton of bricks....that there were others in my same situation that did not give their babies a chance to live. I cried so hard as I hugged him close. I cried for all the babies that never got a chance to be born, I cried for all the mothers who, for whatever reason, erased their own preborn children. I cried, most of all, in sincere thankfulness and gratitude that God's perfect love for me, and my imperfect love for Him, had prevented me from assigning my sweet, sweet son to a horrible fate. I cried because I was so loved by God to have received such a priceless gift...this boy. Mom and I kept calling out names to each other and all of a sudden, I looked at my angelic boy and said, "Andrew, he is defintely my Andrew." The years went on and Andy grew. His Grandparents adored him, my brother adored him. I adored him. He was nursed and attachment parented and unschooled. God found him a Daddy and me a husband. By the age of 6 Andrew had a family and a little brother on the way.

Andrew has been through so much. We moved from West Palm Beach to Atlanta when he was 5. It was the first time he was away from my parents, who we had lived with (I was a single-stay at home mom) and it was so hard. But we were embarking on a mission from God...that of a family. Robert asked me to marry him and asked Andrew to be his son and if he (Robert) could be his (Andy's ) dad...we all said yes. Andrew was our ringbearer. He looked so handsome in his tux.

Then next big event was a baby brother,Ben, and then legally becoming Robert's first son. Andy's brother, Ben, would grow up to have many issues to be sorted out. Andrew was a fabulous big brother through it all...and still is. Then, Andy would get a baby sister, Autumn. He loved both of them as babies and toddlers (now, it might be a different story. LOL). Finally, my parents were moving here to be near their babies (not my brother or me!)but my kids!! Shortly after Mother's Day 2000 we got the horrible news that Mima (what the kids called my mom) had Colon cancer. Just a month later I would be in a horrible car accident with Autumn (she would be okay, but I would end up in life long pain) on the way to the hospital for my mom's first surgery. Afterward, we would find out that the cancer had metasticized and Mima wouldn't have long. Andrew ADORED my mother. When I had to tell him that Mima was dying I don't know if my heart broke more over the fact that my precious mom was dying or that my sweet 10 year old boy was utterly devastated. Only five months later I would come home, late at night, to tell my sweet boy that his beloved Mima was gone to God and we would hold each other and cry a long time. At her burial, Andrew would not leave until the very last grain of dirt was spread over her grave.

Huge changes were now on the horizon, around the time Andrew was 13 I would feel called to become Catholic (and that is a whole 'nother story!). Andrew was already a professed Christian, and had been baptised at 2 months old, but I wanted him to make the choice for Catholicism, not me, especially since he was old enough to do so. I took him to Mass, he saw Christ on the Crucifix, he touched the Holy Water, found out that Jesus was really present in the Eucharist and decided that he wanted to be Catholic. So, a few months after I was received into the Church, Andrew came in, through RCIC on April 10th 2004. Praise God, again!

After being homeschooled, and mostly unschooled at that, Andy decided to try public highschool. Well, he ended up really liking it and has done particulary well in his favorite field, film/video making. He made friends, became a drummer, and formed a band. The lead singer of which is presently lying in an ICU unit after a terrible car accident. Andrew, ever the wonderful person he is, continues to visit the hospital to let Will's family know that he is there. Andrew is still best friends with his oldest homeschooling friend from Florida, Trevor (they met when they were 3 and 4 respectively).

Then there is Claire, whom he met when he was 5 and she was 4.

They are still as close as ever. Claire was Andrew's first friend in Atlanta. They met when we were moving into our first house.(Actually, both families are very close and we even go to the same parish.) The bottom line is that Andrew is a great friend. I am so proud of him for that. I guess if there is something good Andrew has learned from me is the importance of family and friend relationsips. Andrew knows and lives out his belief in God, and friends are complete gifts from God, and Andrew treasures his friends.

So here I find myself, the mother of a highschool senior, an 18 year old man. He could get married, fight for our country, vote, buy a home, get a credit card so much stuff. Where did my little Cheetah boy go. He is so funny, smart, handsome, faithful, loyal, honest, caring, understanding, respectful. I have no doubt he will be a wonderful father, loving husband. The kind of guy you can count on to do the right thing. A man who will always have your back...and be there when you need him. He is a complete gift to me, his dad, his siblings, his friends, this world. I am so glad he is here. I am so happy he is mine. I am so proud of the man he is becoming. Thank you, God, for my Andrew. I love him so much!!!

Lord,
Bless Andrew all the days of his life, keep him faithful to you and keep him safe. Amen.

What am I doing up?

Okay, so it's 2:30am EST and I have to be up by 7:15am. Andy has a Fencing tournament tomorrow. Now that he is CAPTAIN (feel the maternal pride swelling?) I gotta make sure I get him there on time.

BTW, my little Andy will be toast in the morning. He just has the peak experience of his 17 years, on this planet, and it was seeing in concert, and then MEETING, his favorite band: Interpol.

I was so excited for him when he got home and showed me the CD with all their signatures. He talked to Sam Fogarino a bit, their drummer, and got a pic with him. Now all I have to do is get him to meet Stewart Copeland and his drummer mentor list would be complete.

When I got home tonite from all my chauffeuring kids and participating in said kids' activities, I read a little Spiderwyck to Autumn and zonked out. Then, about 2 hours later (11:30pm ish) I woke up....as if from a nap. Now I am WIDE AWAKE!! I gotta get up in 4.5 hours. I am so glad it is a Saturday coz I will be taking a nap at somepoint.

Since I was awake I finished Homeschooling With Gentleness; A Catholic Discovers Unschooling by Suzie Andres. WOW!!!! I LOVED IT!!! I am a John Holt fan from way back, and nothing she said about "unschooling" was new to me, but to put it in a Catholic context was simply wonderful. I have to thank my friend, Sara, for suggesting to me that I reread it (as she recently did) so that she could talk about it with someone. Of course, Sara, was just doing God's will, unbeknownst to her very sweet self. Because I had gotten myself into, YET AGAIN, a situation that was destined to blow up in my face ...it was only a matter of when. I had signed Autumn up to try a virtual academy that uses K12. OY VAY! It was really cool, but oh so structured and oh so not what Autumn is into. God needed to remind me that I need to trust my children to learn because that is the way He created human beings to be....and by not trusting them, I am not trusting God. Again me and my lack of trust.

Not to lay this at my Sweetheart's feet, but there are so many times I think that I would have been happily unschooling all along, this whole time, had he just trusted the process too...had he just backed me up and supported me, instead of second guessing me so often. Admittedly, the biggest reason I have for jumping on the curriculum train is that he wants to see results. (Thanks Marine Corp Dad-in-Law!!!). Anyway, EVERY SINGLE TIME I spend dedicated time in prayer (alone and before the Blessed Sacrament) God calls me back to unschooling-Catholic-style. What I find hysterically ironic is that here I am wondering why it's taking my 2 youngest kids longer to read than their brother...or many other kids their age, when it has taken God over TEN YEARS to get it through my thick skull that he wants me to Trust Him that He created my children to learn....and they will do so when they are ready...not necessarily when I am ready. God has been waiting, quite lovingly and patiently, for me to learn this lesson. Why I am not giving my kids that same grace.

Dear God, Help me to trust in You. Help me to trust in the abilities that You have given my children. Remind me that what my children need to learn and know more than anything else in the world is that Jesus is the Truth, the Way, and the Life and that no one comes to You but by Him; and that there is nothing better than to love, and be loved by, You. In Jesus' name, Amen

Junior year is Hell for my Andrew.

Andrew, my amazingly wonderful teenage son (17 to be exact) , I am finding is a challenge to parent in almost the exact opposite way as his 10 year old brother, who is afflicted with Bipolar Disorder (he's a whole 'nother post, baby!).

So, I will try to go back to the beginning, the very beginning. I HATE the SAT test. What is funny is that I believe I did pretty well. I can't actually remember my score, but I was called into my Headmaster's office and congratulated on a near perfect Verbal score (like that was a surprise). However, my Math score sucked. However, my Verbal catapulted me where I needed to be for the colleges I was looking at, so I didn't care. I only took it that one time.
Then a few years later dropped out of college, so I guess, for me, it didn't matter much.

Now back to Andrew. He's got his SAT's coming up in March. We have bought him the SAT Online Prep course from the actual makers of the test, and he's figuring out how to work that into his already tight school schedule. But, Robert and I could tell that he was stressed. For the last few weeks he comes home from school around 4pm, grabs a snack, then grabs the snuggliest of our 3 cats, Toonces, heads up to his room and passes out into sleep for 4 or more hours. Then he wanders downstairs, eats something, chats with us a little, and goes back to his room to do homework, goes to sleep around 2am, just to wake at 7:45 and start this stupid process all over again.

Why do I say "stupid"? Well, it's not Andrew. I have real problems with modern American schooling. (Again, a whole 'nother post.) One would think there would be a little more cohesiveness to the system. The amount of homework is ridiculous , and this , after a very long day of having my son follow their directions and move when their bell tolls etc... Andrew was homeschooled thru 8th grade, and mostly Unschooled at that. However, HE chose highschool. And there has been ALOT of good that has come of it. But also so much complete and utter bullsh*t! Robert and I have really missed him these highschool years. School takes up his whole day and invades his homelife at night. Now this junior year has gotten my son on the verge of depression. Thank God he is a drummer. At least he has a great outlet for stress. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few teachers pictures he'd like to tape to his drumheads and pound the crap out of! :-)

So, we talked to Andy about it yesterday. He admitted he was really stressed out so Robert and I came up with things to help make things easier for Andrew to study (uninterrupted by the 2 evil minions). Robert was just amazing. He is a fabulous Father. He didn't grow up with a Dad like the one he has become. There is a reciprocity to his fathering Andrew, not so much laying down the law. I told Robert later, I wish my dad could of been like that (one more time, a whole
'nother post). Anyway, I HATE the SAT. I HATE when human beings are reduced to a score which has the power to make or break the beginnings of a young persons life. Having a child with many special needs , makes me see how people are so different with lots of really different and cool things to offer the world, and how many of them are not going to do well on the SAT, and how defeating that is to someone just starting out into adulthood.

Well, I DO have 2 other kids which need attending to (one schooled who is home sick, the other homeschooled), so I have to go. I just think the pressure on teens today is overwhelming. The competion is intense. What are we doing to these kids? Is it any wonder the drug use, sexual promiscuity, the rampant psychological problems of anxiety, attention-deficit, depression etc exists in these teenagers. No wonder so many are pissed off and act out. So, if you have them, talk to them, tell them how proud you are of them, and that you love them like mad, that you are here to help. Oh, and hug and kiss them too, or give 'em a back rub. They may act as if they don't want it or need it, but they do. If they didn't why would so many of them end up in the backseat of a car with someone they are using or being used by? Take them out and do stuff. I take Andrew to concerts and Robert will take him out test-driving BMWs. We both like taking him to his favorite Drum stores, and watching him drum on different kits. HE IS ADORABLE!! I love watching him drum. He is so happy, free, and lost in what he is doing. It's awesome to watch his love and passion for his drums.

I guess the bottom line is that when he was little and things were going wrong, I could actually fix them and make them right. He is now getting to the age where he has got to see that HE can start to fix things and make them right. It's like when he was little I stood in front of him to guard and protect. Now I stand beside him to encourage and guide. Someday I will stand behind him with admiration and support. But always, no matter where I stand, it is with a tremendous love for my wonderfully amazing son, Andrew.