Seven facts about me (aren't you sooo curious?)

I have been tagged by Wendy.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you. http://wendyfairfull.typepad.com/wmf/
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

Here are my 7 things.

1) My favorite weather in the world is a cold, snowy, overcast day. Snow is rare here in Atlanta. I love cold, wind, rain and generally any weather that would make you think you were on the moors, in England, with Jane Eyre (my favorite book). As I write this it is about 50F outside, foggy, raining and AWESOME!!!

2) I have met the B-52's, Echo & The Bunnymen, Flesh For Lulu, The Fixx , some members of the cast of Happy Days ,the comedian Carrot Top, and Don Johnson when I was an Extra in 2 episodes of Miami Vice.

3) I nursed all of my kids until they were 5 years old. ( I must have been pumping out heroin!)
And speaking of breastfeeding, I was a post-partum doula and WIC volunteer Breastfeeding Peer Counselor too. (Yeah, I'm a former La Leche Leaguer.)

4) I was a model (not a famous one, in the 80's) and on one of my shoots I worked with Michael Michelle (the beautiful bi-racial actress who was recently on the show House. She was the doctor who worked for the CIA) . We and 2 other models were in NYC being photographed by the photographer who shot the Cosmopolitan covers.

5) When I was in highschool and early college (which I dropped out of) , I was a New Wave queen. I had a purple chin length bob haircut. I wore black leather mini skirts, low-healed red leather pumps and usually some "new romantic aka Duran Duran style" shirt. My favorite groups at the time were The Police, Smiths, Cure, New Order, Duran Duran, U2. I spent all my free time going to New Wave dance clubs.

6) My mom's family (the Herricks) had their geneology done in the 1950's and I am descended from Robert de Pierrepont ( who fought alongside Willam Hastings in the Battle of Hastings of 1066), Sir Robert Herrick, Cavalier poet from the 1500's and the Rev. Jonathan Edwards (through his wife Sarah Pierpont), the great Fire and Brimstone preacher from the period known as the Great Awakening. In fact, my little brother's name is Jonathan Edwards Moore.

7) I am originally from Southampton, NY. The oldest English settlement in New York state. My mother's family, the Herricks, arrived there in 1653. I was baptised in the First Presbyterian Church of Southampton, NY which was the first Presbyterian church built in the United States. There are several streets in Southampton named after our family.

Now, who am I gonna tag.

First my Hunny at http://www.therosses.net/templar/
Then my friend Sara at http://thosethatwonder.blogspot.com/
Leonie at http://livingwithoutschool.blogspot.com/
Pisces Grrl at http://piscesgrrrl.blogspot.com/
Laurie at http://seaglasshearts.blogspot.com/
Marie at http://lift-up-your-hearts.blogspot.com/
and Madeline at http://barn-raising.blogspot.com/

Have fun...gotta run.

Last one, I promise...my mini obesession with BlogThings is over (for now).

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

This is pretty spot on

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Here's a look inside my brain

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Coming out of the (padded) closet

(View from my front door)

No, I am not gay. This is about me having Bipolar Disorder. And you know, I am not sure if Bipolar (as a title) helps, and I sure as heck know that Manic-Depression (as a title) doesn't help. But, I guess if one went running around saying "Hey, I have Mood Instability" they may not want to get to know you. So, how did I figure this out? I didn't. Ben's psychiatrist did. I should not say that Dr. C is 'just' Ben's doctor...because he really watches out for the whole family.

Ben was diagnosed, by me, as having Bipolar 4 years ago, when his current psychiatrist was telling me I was dealing with atypical Aspergers. I knew I wasn't and when Ben had his first "break" and started rapid cycling through the Summer of 2004, I was desperate for someone to help our boy before we might end up having to hospitalize him (which almost happened July 4th weekend 2004). Literally, by the providence of God, my husband's friend's husband (got that) worked in the same little cottage turned office as Dr. C. Dr. C wasn't taking any new patients, as he had a boatload to deal because his reputation as "the" doctor to see if you're suffering from a mood disorder was known around Atlanta. I knew about Dr. C from Georgia Bipolar Children yahoo list. There were a few who were fortunate to have him, and their testimonials as to his level of care were all glowingly positive.

So, you can imagine my surprise when Ellen (my husband's work colleague and wife of the other doctor who worked across from Dr.C) called and said her husband told Dr. C about Ben and asked if he would just call us. Ellen confirmed to us that we would be hearing from Dr. C really soon. You can imagine how stunned I was. I had no idea that Ellen's husband worked in the same office as the doctor I had been reading about for months. Also, little did we know, that Dr. C lives a mile and a half from our house!!! We were so grateful to God for this chance to save Ben. Because, by this point, he needed saving. We got the call and Dr. C talked with us by phone several times until he could work us in to see us. He never charged us during that time. He believed I was correct in what I thought about Ben and apologized on behalf of his fellow psychiatrists that we and Ben and been dragged through the ringer of misdiagnosis.

Dr. C absolutely saved Ben that Summer from being hospitalized. Ben was becoming a danger to himself and had it not been for God"s intervention via Ellen, her husband and Dr. C, there is a very strong possibility Ben would not have lived to see 8 years old. (It was THAT BAD).

So, fast forward to now. Dr. C spend a good 60-90 minutes with us, when we see him now, which is about 2 times a month. We are on a first name basis with him and he really loves our family. He loves how we parent our kids and that we ultimately want Ben homeschooled again. He fully supports homeschooling, but felt this year, because Ben was becoming extremely obsessive, that the special needs school he is in is helping shake him out of his obsessive thought pattern and helps him deal with the transitions of life. I fight against this, but after Thanksgiving, and seeing how Ben has a total inability to just chill and go with the flow, I see that this "school" situation is actually positive...for now. At least, in his IEP he doesn't have to be at school until 8:30am and he doesn't get homework. I also take him out of school in order to take part in fun homeschooling field trips that come up throughout the year, but I do have to make up "stories" so the school will excuse his absences. Hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do, right?

Okay, okay back to me. So, Dr. C has Robert alone during one appointment, as I couldn't make it that day. And Dr. C take the opportunity to suss Robert out as to things I had been going through (for the last several years , every Summer, I have a complete breakdown...I cry, yell, scream...get in the car and drive and sob and pray...and basically feel like I want to disappear).

Okay, so that is the thing that makes one say, "Hmmm, there could be something going on here." But when you add in how manic I get in the Fall and Winter...staying up late to alphabetize all my books, or clean out all the cabinets from 1 to 4 am, to complete research binges on whatever my interest is at the time with accompanied by erratic sleep patterns. And then there are the times when I want to sleep til noon and 3 hours later I am ready to sleep again. My energy level is completely unpredictable. All of this has been with me my whole life. I used to stare at the ceiling for hours as a kid because I wasn't tired. When I fell asleep you couldn't get me up. I still don't 'wake up' in my head until about 5 at night. This is why school completely exhausted me. I have suffered from crippling anxiety until , about a year after my mom's death, I consented to go on anti-depressants (they help alot with anxiety, but only slightly with my bouts of depression) and that is just what they are...bouts. I have always had cycles of depression, but they never lasted more that a few weeks so I thought it was nothing. After growing up with a mom who was depressed chronically, I thought nothing of my bouts with it.

My mom was classically clinically depressed most of her life. Alot of it had to do with a co-morbid eating disorder. But mom was never manic. She could be happy, but was almost always dealing with an internal level of sadness (breaks my heart to even write about it). My dad should be on the frickin poster for Bipolar disorder. Life with Dad was a total roller coaster...ohman...and the temper he had (it's getting better as he ages). Yikes! After Mom died Dad first became depressed and then manic and has been cycling severely between the two ever since . He was wildly angry at me, spent all mom's life insurance in a year, later married a wacky woman on the west coast, then a year later divorced her and during this time drove from the east coast of the US to the west coast of the US at least a dozen times over the course of 5 years (because he couldn't decide where he wanted to live), constantly threatened suicide, borrowed a credit card from me and put 8 grand on it in 2 months. There's Bipolar for ya!

So, I am thinking, I am NOT as nutty as my Dad and certainly not continuously depressed like my Mom was...but then I thought that I couldn't live with my parents and not get some of it. I do have my Dad's temper. I have since I was tiny. What is even weirder is that I have never been afraid of conflict. "Bring it on!" that is me. Then there was my Mom who was conflict intolerant...just like Robert and Andrew.

So, Dr. C and Robert are talking all this through and then they pitch it to me. At first I was like, "No Way". Then I started thinking about how I have felt on the inside. Outwardly, I am a total extrovert. People tell me I should be a public speaker. I am loud, funny, quick witted and friendly. But on the inside, I am extremely distractible, hot tempered, unfocused, late, forgetful, internally disorganized (my house is very neat and organized as it calms me to be in a clean house). When I say I live by the seat of my pants, that is no lie. If I could just sleep all day and stay awake all night I would have it made. I am not a day person.
Oh, and I know there are lots of wonderful things about me too. I am not my disorder.
I don't believe that crap. But, when I realized that my ups and downs had a real pattern to them, and were more extreme than a typical person, I had to take notice.

Am I rushing out to get on another medicine? No. I have been living this way for many a moon. And though I would not have a house this large as clean as it is without real, honest to goodness MANIC energy, as I age, the DEPRESSION cycles are scary and horrible. Being up is great...but being down is becoming harder to bounce back from. If I can keep track of triggers and have an idea when I am heading up and when I am crashing, I can maybe put in some support systems to get me through. My husband, of course, is amazing...but I want to be able to be there for him too. However, I am not against taking something more "stabilizing" if the depression hits me even harder next Summer. I really didn't think I was going to be able to climb out the one this last year. The end of January sucks too, but not because of the weather, I love the cold...maybe it's the cyclical thing and it's 6 months from July.

Well, that is about it. I don't know how many folks will actually read this. I think I just needed to write it...oh and of course I had to be writing at 2 in the morning!

Toonces the Driving Cat

This is Toonces. He is one of our 3 cats, and my personal favorite. He jumps from the second floor balcony onto the couch below...for fun. He opens doors (we have handle knobs). He is cuddly and purrific and just cat perfection. We named him Toonces after the famous SNL skits. Our Toonces is not driving yet, but I wouldn't put is past him. He does, however, love shoes. We call the above: Toonces on his shoonces.

Click on the title of this post and it should take you to a plethora of YouTube Toonces videos. The first one is my favorite: The Tooncinator!

Christmas Clean

Well, things are looking a right Christmasy around here. On Nov. 1st, my Mom's birthday, I start decorationg the house for Christmas. Then I started to feel pretty cruddy, so I stopped. Yesterday, my darling hubby, put up the 2 faux trees that we have upstairs. One in the hallway (it's a wide hallway and you see the tree the minute your halfway up the stairs). The other one is in our bedroom. We will get the real one for downstairs in December. Sooooooo, I really need to mop the floors...which means the doing the entire downstairs (wood) and upstairs hallway (wood)...darn it and the bathrooms...ugh! The fun thing is that I get to do it with a new present given to me this morning by my best buddy Kathleen (that is her up there to the left of me). I dropped off Ben and we had coffee and cinnamon scones (she made while I was there...yum!) and she got me this little 4 pack of Mrs. Meyers Clean Day stuff, which I love. It's Gingerbread scented. So, since Robert is off with Autumn to see Santa arrive at the Mall and Ben is at Kathleen's playing with her kids and Andrew is off in a Fencing tournament (Go Hornets!).....I am going to clean my Christmas house and make it smell like Gingerbread. I love cleaning when no one is around to bother me. It's very contemplative...even if I am listening to alternative rock turned up to ear-splitting levels. :-)

A dozen handsome men (Hey, a girl can look can't she?)

Autumn Rocks!

And I am actually not referring to my daughter, Autumn, who does , in fact, rock. I mean the season (which is the reason we named our daughter Autumn). Atlanta has just exploded in Autumnal colors these last few days. I had to go to the doc today because this icky cold actually turned into an ear infection. I am a grown up, I didn't think that could happen. Anyway, I took the scenic route (aka local roads) to the docs because it is just soooooo beautiful out. It is sunny and 50 degrees. I think the 50's are my favorite temperature. I love it cool. Actually, I really love it cold and snowing, but living in the southeast doesn't always give me that. I will have to start praying for snow while I am praying for rain. Hey, maybe that is how we will get over this drought...by having a blizzard. That would be awesome!

You see, I was born in Long Island, New York in a little (very happening) town called Southampton. My parents moved to Palm Beach county Florida when I was 8. Pretty much ruining my little life at the time. I loved my small town, and hated the big, perpetually hot city. I also desperately missed the 4 seasons. I lived for 20 years in south Florida until I was able to escape by getting married. To this day, sunny, hot weather with palm trees doesn't make me swoon. Though I do love the ocean, as Southampton is a beach town. My idea of a vacation is to go back to Southampton, or Alaska, Scotland, and maybe Iceland...in the Fall or Winter.

Well, it is time for me to hit the pharmacy and get my meds. I need to get better by Thanksgiving because we are always the host family.

Peace,

Rain, Rain come and stay

never, never go away.

It has been raining for the last 20 minutes. I am so happy. Georgia has been in a terrible drought and how we need this water. Apparently, for once, I, the news junkie, was not on top of the news and our Gov. Sonny Perdue amassed a group of people of the cloth and had a prayer meeting for rain. From what I heard alot of fun was made at the expense of us silly southerners praying for rain. I, btw, am a born-again Southerner. In otherwords...Yankee defector. So, I am all for us silly southerners praying for rain. I love the sound of the rain, I love the feel. Thank you, God, for sending us some water. Please send along some more.

An odd thing to complain about...

is that I don't have enough of these (above). I mean babies. That was Autumn at a few weeks old. The fact that I have only 3 kids depresses me because I want more! "Only THREE kids!", says the world. "Why that's plenty, probably one too many!", says the world. But not to me. And now I feel the sting of what those women who wait until now (I'm 41) to even have just ONE baby feel: the ticking clock. I have wanted another child (I'd take more than just one) for 5 years this Fall. I remember about 2 years after my Mom, Melissa, died, that I started feeling this nudge. Now, at the time my dh would have rather had his head repeatedly smashed into a cement wall than have another child. His real words, not mine. I figured baby #4 would be inevitably a lost cause.

Interestingly, I was not Catholic, but a practicing conservatve Presbyterican (PCA) when Autumn was born, in early 2000. I had planned on having my tubes tied after her birth. However, the OB assigned to the task said I should wait. (Let me tell you that God definitely intervened there!) Then, shortly after my Mom had died (when Autumn was 7 months old) I was scheduled to have my tubes tied. Again God intervened by way of my dh who, though supportive of the tubal, didn't want to risk something going wrong...seeing as we had just lost Mom.

So, we let things go, by which I mean I didn't get "fixed". Then when Autumn was around 2 years old, I not only felt called to Catholicism (and, trust me, it was a calling, because I was a very anti-Catholic Christian...You know, the kind trying to "Save" Catholics out of their Church) but I also felt strongly about having another child. It was also somewhere around this time dh decided that he would get evaluated for a sterlization. The doctor had to schedule dh out several weeks and God intervened a third time because dh decided he didn't want to do it...even though dh still didn't want more kids.

Fast forward a year and I am sitting in the RCIA room with Deacon Lloyd (father of 10) and he is taking my last 2 concerns about becoming Catholic. 1) Confession and 2)No "artificial" contraception. Now, I wasn't Catholic yet. I had never heard the term "Cafeteria Catholic", I assumed that all Catholics actually followed the Church's teaching. Afterall, when you come from outside of Catholicism, that is what you are asked to do in RCIA if you want to walk down that isle Easter Vigil (or whenever...as in my case it was 11/11/03). So, thanks to Deacon Lloyd's exceptional understanding of the Catholic faith, the Bible and Church history plus his personable style (okay AND some help from the writings of Scott Hahn) we tackled Confession pretty quickly and painlessly.

The birth control thing had me confounded. Personally, I loathe contraception. I didn't need the Church to tell me it was wrong. I mean, what is to separate me from any other woman my husband could be with? Why I on earth should I be protected from my fertility or his fertility? Is there something wrong with us? Contraception is so misogynistic at it's core. You take a perfectly normal, functioning woman and drown her with hormones or insert her with gadgets to prevent her body from doing what it is supposed to do...create life. So, women, being reduced to not even man-ness is what we get? For what, to be at the beck and call of men who are continually fertile. So, for their sexual appetites, we supress our own by medically inducing ourselves into eunuchs. And that is Feminism? Ha! Yeah right. No thanks.

Seeing that I had already loathed contraception because I have used (and hated) it ALL. Plus that it made me feel no different than any other woman. In that, with contraception you can be with whoever, so what makes being a wife so special if I still have to protect myself from my husband or my husband has to protect himself from me. I had resorted to NFP on my own. I used it get pregnant with Ben and Autumn. But now, coming into the Church I was told it would be my only conception preventing option and though I was well on my way to wanting another child (so I was fine with it) my husband wasn't too thrilled with the idea of nothing but NFP, because he didn't really trust that it actually works (he knows better now). Deacon Lloyd (and my first year of Familia) helped me to see how God really wants us to give of ourselves not just spiritually but physically...just like Christ did. I don't protect myself from receiving Christ in the Eucharist and all the spiritual fruit that births into my soul, so why would I want to protect myself from receiving my husband and all the physical fruit that could birth into my life?

After I finally got the "total, faithful and fruitful love" concept of my communion with Christ and his Church and my communion with my husband, NFP started to work it's real magic on me. And that is that NFP actually makes you want to have more babies because you start to see what a miracle fertility is and how spiritually powerful sacramental-marital sexuality is! Because as I charted those months and years, and abstained because dh wasn't ready for another child, I became brokenhearted at all the possible opportunities for bringing another immortal soul into this world. I read other moms blogs and got a pang of sadness when I read they are expecting #4 or 5 or 6 or.....

So, women of God out there, rejoice in your womanhood. Take pride in the amazing way God made you. Bring more immortal souls to this earth to grow up and glorify God...oh yeah...and pray for me that I can have another baby.

Gal Pals

Autumn has her good friend Joy Beth over today. This morning was our parish Familia meeting (http://www.familiausa.net/) of which Joy's mom, Sara (an unschooling Catholic friend) and I, are both members. We met at my house today. Sara had to take her older daughter to a Challenge meeting so I suggested Joy Beth stay here. I love these kind of days for kids. The 2 girls are just having a great time using their imaginations and just playing, playing, playing. It's so good for them. I just don't thing kids get enough of real play anymore. Even with homeschoolers there is this seeming need to have any kind of kid get together mean something more than just playing. UGH! It drives me crazy. Most of the time when I try and get together with friends, I have no motive other than to be with them. Why isn't that good enough for our children?

Synthetic Animation....on pause

This is Andrew's band, Synthetic Animation. They are alternative rock. You can find them on their my space page listed below.

From L-R is Eric on guitar, (with Superman laser eyes) Andrew in back on drums, in the front middle is Will (vocals, keyboards), Steven on bass guitar; who was later replaced by Jake (not pictured). Will was in a car accident the first weekend in October. For several weeks no one was sure Will would make it. Will is doing remarkably well now. Andrew finally got to visit him Monday. He's talking, laughing, and reading. He is going to have to relearn how to walk, and his short term memory needs help. I think, though, he will recover. So, things are on hold for the band...and it's very quiet in the basement where they practice. Please continue to pray for Will and all the boys in the band. Oh..and thank you God for keeping Will here with us. For updates see www.caringbridge.org/visit/willcarter

Below is a picture of Andrew and Will being the goofballs they are (during lunch at school) just a couple of weeks before the accident. Oh, and here's their band's website
www.myspace.com/syntheticanimation

Cleaning out my purse.

Robert has me devising a budget. He named me QuADD a long time ago...and rightly so. BTW, QuADD stands for Queen of Attention Deficit Disorder (don't forget to add hyperactivity in there too...I'm always goin' a mile a minute). I digress...back to the point. So, Robert wants me to make a budget. This is something I am not good at and loathe to do. Well, I have kept ALL receipts in my purse for a month, and now I am going to plug it all into a spreadsheet and see how much damage I actually do in a month. I have to say there were ALOT of Trader Joes receipts . However, I found this beautiful prayer card (not a picture, but the words)which the very first priest I went to confession to gave to me. His name was Fr.Frank. I really liked him. He is in a different parish now, but once he sang a Simon & Garfunkle song during his homily and it was awesome. Okay, okay I'm digressing again (do you not see the QuADDness). Here's the text on the card:


My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not actually mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am
doing. I hope that I will never doing anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, willI trust you always, though I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
+Thomas Merton+~Thoughts in Solitude~

Okay, so back to my budgeting. BTW, Andrew took the picture of Jesus at my mother's grave.

Happy Anniversary to Me

Today I celebrate two momentous occasions: my marriage to my hunny and my coming into the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. The first took place 12 years ago. The second, 4 years ago. I am very happy about both decisons. Here is the picture taken on our actual wedding anniversary which was also the day our marriage was convalidated and I was brought into the Church, November 11, 2003. (The wedding was 11/11/95). Andrew came into the Church the following Easter Vigil, April 10, 2004.


In the top picture are our (A list...private joke) friends, who were also our sponsors.
Left to Right: Rhett, Andrew, Sean (Rhett & Kath's ds), Fr. Adam, Robert, Me, Deacon Lloyd, Claire (Rhett & Kath's dd and Andrew's best friend) & Kathleen.

In the bottom picture is just us: Robert, Me, Autumn, Andrew & Ben

I finally figured out how to put pictures on my blog!

Here is a good one of me with Autumn at the 25th Jubilee of our parish.

Things I have learned about myself regarding homeschooling

Okay, so last night I couldn't sleep. I got this horrible cold going around. So, I prayed, offered up my suffering for my husband (who life at work has really sucked lately) and started thinking about things I have learned about homeschooling after having been at it for over 10 years.

1) I am drawn to curricula. I find it fascinating. I even like to buy it. However, in all reality it barely, if ever, gets used. There is saying someone told me comes from AA that goes "insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again but expecting different results". Clearly, I have been insane many times over the past decade buying curricula that I thought my kids would like to use, but they didn't. Because no matter how pretty it looked from the outside, or how well laid out it seemed on the inside, it was still contrived lesson plans that someone thought my kids should know. Well, the kids DIDN'T want to know it. Not then, and/or not in that way, so it unded up being a waste of money. Today, I say goodbye to that. Good, real books, cool reference materials, neato toys and projects; those will be the things I will spend money on from here on out.

2) I really LOATHE the institution of school. The more I read about the history of compulsory schooling the more the very thought of it just makes me want to hurl. When I think about how historically UNNATURAL it is to have little kids sitting around all day, at a desk, and told what to do, where to go, when to go, how to do things, what to think, the social bullying and general cruelty of (schooled) kids.... UGH!!!!...all I can think about is PRISON. I really cannot stand schooling. It goes against the very gift that God gave us; the gift of free will. I mean where do people make the connection that somehow being in school helps one to form their free will? If anything going to school ends up turning people in sheeple.

3) I love unschooling but get really mad that some who take this same approach think that unschooling is synonymous with "un"parenting. That whole TCS (Taking Children Seriously) crowd are a bunch of wackos. (I can say that it's my blog). Of course, we should take our kids seriously, but not the extent to which some of the more idealistic TCSers do that is patently ridiculous and downright dangerous to kids. Conversely, I resent those who think that because I am an Unschooler that it implies I let my kids do whatever they want...and call my dedication to my faith into question. Heck, I can't even do whatever I want, so I know they aren't. There is a difference between mindfully parenting (which I do) and learning (which we all do).

My kids are allowed to learn the way that they want, but they have chores, responsibilities, expectations for good behavior etc (which my dh and I better be modeling for them first!) . The Bible and Catechism are remarkable silent in expressing a method of education. They both state that it is the job of parents to raise their kids in the faith and that we are their primary teachers (if you will). The Bible states that we are not to exasperate our children. Man, how many kids are beyond exasperation with school, yet we keep making them go?

Most modern Catholic schools teach exactly the way our Prussian based public schools teach, they just add Religion, Mass and Prayer. I don't think that is necessarily a better alternative. Not when you finally learn that breaking things into subjects and starting kids in formal academic learning (that they have not asked for or chosen) is actually an impediment to real learning...and an encouragement to "learning disabilities". I would rather have unschooling, Mass, prayer, Adoration etc... At least, then, my kids are living the faith withing the context of life and not school. When faith is another subject at school, it runs the very real risk of becoming just that, another subject to get through with. I never want my kids to view the most important thing in life (their faith) like that.

4) I am really bugged by people asking my daughter what she learned today regarding homeschooling. Most people can't think outside the box enough (thanks, school) to try and really understand unschooling. It makes so many so very uncomfortable. So, they ask what did you learn today. What is that about? When I ask my highschooler (his choice to go ,not mine) what he did in school, rarely does it have to do with any academic subject. When I ask Ben about school he's virtually nonresponsive. And most kids are. You ask kids who go to school about what they did or what they learned and alot of them just shrug their shoulders. Surprisingly, no one takes much notice. They assume (and rightly so) that the kids are exhausted and just want to go home and play or veg in front of TV. BUT, when my daughter is asked about what she is doing or learning, as a homeschooler, she (and I) are judged far more harshly than her "schooled" peers and their parents. The time has come for that to stop.

5) All this being said, I really want my son out of his special needs public school setting. Yes, he can drive me completely mad, but he's my boy. I am so sick of the school administration treating me like a second class citizen. Like they know what is best for my Ben. I am sick of having to lie (to prevent a social worker from sending a nasty truency letter) everytime I want to take Ben on some homeschooling field trip that his sisters group may attend. I'm sick of having to talk Ben into going to school everyday, when he doesn't want to. He's there because last January, after homeschooling him (but trying, for dh's sake, to be more structured) things didn't work out and then Ben just became mentally unstable, so we all needed a break from each other. However, I realize now that I need to be more firm in my stand regarding unschooling both Autumn AND Ben ( for I have seen how it works in my 18 year old highschool senior). I have to stop vascillating for the sake of others and stick to my convictions. (Again, thank you school for undermining my confidence in myself and giving me that never ending need to get approval by those who are so-called "experts:!) The truth is I am not the "school at home" type of homeschooler, and neither are my kids...and that is just that. Time to accept it and move on. By fighting my convictions for the sake of others I just go crazy, the kids become little monsters, and I waste alot of money.

Okay, so my self reflective rant is over, for now.

Hopefully, I will get to take a nap today.

I Heart Huckabee

Today I added a Mike Huckabee blog sticker.
Even though (and Ron Paul does seem pretty darn cool) Mike Huckabee is the real deal conservative I have ended up rooting for. I have checked his record and he's never wavered or flip/flopped. I love that he says his Christian faith doesn't influence his decisions, it DRIVES them. If only the other Republicans could be like Mike Huckabee. Mike makes pretty much most of them look like screaming Liberals. Oh, if he could only lay waste to Mitt, Rudy and John (flippin' Centrists that they are) snag the nomination, and then win the election this Country might snap back to reality or better: morality. God forbid we end up with Hilary! Oh Nooooooo!!

Check Mike out by clicking on the banner top right.

Rach

My Baby is EIGHTEEN!

Okay, today is my first baby's birthday. My Andrew is 18 years old! What the heck happened? Where *did* the time go? It really seems like it's was just little while ago and he was in my arms, nursing sleepily while I rocked him. I would kiss his little head over and over wondering what he might be like when he was 4 or 11 or 16. Now, according to the powers that be, Andrew is an adult man.

He came into my life in a way that most would not prefer. I was single...a young woman, not even really involved with the young man who helped to co-create Andrew. Anyway, there I was...22...a Christian (ha! right!)....and pregnant. Well, at the very least (and, to me now, the most important aspect) in my walk with Christ, I knew that the baby I was carrying was a gift to this world, a precious individual who had every right to life, as we all do. So, I went and told my parents and my younger brother (as I still lived at home...thank you, GOD!) about the newest addition that would be joining our family. They all took it really well. Providentially, I had a loving non-judgemental mother and have a loving, albeit nutty, non-judgemental father and brother.

So the months passed, the male half of Andrew's DNA along with his mom, offered to pay me to "get rid of it". My family up north tried, in there intellectual way, to persuade me not to go through with "this" as I was young and had my whole life ahead of me. Praise be the Lord Jesus Christ that I didn't listen or entertain their ideas for MY baby. Then there were some close to me, not my parents or brother, that suggested adoption. Nice idea. One that is amazingly selfless, but I was too selfish...and I am thankful that I was so selfish in this instance. No, this baby was my gift. I had screwed up. Thrown my sexuality around in a way that is not of God, but God says He works all things for good to those that love Him. So, I trusted in His promise that this would be good.

So, on to his birth. It wasn't what I hoped for or wanted. I wanted natural. I got an emergency C-section (the kind they knock you out for). I didn't see my sweet boy until the day after he was born. I had no name. I wanted to see my child first. I didn't know if he was a boy or a girl before he was born. I remember coming to and hearing my mom say, "Rachie, you have a little boy." and then I went back to sleep. When I really got to see him and meet him, I fell in love in a way that is utterly unspeakable. There are no words. However, it did hit me like a ton of bricks....that there were others in my same situation that did not give their babies a chance to live. I cried so hard as I hugged him close. I cried for all the babies that never got a chance to be born, I cried for all the mothers who, for whatever reason, erased their own preborn children. I cried, most of all, in sincere thankfulness and gratitude that God's perfect love for me, and my imperfect love for Him, had prevented me from assigning my sweet, sweet son to a horrible fate. I cried because I was so loved by God to have received such a priceless gift...this boy. Mom and I kept calling out names to each other and all of a sudden, I looked at my angelic boy and said, "Andrew, he is defintely my Andrew." The years went on and Andy grew. His Grandparents adored him, my brother adored him. I adored him. He was nursed and attachment parented and unschooled. God found him a Daddy and me a husband. By the age of 6 Andrew had a family and a little brother on the way.

Andrew has been through so much. We moved from West Palm Beach to Atlanta when he was 5. It was the first time he was away from my parents, who we had lived with (I was a single-stay at home mom) and it was so hard. But we were embarking on a mission from God...that of a family. Robert asked me to marry him and asked Andrew to be his son and if he (Robert) could be his (Andy's ) dad...we all said yes. Andrew was our ringbearer. He looked so handsome in his tux.

Then next big event was a baby brother,Ben, and then legally becoming Robert's first son. Andy's brother, Ben, would grow up to have many issues to be sorted out. Andrew was a fabulous big brother through it all...and still is. Then, Andy would get a baby sister, Autumn. He loved both of them as babies and toddlers (now, it might be a different story. LOL). Finally, my parents were moving here to be near their babies (not my brother or me!)but my kids!! Shortly after Mother's Day 2000 we got the horrible news that Mima (what the kids called my mom) had Colon cancer. Just a month later I would be in a horrible car accident with Autumn (she would be okay, but I would end up in life long pain) on the way to the hospital for my mom's first surgery. Afterward, we would find out that the cancer had metasticized and Mima wouldn't have long. Andrew ADORED my mother. When I had to tell him that Mima was dying I don't know if my heart broke more over the fact that my precious mom was dying or that my sweet 10 year old boy was utterly devastated. Only five months later I would come home, late at night, to tell my sweet boy that his beloved Mima was gone to God and we would hold each other and cry a long time. At her burial, Andrew would not leave until the very last grain of dirt was spread over her grave.

Huge changes were now on the horizon, around the time Andrew was 13 I would feel called to become Catholic (and that is a whole 'nother story!). Andrew was already a professed Christian, and had been baptised at 2 months old, but I wanted him to make the choice for Catholicism, not me, especially since he was old enough to do so. I took him to Mass, he saw Christ on the Crucifix, he touched the Holy Water, found out that Jesus was really present in the Eucharist and decided that he wanted to be Catholic. So, a few months after I was received into the Church, Andrew came in, through RCIC on April 10th 2004. Praise God, again!

After being homeschooled, and mostly unschooled at that, Andy decided to try public highschool. Well, he ended up really liking it and has done particulary well in his favorite field, film/video making. He made friends, became a drummer, and formed a band. The lead singer of which is presently lying in an ICU unit after a terrible car accident. Andrew, ever the wonderful person he is, continues to visit the hospital to let Will's family know that he is there. Andrew is still best friends with his oldest homeschooling friend from Florida, Trevor (they met when they were 3 and 4 respectively).

Then there is Claire, whom he met when he was 5 and she was 4.

They are still as close as ever. Claire was Andrew's first friend in Atlanta. They met when we were moving into our first house.(Actually, both families are very close and we even go to the same parish.) The bottom line is that Andrew is a great friend. I am so proud of him for that. I guess if there is something good Andrew has learned from me is the importance of family and friend relationsips. Andrew knows and lives out his belief in God, and friends are complete gifts from God, and Andrew treasures his friends.

So here I find myself, the mother of a highschool senior, an 18 year old man. He could get married, fight for our country, vote, buy a home, get a credit card so much stuff. Where did my little Cheetah boy go. He is so funny, smart, handsome, faithful, loyal, honest, caring, understanding, respectful. I have no doubt he will be a wonderful father, loving husband. The kind of guy you can count on to do the right thing. A man who will always have your back...and be there when you need him. He is a complete gift to me, his dad, his siblings, his friends, this world. I am so glad he is here. I am so happy he is mine. I am so proud of the man he is becoming. Thank you, God, for my Andrew. I love him so much!!!

Lord,
Bless Andrew all the days of his life, keep him faithful to you and keep him safe. Amen.

It was 7 years ago today...

... that my amazing, wonderful, funny, loving, caring, smart mom passed into the arms of Jesus. It was just weeks before she would turn 54 on November 1st 2000. In the picture above, we are at Autumn's Baptism (this was prior to my becoming Catholic, so it took place in my Presbyterian church) it was on Mother's Day, May 14th 2000. Thank God, it was a wonderful Mother's Day and we all had such a great time together. Because, just a few days later, Mom would find out she had cancer. And 5 short months later she would be gone.

From left to right is Ben, my Mom, Autumn, my Dad, Andrew in front, and me. Robert was taking the picture.

I have no idea if Mom's stint in purgatory was short or nonexistent, but I believe she is with her Lord. Mom wasn't Catholic. At the time of her passing, neither was I. However, the whole family was devout Evangelical Christians. And, yes, at the time I believed in the "Assurance of Salvation"; but I know believing in it doesn't make it so. However, Mom suffered so horribly the 5 months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death that I think she may have zipped right through her purgatorial fire. During those 5 horrible months Mom had quite the firey gauntlet to run in order to get to Christ's arms. She did love him so much.

Mom didn't know about Redemptive suffering. However, her suffering sure redeemed me. I was alread a Christian, but seeing her faith in Jesus through her final months, only made me realize the truth of the God I serve. (Granted I was really mad at Him for a while after Mom went to Him, so I gave Him up that Lent ...and I didn't even celebrate Lent.)

Anyway, I believe it was my Mom's prayers from Heaven that brought me to the Catholic Church. I was raised in churches that believed the Catholic Church is a cult. I would never have thought to step foot in one had I not been nudged. And just like Mary leads us to her Son...my mother always lead me to Jesus (because we didn't know we had Mary). So, after death, in her Heavenly life, my mom realized that she needed me to know the full Christian truth of Catholicism. So, out of nowhere I felt this need to go to a Mass...the rest is history.

Thank you, Mom, for the greatest gift you have given me, beside my life, my faith. I love you and I miss you so much.

Love,
Your Rachie

Mom's final resting spot in the mountains of North Georgia where she loved to visit.