It's been so long.

Okay, so I have no idea what to say, except that facebook is so damn fun that I forgot about my blog. I started writing this as a way for my kids to see what a wacky mom they have. Then it kind of became a journal. I got alot out that first year and it was good for me.

This year so far has been pretty fun. In January, we found out that friends we had met on facebook were going to be in our area. It turns out Bill Mueller had a training thing for his job and it was right here in Roswell. He came first and then his wife, Terry, came a couple days later. We had a blast. I was really sorry to see them go at the end of the week. We introduced them to Doctor Who and they introduced us to Coupling. I took Terry all over Roswell, TiVo fell in love with Bill, and then, on Friday, Bill and Terry took us out to a fab dinner at Relish, along with 2 more facebook friends who live here in town, Loren and Tracy Peters (I went to high school with Loren). We had a really good time for 4 people who had never previously met in person. Oh, and we all survived (several friends of mine thought we were insane to invite facebook friends over...I mean what if they killed us). And here is proof that it all went well (Oh, and I now I have to figure out how I am going to get my ass to Illinois where they live.)


I met MUSE, my favorite band in the world and they were such nice guys. It is so awesome to meet people you admire so much and they turn out to be great. They could have been jerks...but they were not. Matt Bellamy, the lead singer, couldn't believe that Andrew was my kid. As if I didn't love Matt enough, I got a compliment. What a cool guy. Thanks to my Hunny and his friend Mike Greene, I got to see the most amazing concert of my life AND got to meet the band too. We chatted with them back stage for about 15 minutes. It was just the 4 of us, Robert, me, Andrew and his longtime pal, Claire. The latter two were virtually hyperventilating at meeting those Rock GODs...and it was adorable to see.
Robert finally got out of for-profit corporate life. A huge prayer was answered and he is now the managing director for internet & new media for the American Cancer Society. It's more a prestige position than a monied position...as most non-profits are. But, we can still stay in our house (we had it for sale for a 4 months) and he is doing something that matters. And that is what we have prayed for for so long. Robert is an amazing husband and stand up guy. He wants to take care of this family as sole provider, so I can be the hand that rocks the cradle at home, but he always wanted to get paid to do something that made a huge positive impact on those around him. So, here's a shout out to the big man upstairs...Thank you, GOD, for making this all happen!!!

Now, I am thinking of adding a new puppy to the mix. Before that happens I have to re-home our 3 cats. It's not something I want to do, but no one pays any attention to them, or takes care of them anymore and it sucks. I change their litter and feed them, but I am the primary carer of the dog, so I am in and out of the cats business pretty quickly. I love Toonces the most, will miss him desperately, but the cats were for the kids. They are growing up and don't care. Everyone loves TiVo and it's not hard to understand why. He is awesome, and loving and interacts with everyone. The cats interact on their terms...whenever that is. And those 3 fluffy idiots could have become friends with TiVo, but they would have nothing to do with him and now that he is big they are afraid of him. I'm kind of sick of living in the Gaza strip of my own home. There are zones for the cats and the dog and it's gotten really old. Before anyone gives me any crap, understand, I wouldn't give away a kid. These are animals. If they are not happy, I believe I should help them to be so. I love all animals....I really do. But when it comes down to brass tax I am a dog girl. I love walking TiVo, I love taking him to the dog park. I love all the social interaction he brings to me. I am an extrovert...and I believe cats are for introverts. NO judgement, just a statement. I drive around with TiVo all day. He comes with me everywhere. I can't take my cats anywhere. Anyway, that's what going on there.
On the spirituality front, the last year has been weird. Right now I am in a good place and am praying it sticks. I have gone through a lot of so called 'atheist phases' and I don't like them. They are very dark and dry and lonely...a great breeding ground for anger and selfishness. Sometimes life does seem pointless. I told Robert recently that it (life) seems like a giant hamster wheel we get on and have to keep running on and we only get to get off when we die. Translate that into me feeling exhausted...and bored. I need new things to shake me up.

Lately, I have re-committed myself to caring for myself and losing the few pounds I put on, over the last few months, this after having lost over 30 pounds. How easy it is to slip off the saddle. Luckily, it was less than 10lbs, 5 of which are gone...so I am on track. I am feeling so much better. It's not fun getting out of control and feeling that you can't seem to help yourself. I am happy to be back in the saddle and taking it day by day to stay there.

The kids are all doing really well. Autumn has been in a really cool homeschool co-op this year and the time off (for me) and added social interaction for her has been fabulous. Next month she has a jazz recital...they are dancing to All That Jazz from Chicago and should be adorable. Here is Autumn with the girl half of the her co op, there are 3 boys in it too.

Ben is almost done with his 7th grade year at the Cottage School and boy howdy do I love that place and everything it's done for our boy. Ben is really doing so much better this year, on all fronts, than he has in the past. I have high hopes that things are going to continue to change for the better, for 'the Bendamin'. Oh, and Ben's braces finally came off...look how handsome.

Andrew, my handsome vulcan son, is still working at Trader Joe's...almost 2 years. I am so pround of him. He has just a couple weeks left and will be done with his sophmore year at Georgia State. He is still living at home (which I love) and still plugging away at his post-rock band, Absence of Ocean. He has taught himself how to play guitar and writes alot of songs. All in all, he's pretty damn cool. I love him to bits...just wish he were a little more chatty....how is he my kid??? I mean, he looks just like me so I know he is mine....but talk about opposite. One great thing is that Andrew will be 21 in 6 months and then I can send him on booze runs for me and Robert....woo hoo!! LOL Below is Andrew's shocked, "I just met Muse" face.
I think I am gonna go bake something yummy now. I am off wheat again, due to allergies. I am thinking this time I should stay off of it for good, but we'll see. Wheat definitely bothers me most in Spring and Summer as it causes my eczema to flare. I have been off of it over a week now and my hand eczema is almost healed. You know what else is weird...I swear I am addicted to wheat. When I am not eating it, I don't have the insane food cravings I normally do...the very same cravings that got me into trouble gaining almost 10 pounds back of the 30 I lost. I wonder if there is something too that? All I know is that in 2 or 3 days time my hands will look and feel normal again and that is worth everything. Besides, I made a KILLER gluten free version of my favorite cake 'Tres Leches' and it soooooo frickin good, I dare anyone to guess it's not made with wheat flour.

Oh yeah, how could I forget a really cool thing...we now have a Keurig One Cup coffee making system and it is the coolest thing in the universe...and yes, I have even seen and played with the iPad. But really great coffee (which I don't need to roast, or grind or measure or brew) in a minute is freaking awesome when you are as addicted to the substance as I am!! My birthday is coming up this Thursday, the 29th. I love K-Cups...send me some!! ;-)


Later,
Rach

Funniest Hitler Parody Yet!

WARNING!!! Foul Language and a very fed up blogger.

Here's the deal (to coin a phrase from my youth).
I am sick and tired of the Olbermanns, Maddows, and the combined media outlets of MSNBC, NBC, ABC, CBS oh and the Bill Mahers and Jeaneane Garafolo's painting me as some fringe right wing idiot.

You know why I like Glenn Beck, because he acts like a regular dude who doesn't talk down to me. O'Reilly doesn't take shit from anyone, and Dennis Miller, having once been a wacked out Liberal, knows how to show them up for who they really are....and his insults are par excellence. I can't handle Hannity because he is too partisan. Plus, I am not a Republican. I am a pro-life Libertarian. Glenn Beck is too. He genuinely seems to want to know what the fuck is really going on, while so many people sit complacently in their EZ Boys figuring that everything will turn out OK.

Did any of my friggin peers read 1984? Do you really think any political party trying to get all the power in all 3 branches of the government, and co-opting most of the media is a good thing? You don't see conservatives out there trying to get Olbermann off the air. Yet, Czar Van Jone's group was responsible for pulling 50 advertisers from Beck's show. Geesh, are you Libs really that worried? Holy shit! Can't there be differing points of view or is it only yours that counts? So all you liberal scaredy cats are gonna try (it won't happen) and try to get Beck off the air. Am I not allowed to hear differing points of view. You mean I have be stuck with Olbermann, Maher, Couric, and that lot? Are you fucking kidding me??????

To that Garafolo bitch I would like to say that I am NOT a racist. I love Alan Keyes, I think Michael Steele is a cool son of bitch. Thomas Sowell is smarter than everyone at the Daily Kos put together. Condoleeza Rice is a bad ass, and she would be an awesome president. BUT somehow I am a racist because I didn't want a 'particular' black man as president. STFU, you stupid Hollywood skank!

Olbermann: I watch your show. Lately, you do and say nothing substantive. All you do is show clips from Glenn Beck and then act like someone slipped you some frigging Meth. Take a Xanax and calm down. Sorry ratings suck....but you do and that's why.

Bill Maher: the ONLY thing you and I agree on is that marijuana should be legalized and have the shit taxed out of it. I think alcohol is far more dangerous. Drunks kill people, start bar fights, cause domestic violence. Potheads laugh alot. So, I think my more strictly conservative friends need to lighten up on this issue. Geesh, just a little more than 100 years ago you could get cocaine at the drugstore. Other than that, Bill, I think you are the most smarmy, snobbish, asshole with the biggest superiority complex next to Obama himself. But you know what? As much as I loathe you, I will defend voraciously yor right to the airwaves and your free speech. Too bad your ilk is all behind the Fairness (NOT) Doctrine and want to kill my ability to listen to Rush, Laura Ingraham, Glenn Beck or Michael Medved.

Mainstream media: Catch this clue....your ratings are tanking because everyone believes you are so far up the Obama administration's ass that you will find polyps before his Proctologist does! I watched Maddow and she didn't have one, not one, conservative or libertarian guest. The whole show was skewed to the left and openly mocked those on the right. That???? is fair and balanced????? Yeah, right. You are all such LOSERS. The press and the media are always, always supposed to be there for 'the people' and constantly critique the powers in Washington. And this is not happening anymore. What is so hysterically funny to me is that Progressive Liberals have become 'the Establishment' that the original liberals from the 60's so hated. So whoopee, I am a bonified non-conformist!

I don't want the federal government in my local schools, in my healthcare (medicaid, medicare are fucked up enough and going broke...woo hoo...the government is SOOOOO GOOD at what it does...NOT) I don't want them in my churches, syagogues, mosques, temples, teepees..where ever. I don't want them insinuating themselves into the homeschooling of my children. I don't want them taking over or bailing out banks, oil companies, car companies any companies. You can protect the nation, build roads, dams and bridges and back off of everything else.

And last, President Obama, you know had it been 1973 when you were born, you might not have been. Thanks so much for you care of the unborn. Thanks for saying you didn't want either of your daughters to ever have to deal with the mistake of a unplanned pregnancy = BABY. I had a baby who wasn't planned. I had people tell me to get rid of 'it'. Hmmmm, surprisingly my 'it' is downstairs on the couch, getting ready for work, looking over some college work. Surprisingly, my 'it' isn't an it. It's not even a lump of tissue.... It's a human, a man. He is a man of almost 20. The world would be a much sorrier place without him. Though, of course, to you he was a mistake. You know what? YOU are the mistake America made when voting you in as President.

Keep your hands off my religion, and my guns (if I ever get any), and my Democratic Republic. Fire your Czars. There is no room in American for anyone with the title of Czar. Besides which, all these unvetted Czars are not constitutional.

Oh and would you like to know who I am.

I am a woman who gave life to my child when confronted with an unplanned pregnancy, instead of killing him for my convenience.
I am a woman who stayed home to raise my children because I see children as worthwile, not just things to aquire or DNA to be passed on.
I am a woman who breastfed her kids through toddlerhood, not just for a few days.
I am a woman who co-slept with her nursing babies instead isolating them to a lonely room in a little jail called a crib.
I am a woman who cloth diapered all of her kids. I washed them myself and hung them out to dry. How Donna Reed of me.
I am woman who does not like to be referred to, by my kids friends, as Mrs. Ross or Miss Rachel, Rachel is fine with me.
I am a woman who homeschooled her kids, not for religious reasons, but because I think school is a very dysfunctional system that is in no way based on the way people really live.
I am a woman who, as a homeschooler, was an unschooler, which meant my kids learned what, when, why and where they wanted to learn. No forcing of lessons here. My oldest is now a sophmore in college.
I am a woman who thought it was crazy that when her son turned 18 he could fight and die for this country, or get married, but wasn't allowed to have a drink. A drinking age of 21 is dumb.
I am a woman who was a devout Evangelical Protestant who hated Catholicism and then, 4 years ago, become a Catholic (don't tell me God isn't hysterical). I don't pretend to be perfect or all together because I am a serious work-in-progress.

I am a woman who thinks the theory of evolution takes far more blind faith to believe in than the theory of intelligent design. But if they are going to teach evolution then they need to teach intelligent design (which is different from the idea of fundamentalist creationism). Afterall, how many times can you through up flour, butter, sugar, and eggs and have it come down a cake....uh...NEVER. So if you know someone 'designed' your car, home, shoes, clothes etc....you better darn well get it through your thick atheist skulls that someone or something DESIGNED this planet.

I am a woman who is very committed to traditional marriage and values, but believes that the government needs to get entirely out of the marriage licensing business altogether. EVERYONE should receive a civil union license and then go on to get married at the religious or civic venue of their choice, provided that venue has no ideological problem with same sex marriage. If the Marriage Act is off the table and everyone gets C.U. license, then a gay/lesbian/transgender couple can't force any denomination which believes eclusively in man/woman marriage to marry them. Yet, they can still get married. That way everyone (and their beliefs) is protected.

I am a woman who loves my God, my husband, my kids, my pets, my friends, my country. I swear like a sailor, but I am a fiercly loyal friend. I love great coffee, great food, great sex (with said husbad), great conversations, a cool buzz (every now and again), alternative rock music, vampires, Catholic saints, apologetics, cute guys, Monty Python, SNL, Family Guy, staying up late and then sleeping in, cold rainy weather (snow is even better) and breaking schedules. I love to live my life on the fly and hate making plans.

I am a woman who WILL NOT BACK DOWN fighting for the right to be who I am and for the right for you to be who you are...even if we disagree.

DO I SOUND LIKE WHAT ONE WOULD PERCEIVE AS RIGHT WING EXTREMIST??

I am an American and proud of it. I will NOT apologize for wanting to keep my country free of an oppressively large, powerhungry, money-grabbing, and increasingly out-of-touch government.

Just one me

Okay, so I may be ADHD out the wazoo, but I absolutely cannot focus on multiple blogs. They actually make me squirrelly (sp)? Anyway, my one and only blog here has to reflect everthing about me. I removed myself from one and deleted the other one. My love of my family, my love of unschooling, my love of the Catholic faith, my love of Siberian Huskies...TiVo in particular, my love of food, music, movies, books and yes...even hot guys.

So, I started blogging and then stopped because I become addicted to a facebook game called farmtown.

Let me tell you it is my own little piece of cyber zen. What is funny is how Robert has given me shit about it. This coming from a guy who played Ultima Online and Everquest for the first 7 years of our marriage. I was a gamer widow. He is now into his iMac, iPhone, audiobooks and facebook. So, I do see alot more than the back of his head these days...well for the last 5+ years easily. :-) Now it is his turn to see the back of my head. HA!

Also, as it typically my style, I am in the midst of reading 3 books. The first one is Memnoch, The Devil by Anne Rice. It's the 5th book in her Vampire Chronicles. The second book is Four Witnesses by Rod Bennet. He is a former Baptist now Catholic and this book is a compilation of 4 of the earliest Church Fathers. The last book is a food memoir and cookbook by Shauna James Ahern called Gluten Free Girl. It is soooo good. I have been gluten free for a bit now....with a few glutinous run ins...and do feel ALOT better without it. Go to Shauna's blog for awesome food, pictures and writing...no matter whether you eat gluten or not: Gluten Free Girl

Robert is still at Suntrust...amazing to still be employed by a bank after 2 years...especially now. They are doing stupid corporate team building this week and my Hunny just wants someone to shoot him in the face. He hates this stuff. I don't blame him. I went to a cocktail party with some people I didn't know and having to small talk was KILLING ME. I bolted early because I thought I would explode.

Andrew

Eric

Harrison

Andy is downstairs with his band doing some run througs as they have a recording studio session later today. Andrew (drums/vocals) and his band: Eric (guitar), Harrison (bass) are most likely going to change their name from Iconoclast (because there are too many of those) to Absence of Ocean. It is a fitting name as the trio have moved in a definitively POST ROCK direction. For those of you in the know think: Sigur Ros without the Icelandic.

Autumn is playing with Morgan, who is over for the afternoon. My girlie and I have recently gotten into My Sims Town on Wii and love playing it together. She also wants to go to the pool all the time. I don't mind as long as it is late. I hate the sun....something I have in commom with Lestat and Edward.



Ben is, as usual, perpetually plugged into the matrix. The XBOX 360 broke in late Spring (the dreaded red ring of death) but I sent if off and it came back within a week...all fixed up and saving my Summer! I also troubleshot the Wii and fixed that too. Pretty amazing since my husband thinks technology and I don't mix. However, he told me he was done with dealing with gaming systems, so I had to learn fast and on the fly. I am proud I did it. I, however, can't get into Ben's games. Right now he is into Far Cry 2. Thank God for Xbox Live so he can play online with his friends.


Last are my kitties, still pissed that Mr. Dog (TiVo) is still here and alive. TiVo is awesome, just awesome. He has turned into such a good boy. He is a big Husky too. These days he spends his days lying around in the AC where ever I happen to be. He is sound asleep right now because Andy's band practice just puts him right out. Meanwhile the cats are all having panic attacks at the loudness of the music. TiVo is also a regular at our local dog park and I know almost every dog there by name and most of the owners names. He has a bunch of Husky friends: Misha, Aspen, Ozzie, Max, Banshee, Darby, Luca, Darla, Dexter, Morgan, Sage, Simon, Tory, Kota. That is alot of Siberian Huskies. I don't think I am missing anyone. He has some other best dogpark pals too: Cosby: schnoodle (black schnauzer/poodle), Mirabelle: black/white harlequin Great Dane, Maya: caramel/white pitbull mix and Max: black/white Karolean Bear Dog (very cool). Then there are my friends dogs: Einsten (Kath's labradoodle/australian shepherd mix) and Danny and Doris (Lisa's mixed puppies). Last, across the street is Gretchen a shepherd mix. They play in Gretchen's yard together. As you can see TiVo is the dog about town. I take him to the dog park at least 5 days a week. Lately we go at 8pm coz it's alot cooler. It's really fun to watch him play.

Last Friday, in typical Husky style, Tivo, for the first time, escaped from our yard. It was 3am when we realized he was missing. The last time I actually saw him out front was 1am. (We have an underground fence system). Well, I didn't have his collar on snuggly enough so he ran right through the charge and didn't feel anything....and he just kept going. My husband took off on foot and I drove everywhere that I walk or take TiVo. Finally, on my way home thinking he was gone for good, I notice my husband walking him home on the leash. Turns out TiVo had run across the street behind the school to the huge park. He was muddy and wet and pretty darn happy. I am just glad he is safe.

I posted this on a sidebar awhile ago...then took it off. But it is worth keeping.

"I’d encourage your youngest one to abandon kindergarten altogether. Almost everything I learned was learned outside the classroom, and school itself interrupted my education. Moreover, school locks you in with your peers. That is a mistake. One’s social circle should never include one’s equals. From my earliest years I found children uninteresting and always preferred the company of adults. This was an advantage, because I got to know lots of folks who are dead now whom I never would have known if I had waited until I was an adult. - So I have a collective memory - and oral tradition - that goes back to the eighteenth century, having spoken with people who knew people who knew people who knew people who lived then. - The only real university is the universe and a city its microcosm. That is why an expression like “New York University” is foolish. New York City is the university….Instead of school, children should spend some hours each day in hotel lobbies talking to the guests. They should spend time in restaurant kitchens and shops and garages of all kinds, learning from people who actually make the world work….One day spent roaming through a real classical church building would be the equivalent of one academic term in any of our schools, and a little time spent inconspicuously in a police station would be more informative than all the hours wasted on bogus social sciences. Formal lessons would only be required for accuracy in spelling and proficiency in public speaking, for which the public speakers in our culture are not models, and in exchange for performing some menial services a child could learn the violin, harp, and piano from musicians in one of the better cocktail lounges, or from performers in the public subways….So I urge you to keep your child out of kindergarten, because kindergarten will only lead to first grade and then the grim sequence of grade after grade begins and takes its inexorable toll on the mind born fertile but gradually numbed by the pedants who impose on the captive child the flotsam of their own infecundity." ~Fr. George Rutler

Originally posted by Peter Robinson via The Corner at National Review Online.

Gonna be so fun!

EGAD! Gluten Free?! Me?!

I know I am just not blogging enough. I was fb'ing with my friend Helen and she mentioned how she does alot of writing in her head, well so do I. I have always got something to say or that I want to talk about but never seem to have the time to really sit and write. Well, since Ben got out of school last Thursday at noon and Autumn used saved money to buy herself a pre-owned DS Lite, I might actually get some time to write in lieu of my micro-blogging on facebook. 

So, what's new with me, I have gone gluten free. I have been at 90% compliance over the last 2 weeks, most days I am eating 100% no gluten and then on 2 occasions I had some. Why the Hell would you do something crazy like that Rachel? (That IS what you are thinking right?) Well, it's because I stumbled upon some internet articles regarding joint pain and gluten sensitivity (I am not talking allergy here). I was in a car accident 9 years ago and after 2 excruciatingly painful years of neck, shoulder and arm pain (only my right side) along with LOTS of chiropractic and Ibruprofen (which wrecked my stomach lining for about 2 years) things seemed to get tolerable and I was kinda okay. Every once in a while I would get flare ups of the accident pain. I was told by regular docs that I had myofacial pain (look it up if you care to) and that I was just going to have to deal with it off and on. Whoopie! 

Fast forward to now. In the last year I have lost over 30 pounds. I got in shape primarily through walking. I didn't have the time or money for a gym. Then my right side starts to go again and I am in agony and waking up with headaches straight from the pit of HELL. Also, my knees and hips started fricking killing me. But wait, I weight less now....shouldn't they feel better? I went to a orthopedic guy and he confirmed there were no structural problems and that there was no arthritis or any kind of degenerative thing going on. He said it was probably some inflammation and to take some.....wait for it.....Ibruprofen!!! After being scoped every which way from sundown in 2004 and being on Nexxium for 2 years, I am not super interested in developing NSAID Gastritis again.

So, I am thinking what the heck to do. I start researching joint pain and inflammation and keep coming across gluten sensitivity. Okay, if you know me at all you know I love to bake. The last fricking thing I even want to consider is that gluten is making the pain from my accident worse than it needs to be, or contributing to my knee and hip pain.  At first I dismissed it. However, at the same time I had gained back 5 pounds of the 33 I had lost. I was having the hardest time with maintaining my new weight. It is really different when you're losing because you kind of get into this zone. But when you hit goal you have to adjust things. Some of the stuff I wouldn't go near were allowed back on my plate. That stuff was all gluten based: french bread, pasta,pancakes, waffles, cookies, crackers, pretzels, cake. When I was losing weight I was not remotely low carb, but I ate mostly veggies and lots of fruit. I had grains but ate really high fiber low cal bread, whole grain pasta etc... because I was watching my total caloric load. So, I am at maintainence and having a helluva time with carb cravings. At first I thought it was sugar so I reduced that. It didn't help. Then I went to whole wheat only, tried staying off the white stuff. That didn't help either. Then I found I was just sabotajing the crap out of myself gravitating to more bread, bigger bowls of pasta, more cookies etc. All my healthy habits of eating lots of lean protein, fruit veggies and whole grains were slipping away and ALL I wanted to eat was wheat based food all day. I kep a food diary for a bit and nothing but bread, scones, pasta, cookies, etc was crossing my lips almost exclusively. Talk about GRAINDAMAGE! 

I got to thinking and figured maybe my mostly wheat based diet and constant cravings for more wheat based things AND all this joint pain (which landed me back in the chiropractors office 3 times a week again) would go away or at least be significantly reduced. It was worth a shot. Well, I haven't been to the chiropractor in 3 weeks. Yes, I have pain, but it is stunningly less than what I was dealing with a month ago. But what is more profound than the reduction of pain is that I don't crave glutenous carbs like I did. I am not carb or grain free either. I have a little stash of gluten free chocolate chip cookies and I can eat 2 and feel fine. One regular choc chip cookie and I will eat them until I am full or they are gone. I have made GF bread (it tastes like corn bread but holds together better) and I just made gf banana bread and it is AWESOME! Another side effect is that Spring is when my hand eczema flares and it my hands were getting itchy and breaking out.  They are presently clear. 

Anyway, I am going to give a a couple of months. If things continue to markedly improve, I may just stay gf and discover a renewed passion for baking in a new way. However, since blood tests for Celiac Disease came back negative a few years ago (when I was having all the tummy trouble) I know that I will still be having a eeny weeny amount of gluten every week and that would be what ever is left in the host after being consecrated into the Eucharist. God's gluten I will never give up! ;-)

Peace,

Rach

29th day of April = 43 years old.

Ok, I suck, I know. There I was just blogging along and then I got sucked into the black hole called Facebook. I have missed writing here, tho.  However, since today is my birthday, I figured it would be as a good a day as any to start back up. 

So, how do things stand for Rach, on this, the 43rd year of her birth? 

Mentally, I am doing pretty well. We are heading into mid Spring and I feel 'up'. Unlike most people dealing with mood issues, I tend to start heading down this time of year. BUT, since I did that this past Fall (lucky me!!!) maybe there is hope, for me, that I am going to have a good Summer (which would be a first counting the last 5+ years).  I have to give credit to facebook here. It is a great place for instant feedback. For instance, today, it's been a non stop flood of Birthday wishes. It's a great, drugless and free mood enhancer. Also, the fact that Ben has done REALLY WELL at The Cottage School, this year, helps too. Andy is doing great at GA State and Trader Joe's, Autumn is having fun homeschooling and is even enrolled in a cool new co-op for next year. And my marriage is spectacular...coz I have a great Hunny Bunny.

Physically, I am falling apart. This past year, I lost 30+ pounds. I have maintained that loss, but have done a fair job of screwing up my knees and right hip. I never got into a running program, only walked, but I think I was never really careful of 'how' I walked.  Like, I never really was careful how I held my posture and/or came down on my feet when ascending or descending hills etc... So, tomorrow, I have my first appt with an Orthopedic doc. The first guy I am going to see deals with hips and knees. Then I have to make a 2nd appt to see one who deals with neck and shoulders. I was in a car accident 9 years ago. I had extensive therapy and chiropractic care for several years...then I thought I was fine. Well, no. I have been back at the Chiropractor for a month with not a ton of progress being made. Today was a horrible day, pain wise. I went to my Chiro and still felt horrible after my adjustment. He continued to work on me to no avail. Both of us were stumped. Normally, I get some immediate relief. I took some extra strength OTC painkiller and it's hasn't touched the pain. This freaks me out because I am worried if I don't keep up the activity I normally do that I am going to gain some weight back...and that will suck....any suggestions?

Spiritually, it's been a weird year. Very dry. I had been doing so well (the fact that I said 'I' is probably indicative of my problem...it's about Him, right, not me) for the first 5 years of my conversion to Catholicism. Now that I am working toward my 6th year, things are getting murky. That zeal I had has really ebbed away. It's bumming me out. I am feeling what I can only imagine is a mid-life crisis. I really thought I would have had another kid. Kids are great with giving someone purpose. However, I think my ovaries ran away. C'mon, who can blame them? Let's just say Robert and I have done our part on many an optimal occasion and I feel like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer when, while digging for gold, he threw his ice pick into the ice, pulled it out, licked it and said, "Nothin!"  So, I guess I am feeling aimless and purposeless now. Yes, of course, my hubby and kids still need me. But it's so much less engrossing than the needs of an infant or toddler. I kinda feel like I should be put out to pasture (trust me, I know this is just a feeling...but still).  So, God is clearly working on this with me...and we shall see what happens.

Well, I guess I will just have to be hopeful that this new year for me will be one of physical and spiritual renewal. 

Peace,

One very bad dude!

This whole article was taken from Life After RC. It was so good I had to reprint her here.  I hope those of you in RC realize that if you were to remove Catholicism from this scenario Maciel would be seen as a predatory con-man pure and simple. It is only our faith that muddles this situation. Like the author says, LC and RC really has no charism. It's just real Catholicism dressed up as a movement. Go back to authentic Catholicism and practice it in your home parish among your family and fellow man. Leave this group to wither like chaff. ~Rachel

A con-man

Glenn Favreau summarises our current understanding of Maciel:

I was a Legionary of Christ for nearly 14 years. I have been working with Regain for nearly 10 years now, and I have followed the genesis of the downfall of Marcial Maciel since the first Hartford Courant articles in 1997 more closely than most people. It has been my business to help ex-members as they leave the group, to counsel parents, and to provide truthful information both about my experience and about the group.

Over the years, I have come to an intimate knowledge of the workings of the Legion and the place that Maciel is given in these workings. I have carefully studied many diverse responses to the person of Maciel as his private life and public activities have come to light and been commented upon. I am of the opinion that Marcial Maciel began the Legion of Christ with no spiritual motivation whatsoever.  He was a con man. He was a very good con man. Whether he was caught up in the typical con man's dilemma of believing his own con or not will probably never be known, unless he confided to this to individuals outside of the Legion of Christ.  

If Maciel were of any other profession (outside of the Catholic Church) and committed this type of fraud in any other framework, we would call him a con man with out any hesitation. Unfortunately, we naturally try to save the perceived "spiritual" aspect since we share in it as Catholics. I say “unfortunately” , because if we could overcome our own bias in this regard, we could put this entire saga into the annals of the history of the greatest cons of our time, and make peace with the fact that we bought into it, we were mistaken, and we can move on.

When you compare the reaction that faithful Catholics have about the "gifts" that Maciel left to the Church, no one can beat Diogenes for an analogy:

[C]onsider a woman whose husband ingeniously hid his infidelities from her for many years. Once she realized she had been deceived, the gifts he brought back from his business trips would be understood to have been instruments in that deception. Far from cherishing the jewelry he gave her, she'd feel that the diamonds now mocked the affection and fidelity they symbolized. By the same token, Maciel's addresses will be spiritually kosher -- he was after all a highly successful deceiver. But those addresses dishonor the very truths they expound, and it's impossible that they can cause anything but distress and confusion in those who attempt to nourish themselves on them.

If we consider that the victims of Maciel (not the physical abuse victims, but the hood-winked rank-and-file) are in the position of the foolish wife who trusted a man despite the warnings of others, we will understand their trauma, their reaction, their fumbling about for explanations. Betrayal is a horrific thing and it takes tremendous grace -- especially humility -- to arrive at the fullness of truth. It takes grace -- and time.

If it helps, we can remember that he fooled the hierarchy as well (the one's he didn't pay off to help cover his game) and his cloak of orthodoxy is a "plug and play" for those who understand the faith. As his followers attest, the "charism" is nothing more than Basic Catholicism -- so he didn't even take the time to invent something new. What the Magisterium didn't provide, Stephen Covey did. A clever con, but only a con in the end.

February 18, 2009 in Deceit for the Kingdom 

The nails continue to be driven into the coffin

More on Maciel and if the LC/RC charism can really still be valid. The following was taking from this article. Below is an excerpt using not only Maciel's own words but a passage from the Gospel that LC used to use to defend Maciel and now seems to do nothing but damn him. Folks, this is looking worse with every passing second. 

But consider these passages from volumes called Envoy, which publish selections of Maciel’s letters recommended as spiritual reading to Legionaries and Regnum Christi members. They demonstrate the problem the Legionaries will have in keeping them as part of their spirituality. 

Purity of heart… is so foreign to the licentiousness and cult of sex all around us that it shows clearly you are committed to follow Christ… a great measure of your apostolic fruitfulness depends on it, since to a great degree our possession of God depends on this virtue. (Vitoria 13 August 1959) 

We should never lie for any reason whatsoever. It is a mortal sin when God is greatly offended by causing damage against religion, the Church or Authority, or when the name and good reputation of other people is considerably damaged… “Lips that lie are abhorrent to Yahweh” (Proverbs 12:22). (Bermuda 23 February 1962) 

If you want to convince others of the value of a certain lifestyle, you will attain little or nothing if you yourself do not demonstrate your personal convictions by your actions. Such is the wisdom of the popular refrain, “Actions speak louder than words.” (Rome 1 November 1991) 

These are passages of Maciel that cannot now be read with a straight face let alone serve as spiritual nourishment. Will Legionary novices, as they have in the past, continue to learn the charism from daily study of the many volumes of Cartas de Nuestro Padre? (Can they still call him “Nuestro Padre”?) Can we learn from a hypocrite to hate hypocrisy? By his own words, his impurity, lying, and hypocrisy rendered Maciel’s ministry fruitless and abhorrent to God. His own words refute the Legionary claim to recognize the good that can come even from a flawed instrument.. And if we must discard some of Maciel’s writings because they have become inconvenient, what is the criterion for choosing and keeping any of them? 

Maciel’s defenders always cited Matthew 7.20. Father Kearns wrote in 2006 after the discipline: “Vindication has always come, because the Judge's instructions to the jury have always been the same: By their fruits you will know them.” Father Neuhaus had based his “moral certitude” of knowing Maciel’s innocence by the fruits of his professed orthodoxy and the Legion’s impressive vocational statistics. But the argument was always circular: it excluded a priori from consideration those who were damaged by their experience of the Legion and Regnum Christi and became critics, including those who lost their faith or nearly did because in the name of Christ they had been manipulated and lied to. The accusers were always themselves fruits of the tree, even though they were not believed.

Now that they, not Maciel, have been vindicated, Matthew 7.18 comes into focus: A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. As Legionaries confront their past and face their future, it will not be easy for them to account for these words of the Lord. 

... honesty would make a healthier attitude for Legionaries to adopt than Father Corcuera’s “regarding the person of our Father Founder, I cannot but recognize all the good I received through him.” If Legionaries continue to claim publicly that a sexual predator and liar led them to faith and vocation, we must wonder how authentically Catholic and Christian that faith and vocation ever was. Is their Jesus our Jesus? 

Vows of Silence documentary overview

LC/RC Talking Points re: Maciel

EXLC Priest's blog, Third Journey

The audacity of the Legion. I had an actual member of RC tell me that she wasn't going to talk about what Maciel did because that was a sin. HUH? Whah?

If you are in LC or RC,  I have three words to say to you:  

GET OUT NOW!

Ash Wednesday & Lent

I hope everyone, who celebrates Lent, will have a blessed Ash Wednesday and Lent. Here is an amazingly wonderful prayer that I found while in Adoration. It is in the January 2009 edition of the Magnificat. I typed it here because it is so wonderful I want everyone who doesn't know about (or like me, subscribe to) the Magnificat to be able to use it. My friend Sara and I are going to say this prayer each day of Lent. We thought it was a perfect prayer for Lent, since it has to do with conversion.  ~Peace

Litany of Ongoing Conversion

 

Response: Lord, give me the grace of conversion.

 

Lord Jesus,

 

When I look at my life from the starting point of my own insufficiencies instead if from the fact of your compassion, grace, and love for me. R

 

When I would prefer to live by my own thoughts and my own understanding instead of by your Truth which alone can set me

free, R

 

When I would rather brood over what annoys me than to turn myself over to you who always invite me to come to you, R

 

When I obsess over self-absorption, complacency, and self-assertiveness, R

 

When I get dejected about my sin, not because it offends you, but because it prevents me from being able to take delight in myself, R

 

Whenever I live in a dualistic way, as if my faith and my “real life” are two separate things, R

  

 When I am deceived into thinking my happiness depends on something in the future instead of what you give me in the present, R

 

When discouragement and shame make it hard for me to be faithful, R

 

When I become distraught over the evil I would commit if left to myself, forgetting that I do not live according to myself but that I live in you, R

 

When self-doubt and fear seem to have the last say, R

 

When I miss the point of my fragility, a gift you give me so that I will be prompted to rely on you, R

 

When I am inclined to interpret my problems as punishment and my miseries as being abandoned by God, R

 

When impenetrability takes over my life, making me resistant to your beauty and all the little ways you ordain to give yourself to me, R

 

When I get distracted, my emotions, my passions, my regrets, R

   

When I get duped into thinking I must fix myself up in order to have a relationship with you, forgetting that you come to me with your love just the way I am, R

 

When I treat my faith like some answer to be sought instead of as a loving Presence to be affirmed, R

 

When I get discouraged by chronic or recurring sins in my life, R

 

When I would attempt to earn your favor by my achievements, forgetting that I did not choose you, but it is you who chose me, R

 

When scandalized by my own selfishness and self-assertion, R

 

When the oppressive nihilism of life makes me ignore or reduce the desires of my heart that lead me to you, R

 

When independence or self-sufficiency make me resist the companionship with others through which you will to give me your friendship and tenderness, R

 

Whenever I treat my preconceptions like idols that drain my life of wonder and simplicity, R

 

When the evidence of all that is wrong with my life leads me to become paralyzed, indifferent, or lax, R

 

When I get preoccupied with all my self-justifications try to convince myself that I am lovable, R

 

When I would rather live my life in a safe and sheltered way instead of living my life as a risk, putting your will first in all things, R

 

When the daily inner rebellion makes me cynical and negative about what really matters most, R

 

When my misgivings keep me from receiving the fresh embrace of love you offer me every moment, R

 

~ Our Father…

 

Wake up and smell the coffee folks!

This is probably the best piece I have read on the Fr. Maciel/Legionairies of Christ/Regnum Christi Movement that I have read so far. There is no escaping the real problem of staying with, or even keeping alive, this 'Movement'. Hey, that very word gets freaky after you say it enough. I got this link from my friend, Sara, who is a newly minted Regnum Christi member, who may be newly exiting the 'Movement' soon. First, she feels God has her where He wants her...to make a difference to those entrenched and need help sorting this mess out...my prayers are with her. 

What frickin mess. 

Peace,

The World Over Interview with Legionary Priests. Worth watching!

After watching these men speak, not only does my heartbreak for them, but I actually feel much better about the future of all the wonderful God fearing folks in LC and RC. This is absolutely worth watching. And I couldn't agree more with Fr. Morris' statements that if we just let Christ show us the way, and follow His guidance, He will take all the pain and suffering and evil and bring about a greater good. God does have a perfect plan here. We have to pray for that plan to be brought to fruition and pray we don't get in His way. 

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Finally, here is today's blog post from Raymond Arroyo's Seen and Unseen addressing this very issue.

Peace~

Very, very funny SNL skits

Oh if I could only close Pandora's Box.

I have been reading, from all sorts of sources, about Fr. Maciel, and I may be changing my tune about LC/RC. It is absolutely filled with wonderful people,to be sure, but Maciel's deliberate leading of a double life suggests real evil and hunger for power which he used the Church and very faithful people to carry out. It is not enough to say, anymore, that he was a saintly man being persecuted. I was reading St. Paul today, 1 Corinthians. He said said some very tough things about immorality in general and went on to talk further about the condemnation one brings upon themselves taking the Eucharist unworthily. Remember, even Christ told us that the Devil parades as an Angel of Light. To all my friends in RC, be prepared for the coming storm. It's going to be bad.

Instead of sticking one's head in the sand, I suggest these various websites to really investigate further the practices of this 'movement's' heirarchy.


Fr. Berg's letter

Parsing Fr. Berg's Letter

Fr. Alvaro's Letter to RC

Something I Missed

Former Consecrated woman of RC

More on Maciel

Maciel, Saul, Judas

Proper Forgiveness

20 Signs of Trouble

ReGain

Finally, I will end with St.Paul. 1 Corinthians 6:15-20

15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."^[b] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

 18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

It is one thing to commit sin and confess and try to do better. We all do that. We have all screwed up. But how truly evil would it be to continue you sin in secrecy. Tell others to keep it secret, and continue to run an organization trying to combat the VERY sins you are willfully committing? To continue in that sin in secrecy, when you are head of an apostolate, and not remove yourself from power,  is beyond scandal. Also remember, if you are Catholic, that we don't believe that a person's sins affect only them, but the whole church. Look at what Maciel's sin is doing to so many. What a travesty!!!

Someone said that LC priests should just become parish priests within their particular diocese and that LC should just be dissovled, as well as RC should be disbanded. I am thinking that may be the best way to go since Maciel had developed such a cult of personality and LC/RC are more synonymous with him than even Christ himself. My 2cents, after my research, which is still ongoing, is to get out of RC if you are in it, while you still can. Oh, and if you have a kid in one of their seminaries, get them out! If they really have a vocation to the priesthood or the religious life, they will find it at any of the other tried and true Orders. 

I know this post may make some angry. However, it's only intent is to make one think.

Peace,

Should have won Best Album of the Year.

Whoever came up with the idea of having a marching band play 15 STEP was a genius. It highlights Radiohead's brilliance. Wish I coulda been there to hear it for myself. I bet it was awesome.

Regnum Christi

I just want to say how heartbroken I am for all my friends in Regnum Christi and for the priests of Legionaries of Christ. I am not a member, but have been involved with FAMILIA (which is an RC apostolate) and loved every second of it. I know this is going to be a tough time for all those involved in the movement. All I can say is don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The bathwater being Fr. Maciel. The baby being all the good that has come from LC and RC. As Catholics our sin doesn't only affect us personally, but affects us communally. So, there will be pain and suffering for LC and RC as all the details come out and they are inevitably raked over the coals. However, the Deciever LOVES this kind of thing. He loves to set up a leader to fall bigtime and then scatter all the good work that leader may have done, in spite of his sins. We are all imperfect. Like Christ said, "Those among you without sin cast the first stone."  This doesn't mean we turn a blind eye to the alleged double life of Fr. Maciel. However, if Christ's kingdom has been advanced and families have more peace and love in them, and life is held more sacred, then maybe, Regnum Christi should be able to continue...beaten and battered...but possibly more anchored in Christ and stronger for the road ahead. 

I am a convert to Catholicism. I was called to the Church during the terrible sex-scandals. I was thinking."What? Why on earth now?" But the Church of Christ has to be stronger and more meaningful than the sinners it is comprised of. If we were all so wonderful and perfect, then why would we need Her in the first place. 

Peace,

Support for Unschooling in the strangest places.

I want to encourage all unschoolers, whatever their religious ilk, to read Called Out of Darkness by Anne Rice. It is her spiritual memoir. However, she spends alot of time on how she was educated and she feels very strongly that school was not the place that her education truly occurred. She referred to school, in the book, as a prison. She talks, at length, about how she was not a reader, and actually struggled with reading most of her life. However, she took in the most valuable information she ever received through the myriad sensous experiences in life: stained glass windows and statues at church, conversations with her mother, stories told by teachers and friends, poetry, art, music, films, radio shows etc...

As a Catholic convert, I picked up the book to read about her re-version to Catholicism. I also love her novels and was curious as to whether Called Out of Darkness would cover her writing history. The book doesn't disappoint on either of those counts. However, I was overwhelmingly surprised, and quite vindicated, to read that as famous and voluminous an author as she is, she was never really a reader, and when she finally did tackle reading novels, it came to her late. One doesn't need to be a reader to be a writer. I loved that she found school a waste of her precious time, and truly believes she learned little there. I really encourage all homeschoolers and especially unschoolers to read this book. It is quite illuminating on all sorts of levels.

Peace,

At long last she returns!

Hi all my buddies out there. I have been very lengthily distracted by finding old friends on Facebook. It has been SOOOOO COOL getting back in touch with all the people I have come across. It has been really interesting how re-connecting with certain people can give one a new perspective on how things really were all those years ago, or even how we were all thinking similar or vastly different things. 

The other big thing I noticed was how my memories of the past came sliding in to focus like an avalanche. All of a sudden people from other times and places came charging into my head and I felt I just HAD to track them down too. It made me realize how the different paths in our lives take us in such divergent directions, but all the while we never intended to lose touch, yet somehow did. 

Oops, I gotta go pick up Ben. But I wanted to encourage any of my friends out here in blogland or yahoogroups to get on Facebook. It is sooo fun putting a name to a face. 

Gotta run!

Peace