I finally figured out how to put pictures on my blog!

Here is a good one of me with Autumn at the 25th Jubilee of our parish.

Things I have learned about myself regarding homeschooling

Okay, so last night I couldn't sleep. I got this horrible cold going around. So, I prayed, offered up my suffering for my husband (who life at work has really sucked lately) and started thinking about things I have learned about homeschooling after having been at it for over 10 years.

1) I am drawn to curricula. I find it fascinating. I even like to buy it. However, in all reality it barely, if ever, gets used. There is saying someone told me comes from AA that goes "insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again but expecting different results". Clearly, I have been insane many times over the past decade buying curricula that I thought my kids would like to use, but they didn't. Because no matter how pretty it looked from the outside, or how well laid out it seemed on the inside, it was still contrived lesson plans that someone thought my kids should know. Well, the kids DIDN'T want to know it. Not then, and/or not in that way, so it unded up being a waste of money. Today, I say goodbye to that. Good, real books, cool reference materials, neato toys and projects; those will be the things I will spend money on from here on out.

2) I really LOATHE the institution of school. The more I read about the history of compulsory schooling the more the very thought of it just makes me want to hurl. When I think about how historically UNNATURAL it is to have little kids sitting around all day, at a desk, and told what to do, where to go, when to go, how to do things, what to think, the social bullying and general cruelty of (schooled) kids.... UGH!!!!...all I can think about is PRISON. I really cannot stand schooling. It goes against the very gift that God gave us; the gift of free will. I mean where do people make the connection that somehow being in school helps one to form their free will? If anything going to school ends up turning people in sheeple.

3) I love unschooling but get really mad that some who take this same approach think that unschooling is synonymous with "un"parenting. That whole TCS (Taking Children Seriously) crowd are a bunch of wackos. (I can say that it's my blog). Of course, we should take our kids seriously, but not the extent to which some of the more idealistic TCSers do that is patently ridiculous and downright dangerous to kids. Conversely, I resent those who think that because I am an Unschooler that it implies I let my kids do whatever they want...and call my dedication to my faith into question. Heck, I can't even do whatever I want, so I know they aren't. There is a difference between mindfully parenting (which I do) and learning (which we all do).

My kids are allowed to learn the way that they want, but they have chores, responsibilities, expectations for good behavior etc (which my dh and I better be modeling for them first!) . The Bible and Catechism are remarkable silent in expressing a method of education. They both state that it is the job of parents to raise their kids in the faith and that we are their primary teachers (if you will). The Bible states that we are not to exasperate our children. Man, how many kids are beyond exasperation with school, yet we keep making them go?

Most modern Catholic schools teach exactly the way our Prussian based public schools teach, they just add Religion, Mass and Prayer. I don't think that is necessarily a better alternative. Not when you finally learn that breaking things into subjects and starting kids in formal academic learning (that they have not asked for or chosen) is actually an impediment to real learning...and an encouragement to "learning disabilities". I would rather have unschooling, Mass, prayer, Adoration etc... At least, then, my kids are living the faith withing the context of life and not school. When faith is another subject at school, it runs the very real risk of becoming just that, another subject to get through with. I never want my kids to view the most important thing in life (their faith) like that.

4) I am really bugged by people asking my daughter what she learned today regarding homeschooling. Most people can't think outside the box enough (thanks, school) to try and really understand unschooling. It makes so many so very uncomfortable. So, they ask what did you learn today. What is that about? When I ask my highschooler (his choice to go ,not mine) what he did in school, rarely does it have to do with any academic subject. When I ask Ben about school he's virtually nonresponsive. And most kids are. You ask kids who go to school about what they did or what they learned and alot of them just shrug their shoulders. Surprisingly, no one takes much notice. They assume (and rightly so) that the kids are exhausted and just want to go home and play or veg in front of TV. BUT, when my daughter is asked about what she is doing or learning, as a homeschooler, she (and I) are judged far more harshly than her "schooled" peers and their parents. The time has come for that to stop.

5) All this being said, I really want my son out of his special needs public school setting. Yes, he can drive me completely mad, but he's my boy. I am so sick of the school administration treating me like a second class citizen. Like they know what is best for my Ben. I am sick of having to lie (to prevent a social worker from sending a nasty truency letter) everytime I want to take Ben on some homeschooling field trip that his sisters group may attend. I'm sick of having to talk Ben into going to school everyday, when he doesn't want to. He's there because last January, after homeschooling him (but trying, for dh's sake, to be more structured) things didn't work out and then Ben just became mentally unstable, so we all needed a break from each other. However, I realize now that I need to be more firm in my stand regarding unschooling both Autumn AND Ben ( for I have seen how it works in my 18 year old highschool senior). I have to stop vascillating for the sake of others and stick to my convictions. (Again, thank you school for undermining my confidence in myself and giving me that never ending need to get approval by those who are so-called "experts:!) The truth is I am not the "school at home" type of homeschooler, and neither are my kids...and that is just that. Time to accept it and move on. By fighting my convictions for the sake of others I just go crazy, the kids become little monsters, and I waste alot of money.

Okay, so my self reflective rant is over, for now.

Hopefully, I will get to take a nap today.

I Heart Huckabee

Today I added a Mike Huckabee blog sticker.
Even though (and Ron Paul does seem pretty darn cool) Mike Huckabee is the real deal conservative I have ended up rooting for. I have checked his record and he's never wavered or flip/flopped. I love that he says his Christian faith doesn't influence his decisions, it DRIVES them. If only the other Republicans could be like Mike Huckabee. Mike makes pretty much most of them look like screaming Liberals. Oh, if he could only lay waste to Mitt, Rudy and John (flippin' Centrists that they are) snag the nomination, and then win the election this Country might snap back to reality or better: morality. God forbid we end up with Hilary! Oh Nooooooo!!

Check Mike out by clicking on the banner top right.

Rach

My Baby is EIGHTEEN!

Okay, today is my first baby's birthday. My Andrew is 18 years old! What the heck happened? Where *did* the time go? It really seems like it's was just little while ago and he was in my arms, nursing sleepily while I rocked him. I would kiss his little head over and over wondering what he might be like when he was 4 or 11 or 16. Now, according to the powers that be, Andrew is an adult man.

He came into my life in a way that most would not prefer. I was single...a young woman, not even really involved with the young man who helped to co-create Andrew. Anyway, there I was...22...a Christian (ha! right!)....and pregnant. Well, at the very least (and, to me now, the most important aspect) in my walk with Christ, I knew that the baby I was carrying was a gift to this world, a precious individual who had every right to life, as we all do. So, I went and told my parents and my younger brother (as I still lived at home...thank you, GOD!) about the newest addition that would be joining our family. They all took it really well. Providentially, I had a loving non-judgemental mother and have a loving, albeit nutty, non-judgemental father and brother.

So the months passed, the male half of Andrew's DNA along with his mom, offered to pay me to "get rid of it". My family up north tried, in there intellectual way, to persuade me not to go through with "this" as I was young and had my whole life ahead of me. Praise be the Lord Jesus Christ that I didn't listen or entertain their ideas for MY baby. Then there were some close to me, not my parents or brother, that suggested adoption. Nice idea. One that is amazingly selfless, but I was too selfish...and I am thankful that I was so selfish in this instance. No, this baby was my gift. I had screwed up. Thrown my sexuality around in a way that is not of God, but God says He works all things for good to those that love Him. So, I trusted in His promise that this would be good.

So, on to his birth. It wasn't what I hoped for or wanted. I wanted natural. I got an emergency C-section (the kind they knock you out for). I didn't see my sweet boy until the day after he was born. I had no name. I wanted to see my child first. I didn't know if he was a boy or a girl before he was born. I remember coming to and hearing my mom say, "Rachie, you have a little boy." and then I went back to sleep. When I really got to see him and meet him, I fell in love in a way that is utterly unspeakable. There are no words. However, it did hit me like a ton of bricks....that there were others in my same situation that did not give their babies a chance to live. I cried so hard as I hugged him close. I cried for all the babies that never got a chance to be born, I cried for all the mothers who, for whatever reason, erased their own preborn children. I cried, most of all, in sincere thankfulness and gratitude that God's perfect love for me, and my imperfect love for Him, had prevented me from assigning my sweet, sweet son to a horrible fate. I cried because I was so loved by God to have received such a priceless gift...this boy. Mom and I kept calling out names to each other and all of a sudden, I looked at my angelic boy and said, "Andrew, he is defintely my Andrew." The years went on and Andy grew. His Grandparents adored him, my brother adored him. I adored him. He was nursed and attachment parented and unschooled. God found him a Daddy and me a husband. By the age of 6 Andrew had a family and a little brother on the way.

Andrew has been through so much. We moved from West Palm Beach to Atlanta when he was 5. It was the first time he was away from my parents, who we had lived with (I was a single-stay at home mom) and it was so hard. But we were embarking on a mission from God...that of a family. Robert asked me to marry him and asked Andrew to be his son and if he (Robert) could be his (Andy's ) dad...we all said yes. Andrew was our ringbearer. He looked so handsome in his tux.

Then next big event was a baby brother,Ben, and then legally becoming Robert's first son. Andy's brother, Ben, would grow up to have many issues to be sorted out. Andrew was a fabulous big brother through it all...and still is. Then, Andy would get a baby sister, Autumn. He loved both of them as babies and toddlers (now, it might be a different story. LOL). Finally, my parents were moving here to be near their babies (not my brother or me!)but my kids!! Shortly after Mother's Day 2000 we got the horrible news that Mima (what the kids called my mom) had Colon cancer. Just a month later I would be in a horrible car accident with Autumn (she would be okay, but I would end up in life long pain) on the way to the hospital for my mom's first surgery. Afterward, we would find out that the cancer had metasticized and Mima wouldn't have long. Andrew ADORED my mother. When I had to tell him that Mima was dying I don't know if my heart broke more over the fact that my precious mom was dying or that my sweet 10 year old boy was utterly devastated. Only five months later I would come home, late at night, to tell my sweet boy that his beloved Mima was gone to God and we would hold each other and cry a long time. At her burial, Andrew would not leave until the very last grain of dirt was spread over her grave.

Huge changes were now on the horizon, around the time Andrew was 13 I would feel called to become Catholic (and that is a whole 'nother story!). Andrew was already a professed Christian, and had been baptised at 2 months old, but I wanted him to make the choice for Catholicism, not me, especially since he was old enough to do so. I took him to Mass, he saw Christ on the Crucifix, he touched the Holy Water, found out that Jesus was really present in the Eucharist and decided that he wanted to be Catholic. So, a few months after I was received into the Church, Andrew came in, through RCIC on April 10th 2004. Praise God, again!

After being homeschooled, and mostly unschooled at that, Andy decided to try public highschool. Well, he ended up really liking it and has done particulary well in his favorite field, film/video making. He made friends, became a drummer, and formed a band. The lead singer of which is presently lying in an ICU unit after a terrible car accident. Andrew, ever the wonderful person he is, continues to visit the hospital to let Will's family know that he is there. Andrew is still best friends with his oldest homeschooling friend from Florida, Trevor (they met when they were 3 and 4 respectively).

Then there is Claire, whom he met when he was 5 and she was 4.

They are still as close as ever. Claire was Andrew's first friend in Atlanta. They met when we were moving into our first house.(Actually, both families are very close and we even go to the same parish.) The bottom line is that Andrew is a great friend. I am so proud of him for that. I guess if there is something good Andrew has learned from me is the importance of family and friend relationsips. Andrew knows and lives out his belief in God, and friends are complete gifts from God, and Andrew treasures his friends.

So here I find myself, the mother of a highschool senior, an 18 year old man. He could get married, fight for our country, vote, buy a home, get a credit card so much stuff. Where did my little Cheetah boy go. He is so funny, smart, handsome, faithful, loyal, honest, caring, understanding, respectful. I have no doubt he will be a wonderful father, loving husband. The kind of guy you can count on to do the right thing. A man who will always have your back...and be there when you need him. He is a complete gift to me, his dad, his siblings, his friends, this world. I am so glad he is here. I am so happy he is mine. I am so proud of the man he is becoming. Thank you, God, for my Andrew. I love him so much!!!

Lord,
Bless Andrew all the days of his life, keep him faithful to you and keep him safe. Amen.

It was 7 years ago today...

... that my amazing, wonderful, funny, loving, caring, smart mom passed into the arms of Jesus. It was just weeks before she would turn 54 on November 1st 2000. In the picture above, we are at Autumn's Baptism (this was prior to my becoming Catholic, so it took place in my Presbyterian church) it was on Mother's Day, May 14th 2000. Thank God, it was a wonderful Mother's Day and we all had such a great time together. Because, just a few days later, Mom would find out she had cancer. And 5 short months later she would be gone.

From left to right is Ben, my Mom, Autumn, my Dad, Andrew in front, and me. Robert was taking the picture.

I have no idea if Mom's stint in purgatory was short or nonexistent, but I believe she is with her Lord. Mom wasn't Catholic. At the time of her passing, neither was I. However, the whole family was devout Evangelical Christians. And, yes, at the time I believed in the "Assurance of Salvation"; but I know believing in it doesn't make it so. However, Mom suffered so horribly the 5 months between her diagnosis of cancer and her death that I think she may have zipped right through her purgatorial fire. During those 5 horrible months Mom had quite the firey gauntlet to run in order to get to Christ's arms. She did love him so much.

Mom didn't know about Redemptive suffering. However, her suffering sure redeemed me. I was alread a Christian, but seeing her faith in Jesus through her final months, only made me realize the truth of the God I serve. (Granted I was really mad at Him for a while after Mom went to Him, so I gave Him up that Lent ...and I didn't even celebrate Lent.)

Anyway, I believe it was my Mom's prayers from Heaven that brought me to the Catholic Church. I was raised in churches that believed the Catholic Church is a cult. I would never have thought to step foot in one had I not been nudged. And just like Mary leads us to her Son...my mother always lead me to Jesus (because we didn't know we had Mary). So, after death, in her Heavenly life, my mom realized that she needed me to know the full Christian truth of Catholicism. So, out of nowhere I felt this need to go to a Mass...the rest is history.

Thank you, Mom, for the greatest gift you have given me, beside my life, my faith. I love you and I miss you so much.

Love,
Your Rachie

Mom's final resting spot in the mountains of North Georgia where she loved to visit.

Feast of St. Francis

Sanctify yourself and you will sanctify society.
– St. Francis of Assisi

I really don't have a ton to write in regard to St. Francis, I just really love the above quote. It's the "it all begins with me" philosophy. Nothing is going to get better unless I start with me first. And, Oh, there is much to sanctify in the way of me!!!


I had a really nice day. I took the book I Believe In Love which is about St. Therese and her Little Way theology to a wonderful friend, Sara, as a birthday gift. We were talking about all sorts of stuff, unschooling being one of our main topics. I told her that after Autumn and I had gone to Adoration, this morning, that Autumn asked me to read a little coloring book she has about St. Therese. It is a really sweet little book, with really pretty pictures to color, not schlocky made-for-kids-type of illustrations. Anyway, in one part of the book it talked about how Therese saw herself as a little flower in God's garden of souls. She thought that there were grand and tall souls like lili's and little souls like violets. I said to Sara, that we I need to think that same way in terms of who my children are and how they learn. That when you know what kind of flower you have you tend to it properly. Some prefer to be left mostly to themselves and flourish;
others wilt and virtually die if little attention is paid to them.

So, to me, just like there are those with big souls like Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II, there are those with little souls...like me. We all need to pray and ask God continually if He will give us the grace to know His will for OUR lives and that He will give us the grace to live out his Will. The same goes for our kids. I want them to grow up and follow God's will for their lives... not mine. One may want and need me to be more hands on...another may want and need me to be more hands off...but I need to remember that neither is better than the other...just different.
And there is nothing wrong with that.

Always behind

You know, you'd think I would have all this down by now. I am, afterall, 41 years old. But NO! I am sitting here posting on my blog about what a procrastinator I am. I have to be at a different parish than mine in 30 minutes with a 2 hour lesson, with crafts, on Reptiles. I live with an amateur herpetologist (our 17 year old, Andrew). He's the one who unschooled himself in all things REPTILE by watching hours of Animal Planet and Discovery Channel. Did I ask him? No. Anyway, I'm praying this morning goes well. Why oh why did I the non-lesson-planner-shoot-from-the-hip-kinda-gal agree to do this! Grrrrr!

Hall & Oates

Okay, I hated these guys in the 80's, but I think the following was a cover they did (or maybe it was their song) either way it seems to fit an aspect of my life:

You've lost that lovin' feelin'!
Whoa that lovin' feelin,
You've lost that lovin' feelin'!
Now it's gone, gone, gone!
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, I guess it can't last forever? :-(

G'nite

Friday I'm In Love

I just wanted to say thank you to Robert Smith of The Cure. I had been trying to get the whole days of the week thing through to my unschooled kids who, seemingly, have no sense of time except for Saturdays and Sundays (which mean vigil or regular Mass) and Monday which means school for 2 of my 3 kids. But the rest of the week just melds together. Oh, but not anymore, because Autumn and Ben have been listening to The Cure Galore cd in my car; and they love Friday I'm in Love. The lyrics repeat themselves alot but here's one stanza:

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday's too
Thursday's I don't care about you;
It's Friday I'm in Love.
Saturday...wait,
Sunday always comes to late,
but Friday never hesitates.

All of that is put to the catchy new wave stylings of The Cure (a favorite band of mine) and you have yourself a way to teach the days of the week painlessly and fun.
Take that worksheets!!

Beautiful Day

Okay, so today is AWESOME! I love Fall (obviously, my daughter's name is Autumn), but, man, when it kicks in there is nothing better. Atlanta is a pretty city, as are it's suburbs, one in which I happen to reside. There are so many trees and garden-y type things here. It is so lush with foliage. So, seeing a few trees with tips of red or gold just gives me tingles. Then there is the weather. The kind that had me just cuddling my hubby this morning with no real urge to leave bed. (And yes, it was G rated cuddling...the door was open and the kids were going in and out...so, alas, just G rated cuddling.) It was in the high 50's when we woke up and, now at 3:45pm is about 74. It is clear, sunny, breezy and wonderful. Thank you God for Autumn!!!

After cuddle time I took Ben and Autumn to the park to play tennis. They are so into it now. At least, if my dad isn't going to be an active grampa and only show up every 4 years (like last week) he did have a great time with the kids and introduced them to a sport they seem to really love. Funny, if Dad could have been more unschoolish with me, maybe I wouldn't have grown up hating tennis. I don't hate it anymore. But, because Dad had Chrissy Evert aspirations for me, which I did NOT have for myself, I spent more time throwing rackets at him over the net, than figuring out if I really liked the game. It's the same ole' story of being introduced to something in a "see if you like this because I love it sort of way" or "because I love this I am going to make you like it by forcing you to get involved". The latter always turns people off. Ever notice that?

So I just watched a really good movie titled "Catch and Release" with Jennifer Garner and Kevin Smith. Robert watched it with me. It was a great little ensemble piece involving love, loss and finding out who people really are. Of course, it took 3 hours to watch a film that was barely 2 hours long. It seems Ben and Autumn can't be without Robert or me for much time at all. Sweet, but annoying. They had me all to themselves for 2 hours playing tennis earlier. Give mama a break, please!!

Well, I am sitting here at my pc as the breeze blows across my arms. So, I think God is trying to lure me back outside. Maybe it's time for a late afternoon coffee on the deck as I watch the kids scream and chase each other around the house.

Reading a great book.

I am reading a great book. It's a book I have always wanted to read and just got the chance (because a great pal of mine loaned it to me). It is For The Children's Sake (aka:FTCS)by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. This is the daughter of the great Christian (protestant) apologist Francis Schaeffer. He is the one who wrote The Christian Manifesto and The Mark of A Christian...both great books (from my Evangelical days). Anyway, back to FTCS; it is a book based on the ideas and educational theories of Charlotte Mason. Though there maybe things about the execution of her philosophy that wouldn't necessarily work for unschoolers, her philosophy regarding the personhood of a child fits right in with Pope John Paul's teaching in his profound Theology of the Body where he writes about the dignity of each human person. Miss Mason's feelings about children also are in line with much of what John Holt was trying to tell the world about children...that they are people who have needs and rights and shouldn't be treated as just adult's possesions. If you want to know more about Charlotte Mason click on the title of this post and it will take you to more info.

Kids are people to be loved and respected in their own right because they are persons created by God. They are not blobs of playdoh we get to play with and mold just the way we want. Maybe God has other plans for our kids that we should ask him about before we set them on the path to physicianhood or lawyerhood??? Our children, like us and all those who came before, are individual people with their own bodies, minds and souls. As parents we are supposed to help our children to adulthood, but there is nothing that says we are supposed to "decide" their adulthood.

I have made so many mistakes by my kids because I have not trusted them, or worse, I let people talk me into not trusting them. The idea that kids can't be trusted with their own learning is so pervasive that it is hard to forge a different path. But I think I have to see my way through this morass the same way that I, as one trying to live an authentic Catholic life, would do my best not to fall into the trap of Cafeteria Catholicism. Just because everybody is doing it (or not doing it) doesn't make it right. Compulsory, institutionalized school from preschool through 12th grade is very new on the historical map, having been around only 150ish years. Someday, God forbid, abortion will have been around that long. Will it mean that abortion is credible, right and true? NO!! SO, neither is school.

When I counted up my demons,

Saw there was one for everyday,
With the good ones on my shoulder,
I drove the other ones away.
-Coldplay

I have decided to use my blog more as a way of working stuff out rather than journal events (at least for a little while). I have worked so hard to suppress the unschooler in me, mostly to make others happy, that I have never just put down on paper why I feel the way I do. In other words, it's time to drive the demons away.

So, this whole blog thing was started as a way for my kids to see what was in their mom's head, I can't think of a better use than for me to try and say what it is I believe regarding learning.

So kids, I hope you find this illuminating because this is the stuff I have and will continue to grapple with as long as you are living under my roof (and will probably obsess about after you're out on you own). Just know that I love you all and always tried to do what I thought was best.

Awesome email from Sara

This letter is from a friend of mine, Sara, who is also a Catholic unschooler. She wrote this piece in defense of me (so to speak) regarding the mutual friend, Lisa whom I addressed in the previous post. Lisa is the friend who doesn't quite get the unschooling philosophy. Her daughter goes to a Catholic schoo. However, Lisa and her husband and daughter, Morgan, are wonderful friends. Anyway, I loved, Sara's response to both Lisa and I so much I asked if I could reprint it here.

Dear Lisa & Rach,

I think that the truest and best form of discipleship shows itself when we, as sisters in Christ, are available to each other. I absolutely love that we are such good friends as to be there for each other to watch each others children, to "watch out" for each other's children.

My contribution to the "discipline-academics" discussion is this: prayer. Ideally, children are taught their faith, their habits and customs from the perfect example of their parents (as primary educators) and other mentors (pastor, teachers, older children). If you read the long version of the above Gospel, there are holes in it. For example, the landowner told his steward to prepare an accounting because he was being fired. Monsignor (yesterday) pointed out how imperfect this was. I was thinking how imperfect of a landowner I am, at times. Other times, I am the imperfect steward. So, we come to the conclusion that we are utterly dependent on God and the graces He bestows. We tend toward lives of dissipation, but He lifts us up and gives us the grace to transform ourselves and those around us.

In his homily, Monsignor exhorted all to their primary responsibility: prayer, because then, we can ebb and flow with our families' varied needs. What one family needs at a given time (even a given day) is very different from what another needs. I need more consistency and discipline in my family when it comes to household chores. It is so hard for me to set the perfect example because of my frail body. I am often begging my kids to clean up after themselves. We have some chores put on a schedule, and, others are "catch-as-catch-can". A more structured (and energetic) mother would be a better house manager than I am.

When it comes to academics, I encourage a balance between lessons, house chores and community service particpation. I grew up very disciplined in academics and, as you both know, earned my way into the Ivy League. I graduated from Brown with Honors and earned a full tuition and monthly stipend to Vanderbilt where I complete a Master of Arts degree (and they paid for it!). Yet, and this is a big yet, I was living an immoral life. Discipline in academics does not translate into discipline (read: discipleship) in the moral life. I spent time with the K-12 curriculum last year and it is very, very rigorous. It was too time-consuming for our family, but I am glad we tried it as I think it is a wonderful tool to use sparingly (ie, maybe sign up for one subject here and there, as the need arises). Rachel tried K-12 for free because of this Virtual school which is funded by our tax dollars. I spent hundreds of Jerry's hard-earned salary last year. We both tried and learned and that is a gift for parents -- to try and learn with their children. Lisa, I know you and Morgan will try lots of stuff together. Right now, you are "trying on the shoe" that is an authentic, classical and Catholic school and it is a beautiful fit for lots of families. If, by chance, it does not fit (and, I hope it does) do not think that it is a failure in your loving discipleship. Please see this blog entry I wrote last week: http://thosethatwonder.blogspot.com/

I love you both and love how we are encouraging each other to be the best we can be....as that is definitely God's Will and His Word for each of us....thanks to both of you for sharing your thoughts with me. May God continue to shower us all with His blessings! Love, Sara

Letter to a wonderful and concerned friend

Following is a letter to a really great friend who was wondering why I had quit 2 weeks into using a free virtual academy which utilizes the K12 curriculum. Hey, I know it's not very unschooly of me, but I thought we'd be able to use it more the way we wanted...WRONG! Anyway, this friend of mine was worried that I lacked discipline in teaching and that my daughter lacked discipline in learning. My friend was not judging at all, just concerned. Here is my response:

Lisa,

First, let me say that I totally adore you. And I love that you are concerned. But don't worry, you don't have to be. This k12 thing was new for me. The last time I did a structured curriculum like this was when Andrew was 7, and in first grade. We almost left the planet in a double suicide it was so horrible. :-) I have always been opposite of the type of homeschooler who feels they need to reproduce school at home. I'm the kind that is referred to in homeschooling lingo as an more of an 'unschooler'. Unschoolers take the position that humans were created to learn. It's what we do. As a result, one no more needs a pre-packaged, arbitrarily designed curriculum to learn the "three R's", than one would need a curriculum to teach them how to walk or talk.

Look at infants/toddlers there is no stopping their learning. They literally "live to investigate" the world around them. This never stops for human beings...never. However, people start to assume that kids don't like to learn because around the time kids have been in school a few years, many start to say they don't like school or learning because it's boring. I don't think learning should ever be boring, but let's face it, in school, it can't get boring and seem pointless.

So I ,and thousands of other homeschoolers like me, use our children's interests to help them learn the basics and beyond. Instead of bending my child to be interested in the history of Rome (k12) , at 7 years old, I read to her stories about princesses, because she wants to hear those stories, and she then learns about medieval history. It doesn't matter that she doesn't learn things chronologically in much of any subject except for maybe math, because it builds on itself.

I believe a person's desperate desire to know and to learn is completely different from the idea of education. Learning is what we all do. Education, the way people refer to it, is something that you get or is given to you. It may be semantics but I think it's very true. Everything in school that I truly learned, I learned because I wanted to know it, not because someone was teaching it to me. How do I know? Because there is so much stuff I conveniently forgot from school. I forgot it because I didn't care, it was not useful to me. I might have retained it long enough to regurgitate it on a test, so what, I still did not learn it. So, I want my kids to really learn things. I want them to really love learning things. I want them to know that learning things really isn't hard. Because when you love something so much that you want to know it you *will* do whatever it takes to master that subject.

When you used the word discipline, which has many meanings, the only meaning it has for me is: to train by instruction or exercise (Dictionary.com). Autumn is most definitely disciplined. There are things she is not allowed to do and there are things we, by example (first) and word (second) try and help her understand is the way to go. But as far as academics go, that is mostly up to her and when she is ready, because she will not learn what she doesn't care about or is not ready for. Heck, I won't learn what I don't care about...I never have. You know the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"? Well my saying is, "You can lead a child to schoolwork, but you can't make him think." When it comes to embracing hardships and the tough stuff that inevitably comes with life, I really tend to think it is more faith and discipleship to Christ that gets us through those times, and less discipline. Those things are really lived more than they are taught. I had to live through my mother's death. I didn't take a course on it...know what I mean?

If I were to say that there is something I actually "teach" Autumn, it is about our faith. However, because Autumn sees that being Catholic is a huge thing for our whole family, she WANTS to know about it. She is learning to read now, because she really WANTS to know how to do it. She likes to work on things in her math book because she is interested in math. And she really loves science. So, as an unschooling kind of homeschooler I make sure I have all sorts of stuff around and do things with her that she's really into and then her retention just blows me away.

Below is an excerpt from a note I sent to another K12er doing the Virtual Academy, this is what I wrote to her (maybe it will help explain better where I am coming from):

..... Actually, I am feeling relieved about the Virtual Academy. We are very much relaxed homeschoolers...kinda unschooly, the most formal I get is religious ed. I love CHC stuff for that. Since K12, in all it's advertising stressed the "go at your own pace", I figured we would, since our pace is a turtles pace. :-) However, K12,(as you know) really does have schedules and targeted times for completing the year's work. At the rate Autumn was going it would have been January 2009 by the time we were done. :-) She really LOVES the science tho.

Our oldest, Andrew (now a senior in public high school), was barely formally taught much academically, until he started 9th grade at school. He is not a genius and we didn't do anything special. We just let him guide his own academic education, although we did alot of the guiding of his moral/religious education. Anyway, after the initial cultureshock of 9th grade in public school he has consistently stayed on the honor roll, with no pressure from us. This was a kid who's idea of reading was Calvin and Hobbes and his writing was his own comic book series. I never tested him, I never graded him, I didn't 'make him do school'. He did have chores, and church etc...but his education was his own. I helped facilitate it, not force it.

Now he is taking college level English and is great at math, though he doesn't like math. He loves economics, history, and literature...though he still doesn't read for pleasure. He has excelled in the media/film department (which will be his major in college...so it makes sense). For us, and it doesn't work for everyone, we started to realize (early on) that the more I tried to teach things to Andrew (ie: coerce him to learn some arbitrary subject) the less he was interested in learning anything, but the more he pursued knowledge for it's own sake ( because he was interested or passionate about a subject) the more he learned. Learning things had to be Andrew's choice or it just bounced out of his head. Highschool was Andrew's choice, not ours. So, since he chose it, he realized he needed to do well, for himself, and no one else. Anyway, that is a brief synopsis of how we homeschool. It is mostly child-led. And to be perfectly honest, even most grown ups don't like being taught something unless they have first chosen to learn it.

I read to Autumn and Ben all the time, right now they are into Spiderwyck. I read to Andrew as well, long after he knew how to read. We have lots of discussions about things as family. Just through growing up and wanting to do what grown ups do, did Andrew (as Autumn and Ben are now) learn the things they need to know to be grown ups in the world. No one's education is perfect, everyone has holes. To instill a lifetime love of learning is what I want my kids to have....whether we use a curriculum or just life.....

So, my sweet adorable friend, Autumn's gonna be fine and I'm gonna be fine. You and I both know that life throws enough shit at us that God will be given the opportunity to mold us to His will....if we let Him. That is the most important thing I could ever possibly teach my children: to be faithful to Christ and His Church and to strive always to do His Will. I want Heaven not Harvard for my kids. And if you think about it God molds us to His will lovingly and when we are ready. How long did He want me to be Catholic? How long He waited. But God gave me the time I needed to figure it out...and that is that same thing I am doing for my kids.

Thank you for loving me the way you do. I love you too!!! See ya tomorrow when you pick up Tumnal.

Love,
Rach

A great day.

Saturday ended up being quite serendipitous (one of my friends favorite words). We woke up and Andrew had to head out to a Fencing tournament. This the morning after the night of his life...going to see and end up meeting Interpol. So, he was a tired Andy. Robert took him to the school where the tournament was.

I took Ben and Autumn, who have suddenly become enamoured of rocks (due to a recent visit by my Dad...long story), out for an adventure. So, my Dad had given them each some money. So, Ben promptly bought some Bionicles. He's into them again and playing with them again...and I am totally cool with him ACTUALLY playing with his toys...so it's all good. Autumn, who is really into me reading her the Spiderwyck Chronicles wanted the Field Guide.

So, we went to Borders and Autumn bought the Field Guide (which is really neat) and herself a hot chocolate at the cafe there. It was VERY CUTE watching her pay for her hot chocolate and then suck down the mound of whipped cream and chocolate bits which the gal behind the counter had loaded on top for her. Ben got a Mad Libs (a painless way to teach adjectives, nouns, adverbs, verbs etc...) and I got them, to share, a little DK guide to Rocks and Minerals.

Then we went to the nature center. It was a little warmer than it's been, but not so terrible. So we hung around in the butterfly garden. I was taking pictures of different butterflies on the flowers. Autumn was desperately trying to catch one, and Ben was not complaining...which is great. We had hit the gift shop first, and they had each bought different stones...so the "need to buy" compulsion had been assuaged. Then we went and saw the beaver who was adorable paddling around his pond. From there we went to get cooled off in the indoor area with the snakes and stuff. We caught the last of a presentation about Red Tailed Hawks and the guide was holding one. We got a great pic of him. Then another guide came out with a corn snake and the kids got to touch it. Ben raised his hand and had great comments to make like, "I know how you can tell when a snake is about to shed. It's eyes turn blue." The lady with the snake was impressed with his knowledge and it was obvious Ben was feeling proud. I felt proud of him too.

The coolest thing by far though, was, on our way out, we noticed the little Screech Owl. They are so cute and spooky at the same time. Well, he had a dead rat in the bottom of his cage. When Autumn pressed her face to the glass he must have worried she was after his lunch. So, he swooped down and grabbed the mouse with his feet and dragged it to the corner. From there he proceeded to rip of the mouses head and ate it, followed by an arm, then the other arm, then it's insides. Finally, after eating all those pieces seperately, the owl picked up the bottom half of the mouse, kind of threw it in the air a bit and grabbed it so that it looked as if it has swallowed the first half of the mouse whol and just it's butt/tail/legs were dangling out. Then it choked down (that is what it looked like) the entire bottom half of the mouse in about 6 gulps. It was totally freaky and totally awesome. Ben and Autumn were completely enthralled and grossed out at the same time. I filmed the owl when it ate the mouse's head. I will try to post it later.

The fun continued when the kids went to hang out with friends of theirs, and we got to hang out with some friends of ours. The best part is that the older teens were in charge of the little kids, so the grown ups went and hung out without them. YEAH! A win-win for everyone.

It's a day like Saturday was that makes me just so completely convinced of unschooling. I followed the kids' lead all day and things unfolded so nicely. They learned all sorts of things...asked all sorts of question.

What am I doing up?

Okay, so it's 2:30am EST and I have to be up by 7:15am. Andy has a Fencing tournament tomorrow. Now that he is CAPTAIN (feel the maternal pride swelling?) I gotta make sure I get him there on time.

BTW, my little Andy will be toast in the morning. He just has the peak experience of his 17 years, on this planet, and it was seeing in concert, and then MEETING, his favorite band: Interpol.

I was so excited for him when he got home and showed me the CD with all their signatures. He talked to Sam Fogarino a bit, their drummer, and got a pic with him. Now all I have to do is get him to meet Stewart Copeland and his drummer mentor list would be complete.

When I got home tonite from all my chauffeuring kids and participating in said kids' activities, I read a little Spiderwyck to Autumn and zonked out. Then, about 2 hours later (11:30pm ish) I woke up....as if from a nap. Now I am WIDE AWAKE!! I gotta get up in 4.5 hours. I am so glad it is a Saturday coz I will be taking a nap at somepoint.

Since I was awake I finished Homeschooling With Gentleness; A Catholic Discovers Unschooling by Suzie Andres. WOW!!!! I LOVED IT!!! I am a John Holt fan from way back, and nothing she said about "unschooling" was new to me, but to put it in a Catholic context was simply wonderful. I have to thank my friend, Sara, for suggesting to me that I reread it (as she recently did) so that she could talk about it with someone. Of course, Sara, was just doing God's will, unbeknownst to her very sweet self. Because I had gotten myself into, YET AGAIN, a situation that was destined to blow up in my face ...it was only a matter of when. I had signed Autumn up to try a virtual academy that uses K12. OY VAY! It was really cool, but oh so structured and oh so not what Autumn is into. God needed to remind me that I need to trust my children to learn because that is the way He created human beings to be....and by not trusting them, I am not trusting God. Again me and my lack of trust.

Not to lay this at my Sweetheart's feet, but there are so many times I think that I would have been happily unschooling all along, this whole time, had he just trusted the process too...had he just backed me up and supported me, instead of second guessing me so often. Admittedly, the biggest reason I have for jumping on the curriculum train is that he wants to see results. (Thanks Marine Corp Dad-in-Law!!!). Anyway, EVERY SINGLE TIME I spend dedicated time in prayer (alone and before the Blessed Sacrament) God calls me back to unschooling-Catholic-style. What I find hysterically ironic is that here I am wondering why it's taking my 2 youngest kids longer to read than their brother...or many other kids their age, when it has taken God over TEN YEARS to get it through my thick skull that he wants me to Trust Him that He created my children to learn....and they will do so when they are ready...not necessarily when I am ready. God has been waiting, quite lovingly and patiently, for me to learn this lesson. Why I am not giving my kids that same grace.

Dear God, Help me to trust in You. Help me to trust in the abilities that You have given my children. Remind me that what my children need to learn and know more than anything else in the world is that Jesus is the Truth, the Way, and the Life and that no one comes to You but by Him; and that there is nothing better than to love, and be loved by, You. In Jesus' name, Amen

A little happiness

Oh, I forgot, through all my cyberwhining, one thing that is bringing me such happiness. It is Harry Potter. Some may think, quite mistakenly, that it's a book series just for kids...but, oh no, it is not. As Harry gets older and matures so do the themes in the books. I am rereading #4 right now and having a great time. I love the way I get taken away to a completely different world , it is such perfect escapism. Sure, there are more adult books out there, but ya know, except for fun stuff like ChickLit, I don't need to be dragged into someone else's dysfunctional life. I already have one of my own...thanks! So, HP really fits the bill . And to think the Order of the Phoenix film will be out soon, and the final book too. July should prove to be a fun month.

R

If I hear,"Mom!" one more time I'll....

S C R E A M!

I know I must sound like an ungrateful b*tch, but I give and give and give and the kids take and take and take and I feel like I am going to explode. Thank God for blogs!

Okay, I feel better now!

R

Nothin' Doin'

Okay, so I love the idea of Summer break. (Though I truly loathe Summer.) No schools to get up and take kids to, no homeschooling to do with Autumn. So the theory is great, but the practice SUCKS!

First, and I will whine a little here...I hate Summer. I am not one for heat and humidity. My idea of the perfect vacation would be roughing it in the alps with Bear Grylls. ;-) I do not look at posters of Hawaii and swoon. I have been there done that and I'm done.

Second, my kids absoutely SUCK at entertaining themselves...with the exception of Andrew. What the heck? I was happy to do my own thing without interference as a kid and a teen. I know all the books I encourage folks to read, regarding parenting, talk about playing with your kids, but sometimes that can be...well...boring. Especially, when the ideal parenting play time is me playing some mindnumbing video game. I LOATHE video games. Ugh!!!! However, with the exception of Andrew , who is 17 and now seems to really "get" the idea of just "chillaxing" (to coin a phrase of his) , the other two Autumn and Ben need "activities" to do or "people" to see. And I am now feeling like a haggard camp counselor, instead of just a mom, who needs as much a Summer break as the kids.

Third, what is wrong with me that I want them to just figure it out for themselves and leave me the heck alone? I truly love hanging out with Andrew. He's got a great sense of humor and fabulous taste in music (if I do say so myself). Autumn is happy to hear stories read aloud or do art projects. Ben, on the other hand, is unquestionably the toughest one. He can not seem to be happy by himself. He needs someone to watch him play video games (or play them with him). He berates me for not reading to him, however, whenever I offer, he isn't interested then. He wants someone to see or someplace to go almost every second of everyday, and still it doesn't seem enough. And me? Well, just the mother guilt and vastness of Ben's boredom are enough to exhaust me so much psychologically, that I feel physically tired when I wake up in the morning! Ugh!!



John Taylor Gatto, one of my heroes, said in an essay, that he remembered his grandfather telling him that there was never a reason to be bored. You know, if you are bored then find something to do. I could always find something to do, Robert said he could always find something to do. Why do I feel so damn guilty that I don't have my kids' lives planned to the minute during the Summer? Is it really my responsibility to keep them busy and happy? Or if I continue to coddle them will it mean that I will raise adults who can never just be at peace with themselves? If my kids are constantly looking to people, places, and things to fill the inevitable holes that will crop up in their lives , will they ever be in a quiet enough place to let God fill those holes?

~Peace~

Can't finish what I start

Okay, so a TON of stuff has happened since I posted last. All very "blog worthy" things, but I can never seem to find the time to write anything down. Geesh!

April: We adopt a rescued Samoyed who we named Ghost. Ghost turns out to be a Ghost when 3 weeks after owning him we have to return him to the rescue place because he doesn't want to get along with the cats. Meanwhile, said Cats are scared sh*tless and we never saw them for the three weeks Ghost was here. There is a happy ending...Ghost got adopted by a law student and is apparently very happy now. He was an awesome dog! We really did love him. But Milo, Toonces and Ginger were here first.

May: We decide that we really are a "cat house" after all and that if we are going to add another pet, it should be a kitten. Since the others were rescued as older kittens/cats, we figured a baby cat would be a great choice. God worked that out by having me visit Jennifer while her pest control guy was there and his cat had just had kittens. Thus, Ninja, at 8 weeks, (cat #4) had entered our lives. After a couple of weeks he was quite accepted and played with by the boy kitties, but Ginger is still very "talk to the tail" about it all.

June: This month brought the joys of our faith and the sorrows of life right into my house. First, I taught CCD for the week at church. Andrew helped coz Claire was helping. They did a great job. This was the first year teaching that I didn't have Ben or Autumn in my class. Come to think of it, I have never had Autumn. So, it was really nice just being with my co-teacher, Bird, and 10 really great 4th graders. We had such a good time and I think they learned the most important things. At the end of the week we did skits based on the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. It was great!

Then we had a fabulous time with good friends over that weekend. The the sad news that my Grammy had passed away. What broke my heart the most was that she was alone when she died and Dad was supposed to be there. Hmmm, Dad, there's a person worthy of his own post.

Grammy was the grandmother I was closest to. She always loved me because I was the "girl" she had been waiting for all her life (since Dad is an only child). I spent alot of time with her over my life and loved her very much. Even though things between dad and I are strained I owed it to Gram to be there when she was laid to rest. Now she can be with Poppy and Mom. May God rest her soul.

So, I made plans to drive to St. Augustine to attend her burial. Low and Behold the Lord sends a helper in my friend, Patricia. She offered to come with me and what a blessing she was to have on the trip. The drive went fast. We even prayed the Rosary before we got to the gravesite. That definitelt put me in a peaceful place.

After the burial, and spending maybe 15 minutes with a Dad I have not seen in 4 years...we left the cemetary. We took a mini-pilgrimage to the Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine. It was so beautiful. I would like to go back and spend more time just studying the paintings on the ceilings, windows, altar. It was a very inspiring place. We went and prayed in the Adoration chapel which was really nice. Then we headed back to the car and saw a sign for a tiny Greek Orthodox chapel and toured it. It was really small and very cavelike. The murals and icons were really prettty.

We drove home and listened to How to Know God's Will for Your Life by Rosalind Moss. I really liked it and highly recommend it.

Father's Day was really wonderful. We had a nice peaceful day. Well, ti was peaceful after our morning with Ben, who darn near exploded in Mass, but we sat near Sara and I whispered to her to "Pray hard for Ben" and I called in the Holy Spirit and all 3 Arch Angels. Well, it worked because he was seething and by 2/3 the way in to the Mass he has calmed down and was actually happy. Praise God!

Robert loves a big deal made for Birthdays and Father's Day so I made him a fabulous dinner that took all afternoon to cook. Roasted herbed Leg of Lamb (I hate lamb, but he loves it, and this was for him), Haricot Verts, Roasted garlic potatoes, homemade butter rolls (they rocked!) and Chocolate souffle with Creme Anglaise. Yum! He was very happy and I am glad, coz he's a fabulous Dad!

Now, all the kids are happily preoccupied and Iam going to steal away to read HP4 . I just love Harry!

Rach