Unlike some friends I know, I have only one daughter (boo hoo...I would love more...oh well). Anyway, the one I have, I adore. She has taken to having late night talks with me in bed. Last night (or should I say very, very early this morning) we were talking about her taking ice skating lessons starting in August. I have taken her to the nearby ice rink and just set her out there on skates and she is fearless and just goes for it. Man, do I envy that. I was never a fearless kid. Well, maybe I was fearless until the teenager next door decided that he was going to experiment on me (read: molest) when I was 7. So, prior to 7 I was pretty fearless. I climbed and fell out of trees, I walked around the village of Southampton, NY (where I lived until I was 8). I wandered in the woods picking blueberries. But that fateful afternoon, trapped between a shed and a tall fence, everything changed and fear entered into my life and didn't leave for a LONG TIME. However, so far so good with Autumn. There have been no 'experiments' (Thank you, Jesus!) on Autumn and she is a fearless girl. She tries things I would never have tried. Because, you see, when the fear entered my life that day it spilled over into EVERYTHING in my life!
So, back to skating. Last night, after our talk, I told Autumn to close her eyes and imagine she was skating in an ice rink on her own doing all sorts of neato tricks and swirly things. Then she was in dreamland. I lay there listening to her deep, sleepy breathing and thought, "Rachel, why do you think you can't skate? You have been telling yourself that since falling down once outside on a pond when you were probably Autumn's age (8). Why are you putting limits on yourself without trying?" So, after thinking a while about my query to myself, I realized that the next time I take Autumn to the rink during public skate hours, I am going to give it a whirl. Maybe my sweet, beautiful, brave girl will teach me a thing or two on the ice. Maybe, I really can skate. Maybe I just have to try, try again.
Thank you, my sweet Tumnal Kitty, for teaching your mama to be brave. I love you! (Oh, and when I meant she was brave I wasn't kidding. Look at her below running from a T-Rex!)
4 years ago